Wednesday, November 30, 2005
MR. CARTER UPDATE...
Carter told me today that Clint was in the back office trying to "handle two girls at once" but that Clint promised he would be "reasonably faithful" to me...
I told him I was not in a joking mood today...
He told me he believes that he is the most optimistic person regarding this situation that I know right now...is that true or is he just deluded and insane??
He told me he went to the bank yesterday and there was this pretty woman there who started talking to him and they talked for a few minutes while they were standing in line, and then he went to leave and as he was walking out, he thought to himself: "I could go back. This is like Clint and Debbie. I could go back and ask her for her number or ask her out to dinner." But in the end, he didn't go back. And he said, "You know...and what are the chances that I would ever see her again...slim to none."
And I said: "You know...that's just it about this story. I'm sure that Clint left that corner that night and thought to himself, 'I'm never going to see that girl again. Huh, that's really too bad...' And you know, under normal circumstances, what are the chances you would just randomly run back into someone in a city with so many millions of people?? But that's what is different about this story...because I found him again...but yet I didn't. But I found a place where he will return and I have to wait for him to return there. And imagine his surprise. He has no idea that all of this has been going on. He has no idea what is about to happen to him."
And Carter said: "I believe this is meant to work out and it will. And it will all be so good then."
I said: "I know. The trouble is...what if it's year from now? I can do days, or weeks, or months...but I don't think I can do years."
And he said: "No, you shouldn't even be thinking about that. I know these boys. Someone will come down here to try to sell me something for the holidays. They always do. And then I'll be able to get some news and hopefully some kind of time frame for you."
"I would give a lot to see him right now...just for 20 minutes...just to tell him the story," I said.
"You have waited a long time and it is good things that you wait for. Just stay optimistic. There are still two more days left in this week."
Carter told me today that Clint was in the back office trying to "handle two girls at once" but that Clint promised he would be "reasonably faithful" to me...
I told him I was not in a joking mood today...
He told me he believes that he is the most optimistic person regarding this situation that I know right now...is that true or is he just deluded and insane??
He told me he went to the bank yesterday and there was this pretty woman there who started talking to him and they talked for a few minutes while they were standing in line, and then he went to leave and as he was walking out, he thought to himself: "I could go back. This is like Clint and Debbie. I could go back and ask her for her number or ask her out to dinner." But in the end, he didn't go back. And he said, "You know...and what are the chances that I would ever see her again...slim to none."
And I said: "You know...that's just it about this story. I'm sure that Clint left that corner that night and thought to himself, 'I'm never going to see that girl again. Huh, that's really too bad...' And you know, under normal circumstances, what are the chances you would just randomly run back into someone in a city with so many millions of people?? But that's what is different about this story...because I found him again...but yet I didn't. But I found a place where he will return and I have to wait for him to return there. And imagine his surprise. He has no idea that all of this has been going on. He has no idea what is about to happen to him."
And Carter said: "I believe this is meant to work out and it will. And it will all be so good then."
I said: "I know. The trouble is...what if it's year from now? I can do days, or weeks, or months...but I don't think I can do years."
And he said: "No, you shouldn't even be thinking about that. I know these boys. Someone will come down here to try to sell me something for the holidays. They always do. And then I'll be able to get some news and hopefully some kind of time frame for you."
"I would give a lot to see him right now...just for 20 minutes...just to tell him the story," I said.
"You have waited a long time and it is good things that you wait for. Just stay optimistic. There are still two more days left in this week."
SONG 57...now, if I could actually just do this...
______________________________________________________________________
ANTICIPATION
Control…it will do me in
Thought it was my friend
But it gets me every time
Now…I’m tied to this chair
All the windows barred
And the building is on fire
And I want to know
All the answers
To every question asked
I want to know…
I want control…
I want to know…
But I don’t have control…
**Chorus**
Anticipation…is the thing that’s killing me
The soft seduction of endless possibilities
The resolution…is I’ve got to set it free
Let the universe decide what’s best for me
I hope it’s the same thing…
I think I need
Blood…the blood is on my hands
I have made this mess
But it’s not mine alone
I’ve figured out how this should end
Every last detail
But there are parts I just can’t nail
And I want to know
That this will go
Exactly how I’ve planned
I want to know…
I want control…
I want control…
But now I understand…
**Chorus**
Anticipation…is the thing that’s killing me
The soft seduction of endless possibilities
The resolution…is I’ve got to set it free
Let the universe decide what’s best for me
I hope it’s the same thing…
I think I need
You’d think that I’d know better
By now what is best for me
But my car is stuck here in the sand
Going nowhere
The wheels are spinning…but I can’t turn
You’d think that I would learn…
I…cast this to the wind
Which ever way they blow
I trust that they will know
Cause I give up
I give in
It’s out of my hands
Should have known…
To release control…
To a higher plan…
**Chorus**
Anticipation…is the thing that’s killing me
The soft seduction of endless possibilities
The resolution…is I’ve got to set it free
Let the universe decide what’s best for me
I hope it’s the same thing…
I think I need
______________________________________________________________________
ANTICIPATION
Control…it will do me in
Thought it was my friend
But it gets me every time
Now…I’m tied to this chair
All the windows barred
And the building is on fire
And I want to know
All the answers
To every question asked
I want to know…
I want control…
I want to know…
But I don’t have control…
**Chorus**
Anticipation…is the thing that’s killing me
The soft seduction of endless possibilities
The resolution…is I’ve got to set it free
Let the universe decide what’s best for me
I hope it’s the same thing…
I think I need
Blood…the blood is on my hands
I have made this mess
But it’s not mine alone
I’ve figured out how this should end
Every last detail
But there are parts I just can’t nail
And I want to know
That this will go
Exactly how I’ve planned
I want to know…
I want control…
I want control…
But now I understand…
**Chorus**
Anticipation…is the thing that’s killing me
The soft seduction of endless possibilities
The resolution…is I’ve got to set it free
Let the universe decide what’s best for me
I hope it’s the same thing…
I think I need
You’d think that I’d know better
By now what is best for me
But my car is stuck here in the sand
Going nowhere
The wheels are spinning…but I can’t turn
You’d think that I would learn…
I…cast this to the wind
Which ever way they blow
I trust that they will know
Cause I give up
I give in
It’s out of my hands
Should have known…
To release control…
To a higher plan…
**Chorus**
Anticipation…is the thing that’s killing me
The soft seduction of endless possibilities
The resolution…is I’ve got to set it free
Let the universe decide what’s best for me
I hope it’s the same thing…
I think I need
Tuesday, November 29, 2005
Debbie’s Top Ten Most Dateable Occupations
1) Mechanic/Auto/Motorcycle Repair
2) Race Car Driver/Motocross
3) Mercenary
4) Bounty Hunter
5) Assassin
6) Tattoo Artist
7) Carpenter
8) Firefighter
9) Music Producer/Engineer/Synth/Sound Design
10) Architect
1) Mechanic/Auto/Motorcycle Repair
2) Race Car Driver/Motocross
3) Mercenary
4) Bounty Hunter
5) Assassin
6) Tattoo Artist
7) Carpenter
8) Firefighter
9) Music Producer/Engineer/Synth/Sound Design
10) Architect
56...
THE PUREST LOVE
I am lying very still
Pretend that you are near
Hiding from the thoughts
That take harbor here
Everyone can blame
Another for their pain
I am not immune
To this murder game…
And I wonder what you want
And I wonder what you need
I can’t imagine what you want
When you already have the best of me…
**Chorus**
If my love were not so pure
I would surrender, I am sure…
But sure as the stars above
Mine is the purest love
This is the purest love…
The room is fucking with my head
Sometimes I think you dead
But that is just a way
To salvage sanity
Catch me while I sleep
Haunt me in my dreams
The whisper of your tears
I am jolted awake
And I wonder where you are
I imagine you hear my song
I believe you can taste my fear
My fear that you are lost…
**Chorus**
If my love were not so pure
I would surrender, I am sure…
But sure as the stars above
Mine is the purest love
This is the purest love…
I can’t go back
To the one that I was
Before I was chained to you
So I have to believe
There is a reason for darkness
A reason…but light will break through
And it’s still a mystery
How future turns into
History…
And blinds you to all
But what you can see
It is a beautifully innocent truth…
I reside outside of time
There is nothing here
Nothing but your memory
It sparkles clear…
I imagine you hear my call
Can you sense where it comes from?
There is a road that leads you back
But it is a dark and hidden path…
**Chorus**
If my love were not so pure
I would surrender, I am sure…
But sure as the stars above
Mine is the purest love
This is the purest love…
THE PUREST LOVE
I am lying very still
Pretend that you are near
Hiding from the thoughts
That take harbor here
Everyone can blame
Another for their pain
I am not immune
To this murder game…
And I wonder what you want
And I wonder what you need
I can’t imagine what you want
When you already have the best of me…
**Chorus**
If my love were not so pure
I would surrender, I am sure…
But sure as the stars above
Mine is the purest love
This is the purest love…
The room is fucking with my head
Sometimes I think you dead
But that is just a way
To salvage sanity
Catch me while I sleep
Haunt me in my dreams
The whisper of your tears
I am jolted awake
And I wonder where you are
I imagine you hear my song
I believe you can taste my fear
My fear that you are lost…
**Chorus**
If my love were not so pure
I would surrender, I am sure…
But sure as the stars above
Mine is the purest love
This is the purest love…
I can’t go back
To the one that I was
Before I was chained to you
So I have to believe
There is a reason for darkness
A reason…but light will break through
And it’s still a mystery
How future turns into
History…
And blinds you to all
But what you can see
It is a beautifully innocent truth…
I reside outside of time
There is nothing here
Nothing but your memory
It sparkles clear…
I imagine you hear my call
Can you sense where it comes from?
There is a road that leads you back
But it is a dark and hidden path…
**Chorus**
If my love were not so pure
I would surrender, I am sure…
But sure as the stars above
Mine is the purest love
This is the purest love…
Monday, November 28, 2005
LET ME CLARIFY:
I did not say I was giving up the Clint Search. The Universe is fucking with me. I attempted to fuck back with it, but I don’t think this is going to work.
I don’t believe that I have sacrificed much (other than my sanity) in order to continue this search. It’s not like I put the band on hold. Musically, I am in a better position than I have been in a long time. I put a lot of hard work and effort into putting this band together and getting it to where it is now. And I plan to continue this and put as much work as possible into getting it to a better place. I don’t believe that the Clint Search hinders that.
Two weeks ago, a psychic reader told me that Clint would not be coming back for YEARS. That is what caused me to flip out and spurred all of this. What is essentially going on here, though, is confusion of communication due to Mercury’s retrograde motion (which will, thankfully, be over on the 4th of December). I can’t think straight, so I don’t know how I could possibly expect anyone else to understand what I am thinking.
We thought that if I attempted to move on to someone else, that would trigger Clint’s return. For the past week, I have obsessed over a different man (the product of an innocent flirtation that has been going on for several months). I finally got up the courage to make a step to move that forward…just in time to find out that he is leaving the country (or has already left at this point). So, once again, it just slips right through my hands.
I can’t have Clint. I can’t have anyone else. I do not understand why The Universe fucks with me in this way. MBM says: “it is because it has bigger plans for you.” I really wish I knew what that was. Because all I can think about right now is pounding my head into a wall…
I did not say I was giving up the Clint Search. The Universe is fucking with me. I attempted to fuck back with it, but I don’t think this is going to work.
I don’t believe that I have sacrificed much (other than my sanity) in order to continue this search. It’s not like I put the band on hold. Musically, I am in a better position than I have been in a long time. I put a lot of hard work and effort into putting this band together and getting it to where it is now. And I plan to continue this and put as much work as possible into getting it to a better place. I don’t believe that the Clint Search hinders that.
Two weeks ago, a psychic reader told me that Clint would not be coming back for YEARS. That is what caused me to flip out and spurred all of this. What is essentially going on here, though, is confusion of communication due to Mercury’s retrograde motion (which will, thankfully, be over on the 4th of December). I can’t think straight, so I don’t know how I could possibly expect anyone else to understand what I am thinking.
We thought that if I attempted to move on to someone else, that would trigger Clint’s return. For the past week, I have obsessed over a different man (the product of an innocent flirtation that has been going on for several months). I finally got up the courage to make a step to move that forward…just in time to find out that he is leaving the country (or has already left at this point). So, once again, it just slips right through my hands.
I can’t have Clint. I can’t have anyone else. I do not understand why The Universe fucks with me in this way. MBM says: “it is because it has bigger plans for you.” I really wish I knew what that was. Because all I can think about right now is pounding my head into a wall…
SONG 55...
THE WRONG MAN
I’m on a quest to find the wrong man
Someone completely incompatible
Someone who makes no sense at all
I’m on a quest to find the wrong man
Something that would never work
For better or for worse
Cause you won’t find something you don’t have…
You won’t find something you don’t have…
You won’t find something that you need…
‘Til you stop looking for that thing
**CHORUS**
And I…I’ve been looking for the right man
I’ve…been searching and searching
But that gets me no where fast
So I’m…gonna use reverse logic here
Maybe the wrong man will make…
The right one appear
I’m on a hunt for the wrong guy
Someone who is unsound
That I can’t stand to be around
I’m on a hunt for the wrong guy
Says all the wrong things
Gives me nothing that I need
I know I probably sound insane…
I know this plan just sounds insane…
I sound like I have lost my mind…
But it just might work this time
**Chorus**
Please let me down…
Please tell me lies…
Please frustrate me…
Please make me cry…
I’m on a quest to find the worst man I can find
Loves all the things I hate
Detests the things I like…
I’m on a quest to find the worst man I can find
The perfect jerk…the best mistake…
The perfect waste of time
Cause you won’t find something that you need…
‘Til you stop looking for that thing…
When you stop searching for what you want…
That’s when it hits you like a truck
**Chorus**
I'm looking for the wrong man...
I'm looking for the wrong man...
THE WRONG MAN
I’m on a quest to find the wrong man
Someone completely incompatible
Someone who makes no sense at all
I’m on a quest to find the wrong man
Something that would never work
For better or for worse
Cause you won’t find something you don’t have…
You won’t find something you don’t have…
You won’t find something that you need…
‘Til you stop looking for that thing
**CHORUS**
And I…I’ve been looking for the right man
I’ve…been searching and searching
But that gets me no where fast
So I’m…gonna use reverse logic here
Maybe the wrong man will make…
The right one appear
I’m on a hunt for the wrong guy
Someone who is unsound
That I can’t stand to be around
I’m on a hunt for the wrong guy
Says all the wrong things
Gives me nothing that I need
I know I probably sound insane…
I know this plan just sounds insane…
I sound like I have lost my mind…
But it just might work this time
**Chorus**
Please let me down…
Please tell me lies…
Please frustrate me…
Please make me cry…
I’m on a quest to find the worst man I can find
Loves all the things I hate
Detests the things I like…
I’m on a quest to find the worst man I can find
The perfect jerk…the best mistake…
The perfect waste of time
Cause you won’t find something that you need…
‘Til you stop looking for that thing…
When you stop searching for what you want…
That’s when it hits you like a truck
**Chorus**
I'm looking for the wrong man...
I'm looking for the wrong man...
Tuesday, November 22, 2005
CLINT UPDATE...
There are no updates...
There have been none for two weeks...since Mike (Clint's friend) called Carter and said that he is recently out of jail...
We are at a point where I fear the story is getting stagnant...
News trickles in so slowly...and great spaces of time pass by between it...
And every road seems to lead to a dead end because we really seem no better off than when we started...
For 379 days...I put all of my energy and all of my heart into this story...I was afraid to divide it anywhere along the way...
But where has that really gotten us? Are we really any closer now to finding Clint than we were the day we found Carter's Auto? The problem is: we don't have anything concrete right now. We need some concrete news...we need to be given some kind of timeframe. But we have nothing now...it could be 5 hours before he returns...it could be 5 days...5 weeks...5 months...5 years...the trouble is we don't know...can I really continue on this way and employ this same search strategy for the next 5 years? Until we have some concrete news, we are completely blind to the timeframe...
Perhaps, we're taking the wrong approach to this problem...for 379 days...I have spent all my energy here...but there is this theory that many times, things find you when you least expect them...when you stop searching for them...
Three synchronous events happened this week that again brought this issue up...
1) Mike the Transvestite--I was talking to him on the phone last Tuesday when he called Carter's while I was there. Mike, again, brought up the alligator in Hidden Valley...the one that was trapped in the lake. And all of these people were trying to catch it. And Mike said: "The thing is about the alligator...it knows people are looking for it. And that's why it's hiding. You watch...it's not going to come out until it thinks people have stopped pursuing it."
2) My conversation with Trishadee on Thursday night: She said: "Maybe you need to start spending your energy in other places. Maybe he will not come back until that happens. Until you stop looking. Things come around when we're not looking."
3) Tippy's "Cosmic Law of Dating"--States that if one were to begin dating the "wrong person," the "right person" would, inevitably come along. Most people, at that point, are too wrapped up in the "wrong person" to notice this and, inadvertantly, let the "right person" slip away. In my case, however, if Tippy's "Cosmic Law of Dating" were to hold true, dating someone other than Clint (the "wrong person") would force Clint to appear ("the right person").
Now, granted, the above three are all simply theory. But 379 days in, employing the same search strategy, where I give this my complete and total focus...has gotten us absolutely nowhere...
Could it really hurt to employ a different tactic...at least just to try it out for a period of time???
And that is where we are...we are now going to employ a different strategy where I am going to divide my attention...we're not giving up...we're still in contact with Carter daily...we're just simply looking at this from a new perspective...
It has already been done...it has begun...
There are no updates...
There have been none for two weeks...since Mike (Clint's friend) called Carter and said that he is recently out of jail...
We are at a point where I fear the story is getting stagnant...
News trickles in so slowly...and great spaces of time pass by between it...
And every road seems to lead to a dead end because we really seem no better off than when we started...
For 379 days...I put all of my energy and all of my heart into this story...I was afraid to divide it anywhere along the way...
But where has that really gotten us? Are we really any closer now to finding Clint than we were the day we found Carter's Auto? The problem is: we don't have anything concrete right now. We need some concrete news...we need to be given some kind of timeframe. But we have nothing now...it could be 5 hours before he returns...it could be 5 days...5 weeks...5 months...5 years...the trouble is we don't know...can I really continue on this way and employ this same search strategy for the next 5 years? Until we have some concrete news, we are completely blind to the timeframe...
Perhaps, we're taking the wrong approach to this problem...for 379 days...I have spent all my energy here...but there is this theory that many times, things find you when you least expect them...when you stop searching for them...
Three synchronous events happened this week that again brought this issue up...
1) Mike the Transvestite--I was talking to him on the phone last Tuesday when he called Carter's while I was there. Mike, again, brought up the alligator in Hidden Valley...the one that was trapped in the lake. And all of these people were trying to catch it. And Mike said: "The thing is about the alligator...it knows people are looking for it. And that's why it's hiding. You watch...it's not going to come out until it thinks people have stopped pursuing it."
2) My conversation with Trishadee on Thursday night: She said: "Maybe you need to start spending your energy in other places. Maybe he will not come back until that happens. Until you stop looking. Things come around when we're not looking."
3) Tippy's "Cosmic Law of Dating"--States that if one were to begin dating the "wrong person," the "right person" would, inevitably come along. Most people, at that point, are too wrapped up in the "wrong person" to notice this and, inadvertantly, let the "right person" slip away. In my case, however, if Tippy's "Cosmic Law of Dating" were to hold true, dating someone other than Clint (the "wrong person") would force Clint to appear ("the right person").
Now, granted, the above three are all simply theory. But 379 days in, employing the same search strategy, where I give this my complete and total focus...has gotten us absolutely nowhere...
Could it really hurt to employ a different tactic...at least just to try it out for a period of time???
And that is where we are...we are now going to employ a different strategy where I am going to divide my attention...we're not giving up...we're still in contact with Carter daily...we're just simply looking at this from a new perspective...
It has already been done...it has begun...
CRUSH
You've been watching the band play for weeks
Through the window, you've been watching me sing
About all the boys who broke my heart
And other broken things
It's time to go and we're packing up
And there's a good chance we're not coming back
I know you followed us outside
I could feel your eyes burn my back
And I can't breathe
And I can't speak
I don't know why
I'm like a moth
Under the lights
Everytime that I'm around you
I walk away
What should I say?
And you followed me
Out to the street
I'm torn now
I don't know what to do
**CHORUS**
You'll probably crush me
You'll probably crush me
But something in your eyes
Begs me be bold tonight
If you've had a crush on me
For as long as I think
Then something tells me
Take this risk tonight...
My mind's made up by the way that you stare
It's either this or live with regret
So, it's back to the space
Think of something to say
I'll figure out when I get there
My mouth is dry
Do I read you right?
You've been following me
Around all night
Could be my imagination
But I'm sensing there is more
You heard we're moving
To another place
And sad that you won't see my face
I can't believe
This is happening
Cause I feel the same way
**CHORUS**
You'll probably crush me
You'll probably crush me
But something in your eyes
Begs me be bold tonight
If you've had a crush on me
For as long as I think
Then something tells me
Take this risk tonight...
You've been watching the band play for weeks
Through the window, you've been watching me sing
About all the boys who broke my heart
And other broken things
It's time to go and we're packing up
And there's a good chance we're not coming back
I know you followed us outside
I could feel your eyes burn my back
And I can't breathe
And I can't speak
I don't know why
I'm like a moth
Under the lights
Everytime that I'm around you
I walk away
What should I say?
And you followed me
Out to the street
I'm torn now
I don't know what to do
**CHORUS**
You'll probably crush me
You'll probably crush me
But something in your eyes
Begs me be bold tonight
If you've had a crush on me
For as long as I think
Then something tells me
Take this risk tonight...
My mind's made up by the way that you stare
It's either this or live with regret
So, it's back to the space
Think of something to say
I'll figure out when I get there
My mouth is dry
Do I read you right?
You've been following me
Around all night
Could be my imagination
But I'm sensing there is more
You heard we're moving
To another place
And sad that you won't see my face
I can't believe
This is happening
Cause I feel the same way
**CHORUS**
You'll probably crush me
You'll probably crush me
But something in your eyes
Begs me be bold tonight
If you've had a crush on me
For as long as I think
Then something tells me
Take this risk tonight...
SONG 54...
_________________________________________________________________________
FREE
Wake up in the morning and I think
This could be my lucky day
And I am unfamiliar
With living in this way
Almost let it go...last night…
Cause I don’t care
Almost let it go...last night…
Cause I don’t care
I could be anyone
And anywhere
I could be anything
You’re never there
I could let it go…tonight…
I might not care
If I let you go…tonight…
I might not care
**CHORUS**
Cause I am free…
I am free…
I am free tonight and I don’t care
I could go on…living in this hell
I could go on…living in this hell
Or I could accept whatever finds me
And just be free…
Just be free…
I thought I knew
The way that this should go
But the road ahead is blind
And there is more that I don’t know
I feel so good...tonight…
Cause I don’t care
It feels so good...tonight…
To just not care
**Chorus**
Just be free…
Just be free…
_________________________________________________________________________
FREE
Wake up in the morning and I think
This could be my lucky day
And I am unfamiliar
With living in this way
Almost let it go...last night…
Cause I don’t care
Almost let it go...last night…
Cause I don’t care
I could be anyone
And anywhere
I could be anything
You’re never there
I could let it go…tonight…
I might not care
If I let you go…tonight…
I might not care
**CHORUS**
Cause I am free…
I am free…
I am free tonight and I don’t care
I could go on…living in this hell
I could go on…living in this hell
Or I could accept whatever finds me
And just be free…
Just be free…
I thought I knew
The way that this should go
But the road ahead is blind
And there is more that I don’t know
I feel so good...tonight…
Cause I don’t care
It feels so good...tonight…
To just not care
**Chorus**
Just be free…
Just be free…
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
I am hopeless and lost
I am hopelessly faithless
I am tortured and troubled and torn
And there is no one who cares
To share the pain with me
Because no one understands this anymore
I am manic and mad
And I slam my fists into the side of my head
Because it is either that or break the bones inside my hands
And in my broken soul
I realize I’m deluded
And I realize that he’s never coming back
He could be dead
He is as good as gone
And I should have known all this from the start
I am tortured; I am troubled
And I will exit this world
With this broken glass embedded in my heart
I am hopelessly faithless
I am tortured and troubled and torn
And there is no one who cares
To share the pain with me
Because no one understands this anymore
I am manic and mad
And I slam my fists into the side of my head
Because it is either that or break the bones inside my hands
And in my broken soul
I realize I’m deluded
And I realize that he’s never coming back
He could be dead
He is as good as gone
And I should have known all this from the start
I am tortured; I am troubled
And I will exit this world
With this broken glass embedded in my heart
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
CLINT UPDATE - Tuesday 11/15/05
There has really been no news in the last seven days. Everyone was very excited when Mike called Carter last Tuesday, but Carter hasn’t heard from him since. The man that he sent down to Carter’s for the repairs was a guy that Mike apparently met in jail, while he was in there. This particular guy was serving 17 months for unspecified reasons; Mike most likely served 6 months at the most. This guy also told Carter that Mike had been on house arrest for an unspecified period of time and it was unclear whether he was still on it or not. However, we do know that he was at the Courthouse last Tuesday afternoon, and Carter believes this was his probation hearing. If that is the case, he is most likely no longer on house arrest. Carter told Mike’s friend (who didn’t know any of the other friends of Mike’s that Carter knew, including Clint) to tell Mike that he needed some things from him and that he should come down to the garage as soon as he could. The guy promised that he would pass the message along to Mike.
It is for all of these reasons that Carter was convinced that Mike would come down to the shop either last week or this week. Carter feels that the time frame we are looking at now is days. However, it’s now been 7 days since Carter last heard from him. There is nothing more we can do but wait for Mike now, I suppose. Carter is sure that he will know where Clint is or at least know how to find him. I have had intuitions that something was going to happen this week.
Which brings me to this past Friday night. The band had played it’s first show at the Kibitz Room from 10:30-11:30. Around 11:45, Nate and Beth arrived back home to drop off my amp and guitars because there was really no place to leave them at the bar and we didn’t want to have to deal with them at the end of the night. It is then that they discovered that someone had bashed in my back car window (most likely with a baseball bat). Saturday evening, I spoke with Carter about this because I really didn’t know what to do about it. He said that he knew of a good glass company and that he could get a deal so we wouldn’t have to pay for labor. He said that he would call them Monday morning and I could bring the car in on Tuesday the 15th. Now, all of a sudden, I was going to be at Carter’s unexpectedly on a day that I had not planned on. I wondered to myself if just maybe that was the day that Clint and his friends would roll down there.
However, I was down there all morning and no one stopped by except for the Snap-On Tools guy. I do know that it was morning and probably much too early for Clint or any of his friends to be up, let alone out gallivanting around. However, I was still a little let down. We just need something to happen or some kind of news so badly. It’s only 1:13 in the afternoon here, so of course, I know the day is still young. But I did have an intuition about this day as well as Friday the 18th.
That’s all I know…
There has really been no news in the last seven days. Everyone was very excited when Mike called Carter last Tuesday, but Carter hasn’t heard from him since. The man that he sent down to Carter’s for the repairs was a guy that Mike apparently met in jail, while he was in there. This particular guy was serving 17 months for unspecified reasons; Mike most likely served 6 months at the most. This guy also told Carter that Mike had been on house arrest for an unspecified period of time and it was unclear whether he was still on it or not. However, we do know that he was at the Courthouse last Tuesday afternoon, and Carter believes this was his probation hearing. If that is the case, he is most likely no longer on house arrest. Carter told Mike’s friend (who didn’t know any of the other friends of Mike’s that Carter knew, including Clint) to tell Mike that he needed some things from him and that he should come down to the garage as soon as he could. The guy promised that he would pass the message along to Mike.
It is for all of these reasons that Carter was convinced that Mike would come down to the shop either last week or this week. Carter feels that the time frame we are looking at now is days. However, it’s now been 7 days since Carter last heard from him. There is nothing more we can do but wait for Mike now, I suppose. Carter is sure that he will know where Clint is or at least know how to find him. I have had intuitions that something was going to happen this week.
Which brings me to this past Friday night. The band had played it’s first show at the Kibitz Room from 10:30-11:30. Around 11:45, Nate and Beth arrived back home to drop off my amp and guitars because there was really no place to leave them at the bar and we didn’t want to have to deal with them at the end of the night. It is then that they discovered that someone had bashed in my back car window (most likely with a baseball bat). Saturday evening, I spoke with Carter about this because I really didn’t know what to do about it. He said that he knew of a good glass company and that he could get a deal so we wouldn’t have to pay for labor. He said that he would call them Monday morning and I could bring the car in on Tuesday the 15th. Now, all of a sudden, I was going to be at Carter’s unexpectedly on a day that I had not planned on. I wondered to myself if just maybe that was the day that Clint and his friends would roll down there.
However, I was down there all morning and no one stopped by except for the Snap-On Tools guy. I do know that it was morning and probably much too early for Clint or any of his friends to be up, let alone out gallivanting around. However, I was still a little let down. We just need something to happen or some kind of news so badly. It’s only 1:13 in the afternoon here, so of course, I know the day is still young. But I did have an intuition about this day as well as Friday the 18th.
That’s all I know…
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
BIG NEWS
Friends:
I had an intuition that something was about to break. I went to Carter’s yesterday and I said, “Something’s about to break. I can feel it. I think it’s going to break tomorrow” I thought it was going to break today on the 8th…and guess what???… it did…
I didn’t really have time to call Carter today because of various things that I had to take care of on my lunch break…basically, I didn’t want to call him and find that he had no news for me today…especially since I had the intuition that he would have some today…I didn’t want to find out that I was wrong…
But here’s the thing…today, I wasn’t…
I got back to my office and checked my phone and saw that I had one missed call…Carter’s Auto…and I knew that he wouldn’t call me unless something big had happened…
I checked the voice mail and there was a message from him…he said: “Debbie, it’s your dad. Call me back. I’ve got some news for you.”
So, I called him back. And he said, “Guess who called me today???”
Heart in my throat, I asked: “Who???”
“Mike,” he replied, “it looks like your intuition may have been right.”
“You’re kidding me…” I exclaimed. Mike is Clint’s best friend and the person we’ve been waiting to hear from. Other than Clint, himself, this is the best person that could have called Carter.
Long story short…Mike was at the Court House, taking care of some business, and so he couldn’t talk long to Carter and Carter couldn’t ask him many details. But Mike has been in jail…just like we had hoped (because that helps explain why he hasn’t been down at the shop)…but he’s out now and he’s on probation…the reason he was calling Carter from the Court House was because he had a friend he needed to send down to Carter’s today to do some work on his car. Carter had never met this guy before, but this guy knew Mike and Mike’s girlfriend, The Black Widow…Carter helped the guy fix his car this morning and told him that he needed Mike and his other friends to come down to the shop as soon as possible because there were things he needed to buy from them and business he needed to do with them. The guy told Carter he would see to it that Mike got the message and that Mike came down to the shop soon.
Carter is convinced that we are going to have more news in the next day or two. Now that Mike is out of jail, it will most likely spur he and the rest of the guys to come down to Carter’s again. Because the guys tend to roll with Mike. Mike being in jail for we don’t know how long likely explains why they have all been missing from the shop. But he is out now, and Carter says that when Mike goes away to jail for a period of time, it is only a matter of days after he gets out that he returns to the shop to see what is going on. He could be down there tomorrow…and he will likely come with friends. Clint, himself, might be down at that shop any day now…and my letter is patiently waiting there for him.
Any day now could be a very big day for www.findaclint.org
My breath is baited…
Friends:
I had an intuition that something was about to break. I went to Carter’s yesterday and I said, “Something’s about to break. I can feel it. I think it’s going to break tomorrow” I thought it was going to break today on the 8th…and guess what???… it did…
I didn’t really have time to call Carter today because of various things that I had to take care of on my lunch break…basically, I didn’t want to call him and find that he had no news for me today…especially since I had the intuition that he would have some today…I didn’t want to find out that I was wrong…
But here’s the thing…today, I wasn’t…
I got back to my office and checked my phone and saw that I had one missed call…Carter’s Auto…and I knew that he wouldn’t call me unless something big had happened…
I checked the voice mail and there was a message from him…he said: “Debbie, it’s your dad. Call me back. I’ve got some news for you.”
So, I called him back. And he said, “Guess who called me today???”
Heart in my throat, I asked: “Who???”
“Mike,” he replied, “it looks like your intuition may have been right.”
“You’re kidding me…” I exclaimed. Mike is Clint’s best friend and the person we’ve been waiting to hear from. Other than Clint, himself, this is the best person that could have called Carter.
Long story short…Mike was at the Court House, taking care of some business, and so he couldn’t talk long to Carter and Carter couldn’t ask him many details. But Mike has been in jail…just like we had hoped (because that helps explain why he hasn’t been down at the shop)…but he’s out now and he’s on probation…the reason he was calling Carter from the Court House was because he had a friend he needed to send down to Carter’s today to do some work on his car. Carter had never met this guy before, but this guy knew Mike and Mike’s girlfriend, The Black Widow…Carter helped the guy fix his car this morning and told him that he needed Mike and his other friends to come down to the shop as soon as possible because there were things he needed to buy from them and business he needed to do with them. The guy told Carter he would see to it that Mike got the message and that Mike came down to the shop soon.
Carter is convinced that we are going to have more news in the next day or two. Now that Mike is out of jail, it will most likely spur he and the rest of the guys to come down to Carter’s again. Because the guys tend to roll with Mike. Mike being in jail for we don’t know how long likely explains why they have all been missing from the shop. But he is out now, and Carter says that when Mike goes away to jail for a period of time, it is only a matter of days after he gets out that he returns to the shop to see what is going on. He could be down there tomorrow…and he will likely come with friends. Clint, himself, might be down at that shop any day now…and my letter is patiently waiting there for him.
Any day now could be a very big day for www.findaclint.org
My breath is baited…
Friday, November 04, 2005
TOMORROW
It was 52 Fridays ago. I was at a low place. My bedroom still felt like a hotel room and I wondered if it would ever feel like home. I missed everyone back in Boston and I had started to worry that I had made a big mistake by moving out to California. I didn’t sleep the night before because I couldn’t and I had a job interview that morning at 9AM at USC. Afterwards, I was in reasonably high spirits because it seemed like they were going to offer me the job. That and the fact that I was going to actually be playing out at a bar that night for the first time in California…just three songs to open up for Randy Todd…but it was still something…and at least the thought of it got my spirits out of the gutter.
So, I got home from the job interview around 10:45 and was compelled to walk. Had I forgotten the dream I had at the beginning of the week…that if I walked I would meet someone very important? No, I had not…but it was at the back of my mind right now.
I had some things to mail, so I headed to the post office. Outside, I chain-smoked and called my mom to tell her about the job interview. I don’t remember what else we talked about…I only remember that I told her I was reading Le Morte de Arthur.
Around noon, I finished the conversation with her, mailed the packages and headed West on Santa Monica Blvd. I had no destination.
I called Magda around 12:30 because I knew that the family she babysat for lived around that area and sometimes she would take the baby to one of the parks. I was hoping to meet up with her. I headed South on La Cienega…when she called me back…she told me that she was at the Pacific Design Center on Melrose…they were sitting outside if I wanted to come see them.
I probably arrived there around 1pm and spent a half hour or so before Addie got tired and cranky and Magda had to take her home. We parted ways and I went to the Beverly Center. I was probably there for about an hour before I got bored and left. At this point, I had been walking several miles and realized I hadn’t really eaten anything in several days. So, I stopped at the Whole Foods on 3rd Street and got some mashed potatoes, my favorite comfort food.
It is now about 3 pm when I leave Whole Foods. I am headed East on 3rd Street. The girl from USC calls me and invites me back for another interview the following week, which I accept. I am pretty happy at this moment. I come to Poinsettia Place and I think to myself: “Here you have come to a fork in the road. You haven’t slept in over 24 hours. And you have just walked 3 hours. You can go home and rest before the show. Or you can pass Poinsettia Place and keep walking. Which will you choose? And where are you going?”
Well, I didn’t know where I was going, but I chose to keep walking. I headed North on La Brea. I came to Melrose and again I thought: “You can go home now, but you should probably keep walking.”
It is now about 4:00. I am still headed North on La Brea and just North of Santa Monica, Tippy calls me. He is ranting. He is very upset about George Bush’s election three days earlier. He is going to run for mayor of LA when he finally gets out here and then Governor of California and then President. He has had it. I don’t really remember everything we talked about. But we were on the phone for nearly 2 hours. It was something about Jimmy Carter and peanuts…and something about putting a high speed train down the center of the 101 and up the 5 so people could travel quickly between the major cities in California without having to drive.
We talked and talked about nothing and everything and I just kept walking. I was drinking red Gatorade at that point. I made a right and headed East on Hollywood Blvd. down the Walk of Stars. When I came to the end of it, I turned around and came back on the North side of the street. I remember I was looking for Cher’s star for Tippy, but I couldn’t find it. I finally came back around to La Brea and turned left. We were still on the phone. When I got to Sunset, it was about 5:30. I don’t know why I didn’t just go home at that point…but there is a timing to all of these events and I had to hit that street corner at exactly the right moment and that moment had not yet come…I didn’t know all of this at the time, but that is most likely the reason for this detour…I had been out all day and I had the show in a few hours…But there is a Ross on the corner of Sunset and La Brea and I went in. I was still on the phone with Tippy at that point. Finally, he said that he had to get off the phone with me and call his sister. And so he did. I spent another 15 or so minutes in the store and then left. It is almost 6pm.
I am heading South down La Brea. And I am smoking a cigarette. I am almost at the corner of La Brea and Santa Monica and I put it out. I am on the left (East) side of the street and I remember that the walk signal is on and I can cross Santa Monica at this point. But for some reason…I don’t…
And I turn and I face the opposite side of La Brea and I wait to cross La Brea instead. Finally, the signal says walk…and I so I do…and I remember that as I came to the other side of the street, I went to push the walk button so I could cross Santa Monica…and out of the corner of my eye…I see him…
And he says to someone who’s face I will never remember: “I’m going to go and try to talk to her.”
I remember hearing this…only at the time, I didn’t know that whoever this person was…meant me…
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him walk the 15 steps over to where I am standing. “Do you have another cigarette?” he asks me. So, he’s been watching me because I put that cigarette out several minutes ago. “Yes,” I reply and I give it to him. And I don’t remember if he lit it himself or if I lit it for him…but I remember he put his right arm up against the lamp post and just smiled at me…
And the signal said “walk” but I stood there with him and we talked…and then it said “wait”
And I didn’t know if it meant to wait WITH him or to wait FOR him…and in the end, after he had told me I was beautiful three times…and there is an awkward pause as he looks me up and down smiling…I decide that it means to wait FOR him…and so I walk away…
And the rest of the story you know…
That was 52 Fridays ago…364 days ago…
Tomorrow is November 5th…that is the one year anniversary…
And I will walk the exact same route…And I will wear the same clothes…and I will eat and drink the same things…and I will go to the same places…
And I will call Tippy at the time we spoke…
They say that there are levels of existence and they are staggered and they are stacked up one on top of the others…this is one theory as to how time travel is possible…that if one were somehow able to find a way to slip through into one of these other dimensions…they would be able to visit that very day but in a different year. Regardless of whether you believe in this or not, a year is a period of time that is very significant to people. That is why anniversaries and birthdays bring up memories and ghosts from the past.
Will a trace of him be standing on that street corner at 6pm tomorrow night???
I don’t know.
Will there be any meaning in my walking tomorrow at all???
I don’t know.
When will I see him again???
I don’t know.
It was 52 Fridays ago. I was at a low place. My bedroom still felt like a hotel room and I wondered if it would ever feel like home. I missed everyone back in Boston and I had started to worry that I had made a big mistake by moving out to California. I didn’t sleep the night before because I couldn’t and I had a job interview that morning at 9AM at USC. Afterwards, I was in reasonably high spirits because it seemed like they were going to offer me the job. That and the fact that I was going to actually be playing out at a bar that night for the first time in California…just three songs to open up for Randy Todd…but it was still something…and at least the thought of it got my spirits out of the gutter.
So, I got home from the job interview around 10:45 and was compelled to walk. Had I forgotten the dream I had at the beginning of the week…that if I walked I would meet someone very important? No, I had not…but it was at the back of my mind right now.
I had some things to mail, so I headed to the post office. Outside, I chain-smoked and called my mom to tell her about the job interview. I don’t remember what else we talked about…I only remember that I told her I was reading Le Morte de Arthur.
Around noon, I finished the conversation with her, mailed the packages and headed West on Santa Monica Blvd. I had no destination.
I called Magda around 12:30 because I knew that the family she babysat for lived around that area and sometimes she would take the baby to one of the parks. I was hoping to meet up with her. I headed South on La Cienega…when she called me back…she told me that she was at the Pacific Design Center on Melrose…they were sitting outside if I wanted to come see them.
I probably arrived there around 1pm and spent a half hour or so before Addie got tired and cranky and Magda had to take her home. We parted ways and I went to the Beverly Center. I was probably there for about an hour before I got bored and left. At this point, I had been walking several miles and realized I hadn’t really eaten anything in several days. So, I stopped at the Whole Foods on 3rd Street and got some mashed potatoes, my favorite comfort food.
It is now about 3 pm when I leave Whole Foods. I am headed East on 3rd Street. The girl from USC calls me and invites me back for another interview the following week, which I accept. I am pretty happy at this moment. I come to Poinsettia Place and I think to myself: “Here you have come to a fork in the road. You haven’t slept in over 24 hours. And you have just walked 3 hours. You can go home and rest before the show. Or you can pass Poinsettia Place and keep walking. Which will you choose? And where are you going?”
Well, I didn’t know where I was going, but I chose to keep walking. I headed North on La Brea. I came to Melrose and again I thought: “You can go home now, but you should probably keep walking.”
It is now about 4:00. I am still headed North on La Brea and just North of Santa Monica, Tippy calls me. He is ranting. He is very upset about George Bush’s election three days earlier. He is going to run for mayor of LA when he finally gets out here and then Governor of California and then President. He has had it. I don’t really remember everything we talked about. But we were on the phone for nearly 2 hours. It was something about Jimmy Carter and peanuts…and something about putting a high speed train down the center of the 101 and up the 5 so people could travel quickly between the major cities in California without having to drive.
We talked and talked about nothing and everything and I just kept walking. I was drinking red Gatorade at that point. I made a right and headed East on Hollywood Blvd. down the Walk of Stars. When I came to the end of it, I turned around and came back on the North side of the street. I remember I was looking for Cher’s star for Tippy, but I couldn’t find it. I finally came back around to La Brea and turned left. We were still on the phone. When I got to Sunset, it was about 5:30. I don’t know why I didn’t just go home at that point…but there is a timing to all of these events and I had to hit that street corner at exactly the right moment and that moment had not yet come…I didn’t know all of this at the time, but that is most likely the reason for this detour…I had been out all day and I had the show in a few hours…But there is a Ross on the corner of Sunset and La Brea and I went in. I was still on the phone with Tippy at that point. Finally, he said that he had to get off the phone with me and call his sister. And so he did. I spent another 15 or so minutes in the store and then left. It is almost 6pm.
I am heading South down La Brea. And I am smoking a cigarette. I am almost at the corner of La Brea and Santa Monica and I put it out. I am on the left (East) side of the street and I remember that the walk signal is on and I can cross Santa Monica at this point. But for some reason…I don’t…
And I turn and I face the opposite side of La Brea and I wait to cross La Brea instead. Finally, the signal says walk…and I so I do…and I remember that as I came to the other side of the street, I went to push the walk button so I could cross Santa Monica…and out of the corner of my eye…I see him…
And he says to someone who’s face I will never remember: “I’m going to go and try to talk to her.”
I remember hearing this…only at the time, I didn’t know that whoever this person was…meant me…
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him walk the 15 steps over to where I am standing. “Do you have another cigarette?” he asks me. So, he’s been watching me because I put that cigarette out several minutes ago. “Yes,” I reply and I give it to him. And I don’t remember if he lit it himself or if I lit it for him…but I remember he put his right arm up against the lamp post and just smiled at me…
And the signal said “walk” but I stood there with him and we talked…and then it said “wait”
And I didn’t know if it meant to wait WITH him or to wait FOR him…and in the end, after he had told me I was beautiful three times…and there is an awkward pause as he looks me up and down smiling…I decide that it means to wait FOR him…and so I walk away…
And the rest of the story you know…
That was 52 Fridays ago…364 days ago…
Tomorrow is November 5th…that is the one year anniversary…
And I will walk the exact same route…And I will wear the same clothes…and I will eat and drink the same things…and I will go to the same places…
And I will call Tippy at the time we spoke…
They say that there are levels of existence and they are staggered and they are stacked up one on top of the others…this is one theory as to how time travel is possible…that if one were somehow able to find a way to slip through into one of these other dimensions…they would be able to visit that very day but in a different year. Regardless of whether you believe in this or not, a year is a period of time that is very significant to people. That is why anniversaries and birthdays bring up memories and ghosts from the past.
Will a trace of him be standing on that street corner at 6pm tomorrow night???
I don’t know.
Will there be any meaning in my walking tomorrow at all???
I don’t know.
When will I see him again???
I don’t know.
Thursday, November 03, 2005
CONFESSION
I border between hope and despair. I know that on this night one year ago, I was closer to despair than to hope. Little did I know that less than 48 hours later, I would experience a profound event that would give me back a great deal of my hope and forever change the way I viewed the world.
But, for whatever reason, I would walk away from it…and then spend the next year of my life, again somewhere between hope and despair, trying to get back what I carelessly left behind on that busy street corner.
If this thing is returned to me, I know, without a doubt, that I will not regret a single moment or a single breath I have taken this past year. And I will know that all things happen for a reason.
But that is then and now is now and here I sit in this empty movie theatre alone, awaiting a movie I am told I could have written myself. Because, in some ways, it supposedly parallels my own story.
I have always wished to believe that there is goodness in this life. And so I have always hoped to believe this thing will one day be returned to me and I have not wasted what is promised to be a great opportunity in my life.
But, often, in these last few days, I find myself edging closer and closer to the darkest places I know…where all of my hope is near gone and my life force wanes. Here, I find myself almost completely overcome by despair. And still, somewhere, in the deepest place in my soul…I hope. Because I know that the Laws of Time are not mine to own…or to even know sometimes.
And because I also know that there is a cyclical element to both nature and time. The sun has almost returned to the place it was that fateful night and the seed I planted…at that small auto shop in Van Nuys, CA…a seed of hopeful searching…has been in gestation for 286 days and nights…the appropriate 9 ½ months that some things take from conception to birth.
Though when we parted ways 362 days ago…that man who looked into my eyes and told me that I was beautiful…that man who I know I knew from somewhere though until that night, had never laid eyes on before in this life…though that man may not have understood that we would meet again…somewhere, in my heart, I knew…
But then, somewhere in his soul...consciously or unconsciously…maybe he knew this as well. I hope that someday soon, I will have the opportunity to sit with him and find out.
I don’t know why I have been so compelled to find him again…I only know that I have. And I only know that our conversation was far from finished that night…and there were things still left to say.
And so now, I sit here in this empty movie theatre alone. Because it is either this or go home, overcome by despair, and cry alone in my bedroom until, exhausted, I drift asleep.
I border somewhere between hope and despair. I don’t know which is strongest tonight. Maybe it is despair. Maybe after this movie it will be hope.
Maybe those two forces, which are really only two ends of the same spectrum, will be equal.
The lights dim…and I wish for hope…
I border between hope and despair. I know that on this night one year ago, I was closer to despair than to hope. Little did I know that less than 48 hours later, I would experience a profound event that would give me back a great deal of my hope and forever change the way I viewed the world.
But, for whatever reason, I would walk away from it…and then spend the next year of my life, again somewhere between hope and despair, trying to get back what I carelessly left behind on that busy street corner.
If this thing is returned to me, I know, without a doubt, that I will not regret a single moment or a single breath I have taken this past year. And I will know that all things happen for a reason.
But that is then and now is now and here I sit in this empty movie theatre alone, awaiting a movie I am told I could have written myself. Because, in some ways, it supposedly parallels my own story.
I have always wished to believe that there is goodness in this life. And so I have always hoped to believe this thing will one day be returned to me and I have not wasted what is promised to be a great opportunity in my life.
But, often, in these last few days, I find myself edging closer and closer to the darkest places I know…where all of my hope is near gone and my life force wanes. Here, I find myself almost completely overcome by despair. And still, somewhere, in the deepest place in my soul…I hope. Because I know that the Laws of Time are not mine to own…or to even know sometimes.
And because I also know that there is a cyclical element to both nature and time. The sun has almost returned to the place it was that fateful night and the seed I planted…at that small auto shop in Van Nuys, CA…a seed of hopeful searching…has been in gestation for 286 days and nights…the appropriate 9 ½ months that some things take from conception to birth.
Though when we parted ways 362 days ago…that man who looked into my eyes and told me that I was beautiful…that man who I know I knew from somewhere though until that night, had never laid eyes on before in this life…though that man may not have understood that we would meet again…somewhere, in my heart, I knew…
But then, somewhere in his soul...consciously or unconsciously…maybe he knew this as well. I hope that someday soon, I will have the opportunity to sit with him and find out.
I don’t know why I have been so compelled to find him again…I only know that I have. And I only know that our conversation was far from finished that night…and there were things still left to say.
And so now, I sit here in this empty movie theatre alone. Because it is either this or go home, overcome by despair, and cry alone in my bedroom until, exhausted, I drift asleep.
I border somewhere between hope and despair. I don’t know which is strongest tonight. Maybe it is despair. Maybe after this movie it will be hope.
Maybe those two forces, which are really only two ends of the same spectrum, will be equal.
The lights dim…and I wish for hope…
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
MORE TALES FROM CARTER'S AUTO
1) “Locksmith Eddie”—locksmith—5 feet tall and 5 feet wide—Carter says: “he’s a nice man, but he can barely reach the pedals because his stomach is so large.” This is apparently why he has wrecked many cars. Very good at playing darts and frequents bars in North Hollywood and Van Nuys where he challenges other patrons to a game of darts.
2) “Fast Eddie”—alcoholic—his wife apparently frequently buys him tickets to New York City so that he can make money there repairing cars—most likely, she does this to be rid of him for a few months at a time—According to Carter, “Fast Eddie” is a con-artist. Only drives while drunk and never drives his own car because all of his cars have been impounded. Once “blacked out” while driving and woke up in a NYC jail. Didn’t know how he got there. Spent 20 nights in jail where he apparently read many books on architecture.
3) “Coked-Out Katie”—hooker—“Sheri” is her “street-walking” name. Several summers ago when it was over 100 degrees in The Valley, she would pass out and sleep several hours in the baking sun in a car with all the windows rolled up out front Carter’s Auto. This is where Elliot, part-owner of Sepulveda Auto Body, first saw her and became enamored by her.
4) Elliot—as mentioned previously, along with “Kojak,” part-owner of Sepulveda Auto Body. Asked “Coked-Out Katie” to move into his mansion in Santa Clarita with him. She agreed to this as long as her “hooker friends” could also move in with them. Used to charge Elliot $50 for a blow-job. According to Carter, “they had a better relationship when he was paying her.” When she moved in with Elliot, she told him: “I don’t like to get involved. I just like to get high and date other men.” He told her: “That’s okay by me as long as you agree to live with me.”
5) Richard (aka “Kojak”)—nick-named Kojak because he looks like the television actor Telly Sevalas--part-owner of Sepulveda Auto Body. Is in his early 60s and has already had three open-heart surgeries. According to Carter: “he’s probably also bi-polar.” Carter says: “Kojak will probably die one day screaming and carrying on in the shop’s driveway.” Kojak’s doctor comes to see him because Kojak refuses to drive his Jaguar anywhere “because it might get dented in by somebody.” The doctor told him not to exercise and to keep your stress levels down lest you have another heart attack.” Carter says: “Kojak can’t even run to answer the phone.” Did not speak to Carter for 12 years due to an argument they had because Carter was parking his car in front of Kojak’s shop.
6) Angie—she is the ring-leader of all of the “street-walkers” on that stretch of Sepulveda. According to Carter: “all of the girls and many men are in fear of Angie because she beats them all up.” Exclusively dates men convicted of Murder I or Murder II. Currently in the state penitentiary in Coachella where she has apparently recently “found the Lord.”
7) “Shoeless Kim”—one of Angie’s “street-walkers.” Once changed clothing in the bathroom at Carter’s shop. While she was changing, Carter’s watchdog Bucky stole Kim’s shoes and buried them behind one of the cars in the auto yard. Dates a man that Carter knows named Kenny, who is the “laughing stock” of the garage because he has apparently “done things with ‘Shoeless Kim’ that you are never supposed to do with a hooker.” “Shoeless Kim” is also now in the state penitentiary in Coachella.
8) “Laughing-Stock Kenny”—According to Carter: “He’s a nice man, but in love with “Shoeless Kim,” who really takes advantage of him.” Kenny is still seeing Kim even though she is in the State Pen. He sends her letters and money at least once a week. Kenny also has a heroin problem and owes Carter a lot of money for car repairs. Told Carter he didn’t have the money at that time, but he was spotted at the bar Liquid Zoo on Sepulveda by both Willie and Fast Eddie pulling handfuls of $20 bills out of his pockets.
9) “Under-Handed Kenny”—“sneaky”—according to Carter: “you can’t trust him any further than you can throw him.” Puts ads in the LA Press stating that he has a room for rent. Gets young girls to move in with him and then tries to start relationships with them. Carter believes “Under-Handed Kenny” needs to be “polite pick-pocketed.”
10) “Kenny B”—works at Universal Studios as an accountant. Likes to fix cars and sometimes comes down to Carter’s to work on them. According to Carter: “he looks just like a detective.” Always wears sunglasses and many people believe he may work undercover for the LAPD, though Carter knows this is not the case. Has one son named Garrett.
11) Garrett—Kenny B’s 18-year-old son. Likes to steal cars, drink, and smoke pot—all activities which Kenny B enthusiastically condones. Is dating a 35-year-old woman named Rhonda and totaled her brand new Mustang a few months ago while they were driving to Vegas.
12) Rhonda—35 years old. Her ex-husband is allegedly in the porno industry. Met Garrett while she was at the local roller rink with her 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter. According to Carter: “Garrett enjoys playing games with Rhonda’s children since they are closer to his age than she is.” Rhonda is also friends with a woman Carter knows named Kathy.
13) Kathy—crazy—is practically stalking Carter at the present time. Carter used to like her and she only started liking him after he stopped pursuing her. Often calls Carter while she is in the shower to describe the experience to him. He tries to avoid her at all costs because “she is crazy and too much to handle.”
14) “Big Dick”—received this nickname because “everything is about Dick,” according to Carter and Eddie. Only talks about himself and will do everything within his power to steer the conversation back around to him. Throws good parties. Married to a professional tennis player who is 30 years younger than him.
15) “Tiger”—pimp—drives a big purple Cadillac—according to Carter: “Tiger is currently ‘on vacation,'” meaning he is in the State Pen. One of his “girls” is named “Special K.”
16) “Special K”—works for “Tiger”—according to Carter: “Special K really likes to hit the pipe.” While high, she will often remove all of her clothing and sit out in the driveway in front of the auto shops. Looks like Jane Mansfield. Carter apparently used “Special K” to get back at “Underhanded Kenny.” He told “Underhanded Kenny” that he had a girl who really wanted to date him and that he could pick her up on the corner of Sepulveda and Saticoy. When he arrived there, “Special K” was waiting for him. She then swindled him out of a lot of money.
1) “Locksmith Eddie”—locksmith—5 feet tall and 5 feet wide—Carter says: “he’s a nice man, but he can barely reach the pedals because his stomach is so large.” This is apparently why he has wrecked many cars. Very good at playing darts and frequents bars in North Hollywood and Van Nuys where he challenges other patrons to a game of darts.
2) “Fast Eddie”—alcoholic—his wife apparently frequently buys him tickets to New York City so that he can make money there repairing cars—most likely, she does this to be rid of him for a few months at a time—According to Carter, “Fast Eddie” is a con-artist. Only drives while drunk and never drives his own car because all of his cars have been impounded. Once “blacked out” while driving and woke up in a NYC jail. Didn’t know how he got there. Spent 20 nights in jail where he apparently read many books on architecture.
3) “Coked-Out Katie”—hooker—“Sheri” is her “street-walking” name. Several summers ago when it was over 100 degrees in The Valley, she would pass out and sleep several hours in the baking sun in a car with all the windows rolled up out front Carter’s Auto. This is where Elliot, part-owner of Sepulveda Auto Body, first saw her and became enamored by her.
4) Elliot—as mentioned previously, along with “Kojak,” part-owner of Sepulveda Auto Body. Asked “Coked-Out Katie” to move into his mansion in Santa Clarita with him. She agreed to this as long as her “hooker friends” could also move in with them. Used to charge Elliot $50 for a blow-job. According to Carter, “they had a better relationship when he was paying her.” When she moved in with Elliot, she told him: “I don’t like to get involved. I just like to get high and date other men.” He told her: “That’s okay by me as long as you agree to live with me.”
5) Richard (aka “Kojak”)—nick-named Kojak because he looks like the television actor Telly Sevalas--part-owner of Sepulveda Auto Body. Is in his early 60s and has already had three open-heart surgeries. According to Carter: “he’s probably also bi-polar.” Carter says: “Kojak will probably die one day screaming and carrying on in the shop’s driveway.” Kojak’s doctor comes to see him because Kojak refuses to drive his Jaguar anywhere “because it might get dented in by somebody.” The doctor told him not to exercise and to keep your stress levels down lest you have another heart attack.” Carter says: “Kojak can’t even run to answer the phone.” Did not speak to Carter for 12 years due to an argument they had because Carter was parking his car in front of Kojak’s shop.
6) Angie—she is the ring-leader of all of the “street-walkers” on that stretch of Sepulveda. According to Carter: “all of the girls and many men are in fear of Angie because she beats them all up.” Exclusively dates men convicted of Murder I or Murder II. Currently in the state penitentiary in Coachella where she has apparently recently “found the Lord.”
7) “Shoeless Kim”—one of Angie’s “street-walkers.” Once changed clothing in the bathroom at Carter’s shop. While she was changing, Carter’s watchdog Bucky stole Kim’s shoes and buried them behind one of the cars in the auto yard. Dates a man that Carter knows named Kenny, who is the “laughing stock” of the garage because he has apparently “done things with ‘Shoeless Kim’ that you are never supposed to do with a hooker.” “Shoeless Kim” is also now in the state penitentiary in Coachella.
8) “Laughing-Stock Kenny”—According to Carter: “He’s a nice man, but in love with “Shoeless Kim,” who really takes advantage of him.” Kenny is still seeing Kim even though she is in the State Pen. He sends her letters and money at least once a week. Kenny also has a heroin problem and owes Carter a lot of money for car repairs. Told Carter he didn’t have the money at that time, but he was spotted at the bar Liquid Zoo on Sepulveda by both Willie and Fast Eddie pulling handfuls of $20 bills out of his pockets.
9) “Under-Handed Kenny”—“sneaky”—according to Carter: “you can’t trust him any further than you can throw him.” Puts ads in the LA Press stating that he has a room for rent. Gets young girls to move in with him and then tries to start relationships with them. Carter believes “Under-Handed Kenny” needs to be “polite pick-pocketed.”
10) “Kenny B”—works at Universal Studios as an accountant. Likes to fix cars and sometimes comes down to Carter’s to work on them. According to Carter: “he looks just like a detective.” Always wears sunglasses and many people believe he may work undercover for the LAPD, though Carter knows this is not the case. Has one son named Garrett.
11) Garrett—Kenny B’s 18-year-old son. Likes to steal cars, drink, and smoke pot—all activities which Kenny B enthusiastically condones. Is dating a 35-year-old woman named Rhonda and totaled her brand new Mustang a few months ago while they were driving to Vegas.
12) Rhonda—35 years old. Her ex-husband is allegedly in the porno industry. Met Garrett while she was at the local roller rink with her 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter. According to Carter: “Garrett enjoys playing games with Rhonda’s children since they are closer to his age than she is.” Rhonda is also friends with a woman Carter knows named Kathy.
13) Kathy—crazy—is practically stalking Carter at the present time. Carter used to like her and she only started liking him after he stopped pursuing her. Often calls Carter while she is in the shower to describe the experience to him. He tries to avoid her at all costs because “she is crazy and too much to handle.”
14) “Big Dick”—received this nickname because “everything is about Dick,” according to Carter and Eddie. Only talks about himself and will do everything within his power to steer the conversation back around to him. Throws good parties. Married to a professional tennis player who is 30 years younger than him.
15) “Tiger”—pimp—drives a big purple Cadillac—according to Carter: “Tiger is currently ‘on vacation,'” meaning he is in the State Pen. One of his “girls” is named “Special K.”
16) “Special K”—works for “Tiger”—according to Carter: “Special K really likes to hit the pipe.” While high, she will often remove all of her clothing and sit out in the driveway in front of the auto shops. Looks like Jane Mansfield. Carter apparently used “Special K” to get back at “Underhanded Kenny.” He told “Underhanded Kenny” that he had a girl who really wanted to date him and that he could pick her up on the corner of Sepulveda and Saticoy. When he arrived there, “Special K” was waiting for him. She then swindled him out of a lot of money.
