Monday, November 28, 2005
LET ME CLARIFY:
I did not say I was giving up the Clint Search. The Universe is fucking with me. I attempted to fuck back with it, but I don’t think this is going to work.
I don’t believe that I have sacrificed much (other than my sanity) in order to continue this search. It’s not like I put the band on hold. Musically, I am in a better position than I have been in a long time. I put a lot of hard work and effort into putting this band together and getting it to where it is now. And I plan to continue this and put as much work as possible into getting it to a better place. I don’t believe that the Clint Search hinders that.
Two weeks ago, a psychic reader told me that Clint would not be coming back for YEARS. That is what caused me to flip out and spurred all of this. What is essentially going on here, though, is confusion of communication due to Mercury’s retrograde motion (which will, thankfully, be over on the 4th of December). I can’t think straight, so I don’t know how I could possibly expect anyone else to understand what I am thinking.
We thought that if I attempted to move on to someone else, that would trigger Clint’s return. For the past week, I have obsessed over a different man (the product of an innocent flirtation that has been going on for several months). I finally got up the courage to make a step to move that forward…just in time to find out that he is leaving the country (or has already left at this point). So, once again, it just slips right through my hands.
I can’t have Clint. I can’t have anyone else. I do not understand why The Universe fucks with me in this way. MBM says: “it is because it has bigger plans for you.” I really wish I knew what that was. Because all I can think about right now is pounding my head into a wall…
I did not say I was giving up the Clint Search. The Universe is fucking with me. I attempted to fuck back with it, but I don’t think this is going to work.
I don’t believe that I have sacrificed much (other than my sanity) in order to continue this search. It’s not like I put the band on hold. Musically, I am in a better position than I have been in a long time. I put a lot of hard work and effort into putting this band together and getting it to where it is now. And I plan to continue this and put as much work as possible into getting it to a better place. I don’t believe that the Clint Search hinders that.
Two weeks ago, a psychic reader told me that Clint would not be coming back for YEARS. That is what caused me to flip out and spurred all of this. What is essentially going on here, though, is confusion of communication due to Mercury’s retrograde motion (which will, thankfully, be over on the 4th of December). I can’t think straight, so I don’t know how I could possibly expect anyone else to understand what I am thinking.
We thought that if I attempted to move on to someone else, that would trigger Clint’s return. For the past week, I have obsessed over a different man (the product of an innocent flirtation that has been going on for several months). I finally got up the courage to make a step to move that forward…just in time to find out that he is leaving the country (or has already left at this point). So, once again, it just slips right through my hands.
I can’t have Clint. I can’t have anyone else. I do not understand why The Universe fucks with me in this way. MBM says: “it is because it has bigger plans for you.” I really wish I knew what that was. Because all I can think about right now is pounding my head into a wall…
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