Sign of the Times

DAYS...

Today is Friday October 28th. It is 357 days since 11/5/04, the night of the initial meeting with Clint as well as my first performance in Los Angeles.

For 58 days, there was very little searching done. We simply hoped that I would “randomly” run into Clint again somewhere. I believed that perhaps, a few songs needed to be written. 10 songs were written during that time.

58 days later, the calls began the week of 1/3/05. Calls were made for 13 business days before Carter’s Auto was found.

Carter’s was found on 1/19/05, the day that Beth first talked to Willie at the shop.

The following morning, 1/20/05, I spoke to Carter, told him brief parts of the story and left my number there. This is the day that the “seed” was planted.

That was 281 days ago.

3/17/05 marks the last day that Clint was seen at the shop. That was 132 days after our initial meeting and 57 days after we found Carter’s shop.

3/18/05 marks the day that my letter was taken to Carter’s. That is 58 days after Carter’s is found. Clint, of course, has not received the letter because he has not been to the shop since.

Today, it has been 225 days since Clint’s disappearance. It has been 224 days since my letter was taken to the shop (this is equal to one transit of Venus around the sun).

Today, it is 282 days since Carter’s was found. It is 281 days since I planted the “seed” at the garage. I “planted” the idea that someone was looking for Clint. Within the universal laws of time, we know that some ideas take 9 months from their time of conception to their full reality. The average woman carries a child for 9 ½ months, or 288 days, from conception to birth.

A tri-mester is equal to 96 days. Going with the pregnancy analogy, if conception occurred on 1/20/05, when the idea was planted, the last tri-mester would occur from 8/2/05-11/5/05 (the one-year anniversary of our initial meeting). Coincidentally, this is also the time period that I have spent getting to know Carter, who has become a surrogate father to me in that time.

The astrological correspondence to events that are occurring in the universe right now:

“The mechanics of emotion become evident now.”

Coincidental???

WEDNESDAY

Carter had no news for me today...though he did add that the day is still early...

He told me that it was "simply just a boring day down at the office"

I told him that sometimes, it is when you are having a completely boring day...that something comes along to knock the wind right out of you...you never know who could wander down to the garage in the next hour...of course, it may just be the subtlety of Neptune's Station Direct with the overtness of Jupiter changing signs...and that won't happen for another hour and a half...

Carter is now interested in astrology after our conversation today and he would like me to make his chart for him...I told him about the chart I did for the day that Clint and I met and how if I had seen that chart beforehand, I would have never walked away from that man...he says that he believes there has to be something to that...I also told him that there are a lot of things that are going on in the universe right now that started with the Lunar Eclipse of last Monday that just make it seem "right" that this is the time he should return...

Carter said that he believes that Clint and I should see "Elizabethtown" together...he also mentioned that he wondered if Clint was going to roll down there next Tuesday when I am working on the other axel...Nov. 1st...El Dia De Los Muertes...and one day after Samhain...when we will have done the ritual...Samhain marks the beginning of our new year...we met around the new year last year, so it seems "fitting" we should remeet around another new year...I do think it could be this week, but that day seems just as likely...we are still going to be feeling the reverberations of all of this planetary activity until mid November...however, it would seem like all of this should be resolved sooner than then...Venus will move into Capricorn on November 5th...it's not a very friendly placement...The big thing, however, is that Mercury will Station Retrograde on the 13th...and retrogrades have brought me nothing but trouble...Craig was met during one/Shane Curry was met during one/Charlie was met during one...But the biggest thing will be on November 21st when the Sun enters Sagittarius and then the following day when Saturn Stations Retrograde...there is a need for this to be resolved by then...

Any day could be the day...

You can never expect...what the day will bring before the sun has set...

Find Clint. Find Peace.

SYNCHRONICITY??

We know that there is synchronicity within the universe…and I think it signals changes…in this case, hopefully good ones…

I talked to Carter today and our conversation was very nice…though I started to cry near the end of it…not for bad reasons but because I was just moved to do so by what he said…

He told me that he saw the movie “Elizabethtown” over the weekend and he told me that I could have written this movie myself. Apparently, the story of these two people, though not exactly like Clint and I, is very similar in some ways. But he told me that I might not be able to see this movie right now because it “might hit way too close to home.” Long story short, these people meet in a random chance kind of situation like Clint and I…and then she goes to great lengths in order to see him again. And of course, there is the “Hollywood ending” and everything turns out perfectly in the end. And Carter said to me: “this is the perfect kind of ending that we’ll have with your story.” And I said: “Well, I hope that our story has a good ending.” And he said: “You know…I just know that it will and everyone will be very happy with it.”

And I don’t really know why this affected me so much…but he told me that he just didn’t think that it was coincidental that this movie should come out at this time. With all that’s going on in our story…

So, it is possible that so much synchronicity signals the change that we have been waiting for a very long time…

He also brought up the fact that it was around this time last year that I first met Clint…And I said: “Well it just seems like he should be coming back around this time…since this is when I met him…it was a Friday and I remember almost every detail of that day…”

And he said: “Well you know…there’s just something about the end of October and the month of November…it’s just always a very good time around the shop…maybe it’s because the weather’s just so nice…but it’s just always a very good time here…"

So, I guess I must remain hopeful…even though it’s hard…

There are a lot of synchronous events occurring…and I’ve just got to believe that means something…

SONG 53...
_____________________________________________________________________

HOMECOMING DAY

Tomorrow is the day
Four words that will one day be true
You are so beautiful
Four words that sound empty except from you

I’ve rehearsed this in my mind
Can I buy you a drink and an hour of your time?
One drink turns into four or five
And an hour turns into the rest of our lives

Cause this is the day
That will knock the wind right out of you
This is the day
That we’ve waited for and now it’s true

Oh…oh…I guess it’s Homecoming Day
Oh…oh…I guess it’s Homecoming Day

So much to say to you
And I want to be sure that I get it just right
You have no idea how far I’ve come
Just so I could sit here tonight

This is the day
You were blinded by but could always feel
This is the day
We have dreamed about but now it’s real

**CHORUS**
Oh…oh…I guess it’s Homecoming Day
Oh…oh…I guess it’s Homecoming Day
There are things I remember…
And things I regret
There’s a corner in Hollywood
That we can’t forget
There’s a light I’ve kept burning
So you’d find your way back safe…
On Homecoming Day

I am rich in many ways
I am rich in many ways
But there is one thing that I need
You’re the one thing that I need

The gentle urging of my heart
That I have more to say to you
I have no idea what that is
But I trust when I see you the words will come through

Cause this is the day
We have waited for all our lives
This is the day
We have waited for…so act surprised

**Chorus**

Oh...oh...I guess it's Homecoming Day
Oh...oh...I guess it's Homecoming Day

DEBBIE DREAMED SOME NUMBERS...

As you know, I believe in the significance of numbers. I have dreamed many of them throughout the course of this ordeal. And I know that they all hold some type of significance. I’m just not sure what kind. However, there is one set of numbers that has stuck with me indefinitely. On the night of 7/19/05, I dreamed of Clint. I dreamed that I was out walking and it was a sunny day. I looked at my cell phone to see that I had one missed call. I remember clearly that on the phone, it said 12:32. I listened to the voice message: “Hello, Debbie. It’s Clint. I was just down at Carter’s and he gave me the things that you left there for me. Listen, I think it’s about time that we met again and were introduced properly, my new best friend. Please call me. I really want to see you.”
I woke up with a jolt from this dream and I KNEW that there was significance to it. And I KNEW that there was significance to the number 12:32 or 12-3-2 or 1-2-3-2. I didn’t know what it was...if it was a combination or something, but that number has stuck with me over these past 3 months. This day, Venus is at 12°32” Sagittarius. The significance of that cannot be lost on me. Especially, since this is also a measure of time.

There is one other thing that is not lost on me about this day. There is one other number that I clearly remember dreaming and that is 272. I remember that I dreamt Clint would return around the time when the days were equal to 272. This would have been around the first week of August or so and also when I initially started visiting the garage. I thought that the timing was right then…and Clint would wander down there while I was having lunch with Carter one day. The 9 of cups card from the tarot deck kept coming up…and cups are equal to months…I thought there was some significance there that I couldn’t quite put my finger on…something about 9 months…and giving birth…

It is true that there is a law within the cycles of the universe that some ideas take 9 months from their conception to be fully realized. And so I thought it would be then…back in August…but August came and went…and so did September…

I had always believed that the 9 month waiting period would start from the day I met Clint on the street corner, but what if it really started from the day we finally tracked him down at the right garage?

There is something else not lost on me…9 months…272 days ago, we found Carter’s Auto and I first spoke with Carter on the phone and told him my story…and he told me that he was pretty sure he knew the man I was looking for…that was 9 months ago…though the details were blurry then and my messages were not relayed to Clint properly…Carter didn’t know then the full story and what a huge part of his life this was all about to become…that was 272 days ago…

And so we’ve been in contact with Carter for 9 months…that is the number of wish fulfillment and celebration…

Clint’s been missing from Carter’s garage for 7 months…and that is the number of patience…

The average woman carries a baby to full-term for 288 days…if today is the 272nd since the idea of us locating Clint through Carter was first conceived, there are 16 days left in this term…

And coincidentally, if you add 16 days to the 272 that have already passed, you will come to the one-year anniversary of the night I met Clint…ironic, huh?

But I dreamed 272 and 12:32 for some reason…and sometimes deliveries come early...

If I am correct about all of this…someone might want to get the champagne ready…

SONG 52...now, I have a year's worth of songs...that's got to be worth something...
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PAINFULLY BEAUTIFUL

There is a pattern
I’ve been watching in the sky for days
Flirting with the hangman
Who’s laughing cause he loves to watch me wait
Thought I could bribe him
If I played it smart and cool
But the thing about the hangman—
Is he is making all the rules

Now, I’ve been hanging…
And I’ve been swinging
And he’s been taunting me
Then a flash in the sky…
And I see his knife
He’s come to cut me from this tree

**CHORUS**
I hope I fall…
I hope I fall so hard
I hope I break some bones
And my body’s jarred
I hope I fall…
And when I come around
I’ll find the whole damn time
You were on the ground
Below my feet…
And then I’ll know
That hanging from his noose
Was not so bad…
It was painfully beautiful

There is a full moon
Setting in the west
I’ve been watching it
Night after night without rest
Talking to the hangman…
Pleading for his sympathy
But the thing about the hangman—
Is he alone knows when to set me free

Now, I’ve got rope burns…
Around my neck
They’re getting deeper by the day
I see him approaching…
He’s loosening the knots
Something’s about to break

**Chorus**

It’s not for me…to decide
Cause this lifetime is not mine alone
It’s not for me…to decide
Cause the laws of time are not mine to know
It will be worth the wait
When the rope is frayed and about to break
It will be worth the wait
When I finally see…
You were beneath the tree...

I have waited…
Agitated
And he’s been mocking me
Then lightening flashes…
And I see the slashes
As his knife cuts me free

**Chorus**

I hope I fall...
I hope I fall...
I hope I fall so hard from this tree
I hope I fall...
I hope I fall...
And when I finally fall
I will find that you're
Below my feet
And then I'll know
That hanging from his noose
Was not so bad...
It was painfully beautiful

CLINT SEARCH UPDATE...

As many now know, Borden did not, in fact, turn out to be the Clint that I met on the street, disputing Tippy’s theory in the “trinity,” where all three Clint’s (“street Clint,” “camera Clint,” and “auto shop Clint” were one in the same). However, I spent a very nice night with Borden, who asked me if he could be the movie. I told him, “Oh course, you already are.” I don’t yet know what his full role in this story will be. I suppose that will come later. But it is IMPERATIVE that we find the right Clint.

However, we believe, almost beyond a shadow of a doubt that “street Clint” and “auto shop Clint” are the same person. And it is simply just a matter of time before Clint returns to Carter’s shop. The waiting is frustrating, but it seems like the thing we have to do right now.

On Friday night, Beth and I were still wondering about this whole Borden situation. Clearly, physically, this man does not meet the description of the Clint I met…nor does he meet the description of the “Clint” Thomas described to us that night. Which led us to wonder: when Thomas said the name “Borden” did Beth hear him wrong? I will admit: I never heard the name at all. I didn’t hear what he said. But then she repeated “Borden” and that’s what I heard. But we must take into account that Thomas has a very thick Norwegian accent. And another name could easily sound like “Borden,” with such an accent. Beth latched onto the name “Borden” because it’s a name familiar to this story. However, we met Borden and he looks nothing like the man Thomas described and nothing like the Clint I met. Not only that, but Borden doesn’t know Thomas and has never been to the shop before. The “Clint” Thomas described had been to his shop frequently in the past, though he hadn’t seen him in over a year he thought. Also, Borden lives on the southeast side of Lankershim. And Thomas said the Clint he knew lived on the other side…and he pointed to the northwest…that would be closer to the Sherman Oaks/Van Nuys area where we think our Clint is located anyway.

Is it possible that Beth heard Thomas wrong? Something that sounded like “Borden” could easily be: Morgan, Borgen, Boren…with a thick accent…

So, we decided to look into this…and lo and behold, in the area there is Clint Borgen, a Clint Boren, and a Clint Born, as well as a Clint Morgan (but he lives much further north). Clint J. Borgen is about 29 years old. His name is identical to Clint J. Borden’s, with the exception of one letter. His last known address is in Riverside, but that was about 7 or 8 years ago. This could easily be a man who lived in Riverside when he first moved here, moved to Van Nuys a few years later, met Mike, and started running around with him, doing deals and occasionally fixing cars at Carter’s about 4 years ago, which is when Carter originally remembers meeting him. However, I don’t know how to locate this man since the listing is so old.

So, we decided to drive down to the Black Broom again on Saturday and see if I could ask Thomas some more questions about this Clint he knows. I was going to tell him that I had met Borden and he was not the right guy, nor did he seem to be the one that Thomas had described. But maybe Thomas would correct us with a different name. Maybe he would have more information. But when we got to the shop on Saturday afternoon, it was closed. The store had apparently been vandalized and the front of it was all boarded up. There was nothing wrong with the store on Thursday when Beth and Kent drove by it; this must have happened in the last day or so. So, now there is no way to talk to Thomas about the situation. I went home and emailed him, but he hasn’t responded back to me…likely, due to the fact that he is probably dealing with all kinds of shit related to the vandalism of his store.

So, once again, when we are very close to having information of any kind, it slips away at the last moment. Just when we are about to have the crucial information that we need, it slips away…like the day in March when my letter finally went down to Carter’s but yet the day before was the last day that Clint was seen in the shop…or when Rachel was in contact with Bill from Tennessee and it seemed like we were just moments away from locating someone who knew Clint’s phone number or address here and then all of a sudden, Bill moved without a trace and no one has any idea where he’s gone…or now this…where Thomas may very well know the man we are looking for and have crucial information for us, but the shop is broken into and now I can’t get a hold of him…

Yesterday, while I was at the garage, I mentioned all of this to Carter. I told him: “I do all of this searching and follow all of these leads because I have to…because it’s all I can do right now. Otherwise, I would sit in my house and go mad because we go so many days with absolutely no news. I follow them because it makes me feel that at least I’m doing something and it keeps me busy. But I have this feeling that none of my searching and research will actually find him. He will be found the day he gets off his ass and saunters down to your shop.”

And Carter agreed. He said, “It will be just like him. He’ll just wander in here one afternoon like nothing’s happened. Like he hasn’t been gone for 7 months. And I’ll say, ‘Clint, where in the hell have you been?’ and he’ll say, ‘Oh, I don’t know…doing stuff…around…’ And it will be just like Clint.”

This makes me think that this is not that unusual for Clint. Yes, maybe it has been an extra-long time that he has been missing this time, but he does this. And he returns as though nothing has happened.

At this point, I begin to think that maybe there is some kind of “timing” to all of this that I simply have not been able to figure out. Because up until this point, all of my efforts to locate this man (other than actually finding Carter’s garage) have been thwarted. So, I suppose I must resign my self to the Law of Timing. I say that now…I know…tomorrow, I may be going out of my mind again…

But I think to myself…I think back to the very beginning of this story when I laid eyes on him on that street corner and he smiled at me…and his face is burned forever in my mind…and I remember as I walked away (for unexplainable reasons), I KNEW that I would see him again…I KNEW with every bit of my soul that I would see that man again…and so I told myself it would be okay…little did I know that it would be close to a year later and I would still be sitting here writing these same damn words…but I KNEW it then and I suppose there is nothing that should prevent me from KNOWING it now…I will see this man again…just please let it be soon…

SONG 51...I guess there were still things left to say...
_____________________________________________________________________


COMPULSION OF MY HEART

I was ready to roll…but it was likely
A conversation that ended too quickly
At a loss for more words, you paused awkwardly
And your pause kind of scared me…
Yeah, you kind of scared me…

Now, I’m walking alone on the same street
I’ve had more than enough time to think
But nothing prepares me for the moment
That moment is blind

**CHORUS**
And I know there was a reason to walk away…
At the time, but now I know
There are things still left to say
So, I will follow you high
I will follow you far
I will follow wherever you are
Cause I must follow
The compulsion of my heart

I could leave it alone…it might be easier
Choose never to know…but then I’d wonder
Who is this man who could affect me
To the point I can’t speak?

**Chorus**

My sleep…is broken by the saturation
Of that moment I let slip away
My peace…is broken by the sad reflection
Of you as you watched me walk away
Now, my days are spent…
Searching for the scattered pieces
Of this puzzle so that I can
Put them back together just for you…

I cannot explain the urgency
Won’t stop for anything short of an emergency
I can’t imagine the moment of recovery
When I fix my eyes on you

And I know…there was a reason to walk away
At the time, but now I know…
There are things still left to say
So, I will follow above
I will follow below
I will follow wherever you go
I…I will follow you high
I will follow you far
I will follow wherever you are
Cause I must follow
The compulsion of my heart…

I will follow you high
I will follow you far…

BORDEN AND HIS CUPCAKES

Borden asked me, "So, did you leave cupcakes at my house?"

"Cupcakes? That's strange," I exclaimed.

"Yeah, well, someone left me cupcakes on my truck."

"Wow, you must have a lot of admirers," I replied.

"Yeah, I guess," he laughed. "It's just a little strange. I thought you did it."

"Cupcakes, huh..." I said.

"Yeah, huh..." he laughed.

"They were real good. I ate them all. A real nice treat," (he was most likely stoned at the time)

"Well that's good," I replied. "I'll confess...I did it."

"I thought so, that was nice of you..."

AN URGENT MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF www.findaclint.org

My dearest friends at www.findaclint.org:

Well, the drive-by cup-caking apparently worked. Not only did this story become Cutter’s favorite so far in “Finding Clint,” it prompted the phone call that we were hoping for. After several days of phone tag, Clint Borden and I spoke for the first time last night. Granted, at the time, he was stoned (as would be expected), there are details of his story that still just don’t add up, as are there details of Carter’s story that don’t add up. But yet, somewhere, the real Clint exists. And I have considered this point long and hard: there is not one single person in this entire story who knows ALL of the details; not even me.

There is a reason that I dreamed Borden’s name back in January. There is a reason that we have returned to this man THREE times in this story. Borden doesn’t remember his car breaking down, but we must remember it was a year ago and who knows…maybe it wasn’t even his car (I remember that Clint was with someone else that night…I could see him out of the corner of my eye). On the phone, Borden told me: “who the hell knows? I totalled a car. I don’t know when that was. Several months ago?” Borden also claims to not know the store that I am talking about that Thomas owns. But that may be my fault in that I made the mistake of calling it “The Black Broom.” Thomas said that Borden hasn’t really been there since it was called “Raven’s Flight,” over a year ago and the night I met Clint on the street, he told me “I’ve been to this place…’Raven something or other’ on Vineland.”

But Thomas knows Clint Borden and Thomas knows me. Borden claims that he can’t remember who Thomas is…but we, again, must remember that he was stoned when I was talking to him and he confessed: “look, I know a lot of people…most of them I can never remember their names.” And if there is anyone in this story I would trust their intuitions and information almost whole-heartedly, it is Thomas, one of the most amazingly in-tune and spiritual men I have ever met. Borden remarked: “I’m not sure who he is, but what…is he cupid or something?”

I could say: “Fuck it. It’s not the guy. I’m not going to meet him.” But then I remember that there are so many holes in everybody’s stories. All of the information we have gathered over the past year is a mish mash of bits and pieces of stories coming from different people with different perceptions of time, different perceptions of the way the world works, and different ways of perceiving things. There is a good chance this IS the guy. If we had the missing puzzle pieces, we would be able to explain how that is possible and how they all fit together. But we don’t have those pieces yet. Perhaps, after tonight, we will…

Borden says to me: “What are you doing tomorrow night?” “Nothing,” I reply. “Excellent,” he says.

So we agree to meet. I wrote a song on Monday night; the lyrics are: “We could meet at 8:14 Somewhere on Magnolia Street.” Borden picked the place over the phone last night. Guess where? Magnolia Street. Guess when? Between 8-8:30.

I say to him, “How will you know what I look like? I should know what you look like, but how will you know me?”

Borden says: “I will know. Don’t worry. I will know you.” “Well, I stand out in a crowd,” I say. Again he replies: “Excellent.”

So, now I have to go. I wake up in a stark panic this morning. I can’t go. It’s not him. There is no way this could be the Clint I met almost a year ago on the street corner.

But I read the tarot this morning and the cards tell me:
1) What will this day bring?
--5 of cups—the return of a soul mate, good news

2) What is the energy of this day?
--The Sun—great happiness, joy, and optimism

3) Is Clint Borden the Clint I met on the street corner?
--10 of cups—great joy, completion, attaining one’s heart’s desire, one who has remained steadfast in love and come through much misfortune to find happiness

4) Who is Clint Borden?
--9 of cups—a wish has come true
--Page of Pentacles—one who delivers a message

5) What do I need to do today?
--3 of cups—celebrate, joy, problem solved, a satisfactory result


So, you see, I must go tonight…

My friends, is it really possible that after 342 days…almost 49 weeks and 50 songs, our journey could end here tonight…and a new one begin? Is that possible? The way the stars have aligned say it IS possible…at least within the next week and a half…and given that Borden was born on April 2nd, only 7 days after me, the stars are affecting him in similar ways…

What will I say and do if it is not him?

What will I say and do if it is him?

I can’t tell you those things now…tomorrow I will be able to but not right now…and who knows? Beth may start calling the phone tree tonight…then you will know for sure…

Find Clint. Find Peace.

SONG 50...at this point, we've got to be getting close...
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(YOU NEVER KNOW) UNTIL YOU KNOW

At the foot of the mountain
A crisp day in autumn
I don’t know how…but it feels like we
Could solve this mystery

The stream has been backed up
The dam has been stacked up
Suddenly…something breaks
And the water flows free…without apology

And if you knew the reason
You would lose most of the meaning
I don’t know why…
But I sense a change
I can feel it in my bones
And you never know…
Until you know

I can’t explain it
Sometimes, it feels like a train wreck
And I didn’t think I could be
More confused than I already am

Is it true what they sometimes say?
All roads lead the same damn place
I could make an honest mistake
But I don’t believe in random chance

And if you knew where this was heading
You would lose the beauty in the ending
I don’t know why…
But I sense a change
I can feel it in my bones
And you never know…
Until you know

You never know…
Until you go…

We could meet at 8:14
Somewhere on Magnolia Street
And if it seemed appropriate
I could tell you what I meant for you to hear
When we met “accidentally” last year

And it should not seem surprising
It was all about the timing
I don’t know why…
But I sense a change
I can feel it in my bones
And you never know…
Until you go…

No, you never know…
Until you know

CUPCAKES FOR BORDEN

Who doesn’t like cupcakes??

Beth says, “I really don’t trust a man who doesn’t like cupcakes…”

It was Saturday afternoon. Borden had said he would call me “soon,” but that was Monday. Now, normally, you would just write off someone who didn’t call you, but this was an emergency and no ordinary situation. We simply needed to confirm the identity of this man. Is he the Clint I met on the street? And if so, why did he tell me he was from Tennessee if he is not? And why is he not calling? We know for a fact that he is extremely intrigued by the story and does, in fact, want to meet me. So, why isn’t he calling? Is he just scared and unsure of what to say?

Well, by Saturday afternoon, Beth and I were going out of our minds trying to figure out what was going on and what we should do. Somehow, we had to prompt a phone call from him. But how could we do this? We were at Whole Foods eating lunch when this brilliant scheme was hatched…

“I’m about at the point I just want to drive straight down to his house,” I said. “What if we drove down there and left something at his house. When we left the balloons, he immediately emailed that very night.”

“True,” Beth replied. “We could leave more balloons. Halloween ones. Or a cake…or cookies or something. Wait…I’ve got it…cupcakes!!”

“Cupcakes?” I asked. “Why cupcakes?”

“Who doesn’t like cupcakes?” she replied. “And besides, cupcakes are funny.”

She had a point…that was true. Bizarre and outlandish behavior such as this might just get the man to call. If anything, to ask me why I had left cupcakes at his house.

So we drove to the Ralph’s on Magnolia Street…the same one, where more than four months earlier, I had purchased the balloons I left at his house and triggered our initial communication.

But while we were in there, we saw a tall skinny man with long brown hair…with his girlfriend…

Now, you have to understand…we do not know what Clint Borden looks like…only that he is tall and skinny with long brown hair…like the Clint I met last November on the street corner…Clint Borden may be the Clint I met…or he may not be…

So, now I’m in a panic…what if this is Clint Borden here at the Ralph’s a few blocks from his house buying dinner with his fucking girlfriend??? We cant’ very well drive down to his house and leave the cupcakes if this is him…

So, what the hell are we going to do…I’m panicking at this point…

“Allright…I say…we’ll wait until they leave the store and we’ll watch to see what kind of car they get into. We know he drives that pick-up and there were only two other cars in the driveway. We know what they look like.”

So, we get in line…and they get in another line…and fuck…it looks like they’re going to get through checking out before we will…

“Well, what are we supposed to do now?” I ask.

“Here, give me the cupcakes,” Beth says. “You go out to our car and fuck around with it…like you’re doing something with it…and that way you can see them when they leave.”

Well, five minutes pass…and Beth finally comes out…but where are they??? They haven’t left the store…now, I’m in even more of a panic…did I somehow miss then??? But I was sitting here watching the door the whole time…nobody came out…

“Did you see them in there?” I asked her.

“No, I don’t know where they are.”

“Well, we can’t go to Borden’s house if this is him. We have to know what kind of a car these people are driving. I’ll go back in the store. Maybe they got out of line to get something else at the last minute.” I said.

So, I go back in the store and sure enough…they’re in line. And they’re checking out about to leave the store…

So, I leave…and bam…I’m accosted by some man who wants me to sign a petition so every kid can go to preschool or some shit like that…a noble cause…but man, I’m on a mission…he’s going to make me miss seeing what car they get in…

So, now I’m signing this fucking petition…and now he’s got another one out…and I’m just like, “Look, dude, I’m in a really big hurry.” And he’s trying to get me to sign just one more, okay?

And I look around the parking lot…I see them nowhere…I’ve missed them…I turn around and bolt…

“Hey, wait!! Come back!!!” he’s shouting.

I get to Beth’s car. “Fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“I missed them. That fucking guy with the petitions…I missed them.”

“No, they totally got into a white Saturn. I saw them. It’s not Borden. We’re okay. It’s not him,” she replies.

A sigh of relief. I get in the car.

So, now we’re driving the five blocks to Borden’s house. You have to understand about this house…it’s at the end of a cul-de-sac…and there’s no traffic on this street. Especially at 8 at night. So, we decide that we’re going to drive down around the cul-de-sac, and that way, the car will be facing the right direction to get out of there quickly after we make the delivery. I write “For Clint” on a post-it note and stick it to the box of cupcakes. As we’re driving past the house and down into the cul-de-sac, Beth says, “I think there’s someone in there. I thought I saw someone walk past the door.”

We get the car turned around. “Okay, then,” I say. “I’m not going to go all the way up to the porch because that may be too risky and there may be a motion light. I’ll leave them on his truck.”

I open the door. Come around the side of our car and am almost at the foot of his driveway…

And I see him there in the door…staring at me…

Fuck…

Only it’s so dark…it’s only his silhouette…I see a tall skinny man…longish dark hair…but of course (because that would just be too easy)…I can’t see his face. But I’m standing here staring at Borden…who may or may not be the Clint we’re looking for…

And I panic…he starts to come out of the house…there’s no way I’m making it in time around to the passenger side of the car…so, I jump in the back seat…throw the cupcakes in and slam the door…

“Shit, shit, shit…go, go, go…he’s coming!!” I yell.

Beth guns it out of there…

Fuck…

So, now what??? He clearly didn’t see what I looked like because it was dark where I was as well. But I’m sure he saw my silhouette and my profile…and now he’s seen the car…and the man must be wondering “what in the hell is going on here?”

We have to go back with the cupcakes, though because we have to attempt to prompt the phone call…when? We can’t take Beth’s car so we decide we’ll go back with mine.
We decide that we will go the next afternoon. He likely will not be home and we decide it will probably look a lot less conspicuous in the daylight.

The next day, we leave the house with the cupcakes.

“I wonder how long it’s going to take him to call once he gets them?” I muse.

We get to the house and all the cars and the truck are still parked out in the driveway. Likely, someone is home. I tell Beth that she should just leave the cupcakes on the hood of his truck. It’s too risky to go all the way up to the porch.

We turn around in the cul-de-sac…I’ve got the “get-away” car positioned and ready…she jumps out and at a crouched run, runs up around the side of the truck. Cupcakes are in place…back to the car…and we’re out of here…

“I wonder how long before he calls. You know he’s going to know you did it,” Beth said.

We run several errands for the next hour or so before heading home. We get home…and I see I have one missed call…CLINT BORDEN…

Not only that…it is literally minutes after the cupcakes were delivered….

You know he wants to ask me about the cupcakes…but he doesn’t know how…he doesn’t want to sound stupid…he’s extremely nervous on the voice mail:

”Hi…Debbie…this is Clint…ummm…from North Hollywood…ummmm…I was just calling to see what you were ….ummmm….up to….ummmm….what you were doing. Give me a call back….ummmmm….talk to you soon, okay? Ummmmm….okay…bye…”

Yeah, the man’s nervous…

Well, it is literally 15 minutes before we have to go to band rehearsal…I’m nervous too…I don’t have the time to calm myself down and make this call before we have to leave…I promise Beth I will call him when we get home…

“You better not pussy out of this,” she says. “You’re going to call when we get home.”

It’s 9:30 before we get home. By the time I have downed a little wine and have prepped myself to make this call…it is 9:45…

I call…and he’s not home…so I leave a message…I want to see him this week…we should get a drink…call me back…

And that’s where things now stand…I hope you liked the cupcakes, Clint…

JUST CALL ME MISS MECHANIC...

So, I went down to Carter’s Auto on Friday. Took him lunch. The Eclipse needed an oil change and Carter agreed that he would show me what to do if I was willing to do the change myself. Since, for awhile, I have been dreaming of repairing cars, I figured that this was a good opportunity to learn something and get my foot in the door, so to speak.
I donned my “mechanic clothes” (Dickies shorts, black tank top, black steel toe boots) and headed down to the garage. Carter was an excellent teacher. He showed me what to do and I did the entire job myself (though afterwards, he, of course, went underneath the car himself just to make sure that I had done everything correctly). He took many pictures so he could prove to everyone that I had actually done this and he said that he would pick the best one out to put in the “Clint File,” which is down in his office, just waiting for Clint’s return.

“You know, Debbie,” he said, “What you don’t really know about boys like Clint is that this picture will put you in really good favor.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, for guys who fix cars…seeing a girl underneath one who actually has some knowledge of a car is really the hottest thing. Between that and you playing the electric guitar…well, let’s just say, I don’t see that you’re going to have any trouble wooing that boy when he comes back.”

I laughed.

He continued: “Now, Clint may try to test you. Because he won’t believe that you really know anything about cars. And he may say ‘well Debbie, if you changed the oil, what kind of wrench did you use to take off the oil plug?’ And what will you tell him?”

“16 mm wrench, Clint. It’s standard. Everyone knows that,” I replied.

“Good girl,” Carter said.

While we were underneath the Eclipse, Carter discovered that the left front axel is also broken. We have decided to repair that next Monday. I will come to the shop all day to work because it will probably take most of the day. He told me that while we were working on the axel, we would be near the brakes, so he would also teach me about the front disc brakes while we were at it. All of the guys at the neighboring shops could not believe that Carter had a girl down there working with him. They all came out to watch. They all marveled at the fact that I didn’t mind getting my hands dirty.

“Well, you know, there are even some men who get freaked out by getting dirty,” they said.

“It’s just grease. It washes off,” I replied.

“I think I’m going to get a lot more business down here if I’ve got you working here,” Carter remarked.

Not only are we on the Road to Recovery…I may just be on the road to becoming a mechanic myself…

SONG 49...
____________________________________________________________________

REVIVE ME

I’m burning for you
And you burn my atmosphere
Forest fire
Started sometime late last year
Ashes and embers
Blood-hot in the night
As flames consume my soul
My body, heart and mind

I wish you well
Somewhere from the deepest parts of hell
I wish you well
I hope I live to tell you…

**CHORUS**
Come revive me…
I’ll be forever in your debt
Come remind me…
Of what I was unable to forget
Come revive me…
Only your electricity will work
Come revive me…
And I will revive you in return

My blood is boiling
As the temperature goes higher
Standing in the path
Of this massive sheet of fire
Choking on the ashes
As the fields are set ablaze
Crimson sky
Fever in my veins

I wish for air
Somewhere, through the smoke I sense you’re there
I wish for air
I hope that you have some to spare…

**Chorus**

My breath is baited
My soul is weighted
My light is fading
My heart is waiting

I need to breathe
Open up my lungs and just inhale
I fail…
So, open up your mouth and breathe for me…

**Chorus**

If you'll revive me
I'll revive you in return...

SONG 48...48 songs in 48 weeks...and this is a new kind for me...Dave wrote the bass riff and had me come up with lyrics and melody...I kind of like this...and of course, it's about everyone's favorite Van Nuys mechanic...
______________________________________________________________________


EMERGENCY

I…was born 15 days late
And I’ve been late
Every subsequent day

But I…today I can’t be late
If there ever was a time to be on time
It is today

**CHORUS**
Not quite…but we’re almost there
And just my luck
I’m sure the traffic will be stuck
Allright…I’ll take the back roads…I don’t care
Nothing’s going to ruin this day, you see
It’s an emergency

You…you can never expect
What the day will bring
Before the sun has set

I…everyday is just the same
But one day will be different
And everything will change

**Chorus**

Call the paramedics…call the EMT
Cause when I stand before you,
I know it will be difficult to breathe
Call 911…call someone to the scene
Send out somebody to resuscitate me…

You…arrest my heart
And if I live to tell the tale
I will blame this on the stars

**Chorus**

Allright…I am here
Outside on the street
Of the place we’re supposed to meet
Goodnight…my friends,
Wish me peace
I’m about to meet
My greatest emergency

MORE PEOPLE FROM CARTER'S AUTO

1) Elvis—mentioned previously. 5’1” Obsessed with Elvis. No one knows his real name. Has become even crazier in the ensuing weeks. Believes that I am Carter’s daughter and that I have been at music school on the East Coast for four years. Jumped out of his Cadillac when he saw me and proceeded to sing “Blue Suede Shoes,” while doing his best Elvis impersonation. I told him it was very good. He called Carter last week and told him “your daughter has a degree in music and she said I was very good. There must be something to that.” Told Carter he had been doing a lot of thinking about it and has decided that he should take his career “to the next level.” Would like Carter to be his agent. Told him he would give him 25% of all profits. Told Carter he will be at the garage on Friday because he would like me to record him with my hand-held recording device so that I can play it for “the people in Hollywood.”

2) Tiny Don—extremely thin. Has body-image issues. Loves to go to the beach. One woman there apparently told him that he was fat. He is now obsessing over this. Comes to the garage periodically to ask Willie and Carter if they think he needs to lose some weight.

3) Sharon—old friend of Carter’s. Is an agent in Hollywood. At least that is what she tells people. Told Carter that she believes I am a little wild. Her best friend apparently used to date Carter. Now, this woman calls Carter at the garage at least three times a day just to hang up on him.

4) Fat Joan—obese customer of Carter’s. Willie had to drive her to work one day when she dropped her car off at the garage because she had no other way to work. Willie was apparently very embarrassed to be seen driving around with Fat Joan. Carter says the car dropped 5 inches on the passenger side when Fat Joan got in. As Willie was dropping her off, she said to him, “When you get back to the garage, look in the trunk of my car. There is a surprise in there for you and Carter.” When he got back, they opened the trunk and there were nude photographs of Fat Joan herself. Willie says he almost threw up because “that was definitely something I didn’t need to see.”

5) Kenny—Carter despises him. Carter wants to “get him really good.” Carter wants Kenny to be the first person that I “politely pick-pocket.”

MY DREAM LAST NIGHT:

I usually don’t dream like Carter…of actual events that take place the exact way they are dreamed. My dreams tend to be much more symbolic. This is the most vivid dream that I have EVER had of Clint. I woke up and it was like he was in the room with me still. I was very shaken…I sense that something is coming very soon…it was as if I could have reached out and touched him…I woke up and wrote down everything I could remember…

My Dream 10/5/05

Something was going on at a pagan convention center of some kind and we had been told that Clint was going to be there. There was also a dance going on at this place and it was also a birthday party for one of our Mexican friends…maybe Victor Hugo…

We walked in and we knew that Clint was there because Carter had told us that he would be there. I was worried that I wouldn’t recognize him, but as soon as I saw him, I knew it was him. I walked up and said, “Clint,” and though he didn’t say my name, I knew he knew who I was. He told me later that though he didn’t remember my name, he remembered my face.

We ended up leaving together and everyone thought that was okay because we should be alone together because we had a lot to talk about. There was a room where we went and I remember there was a fire burning in it.

Beth finally came into the room later and said: “Carter’s called here three times already tonight and wanted to know what was going on. I told him you were getting to know each other properly.”

Then she said: “If people ask you, they are going to think you were coached as to what to say or what to do. They may not believe this story. You tell them you just happened to be there and you saw each other.”

Clint said: “It doesn’t matter what people think. We know everything that happened. Carter knows you and I know him and it all worked out right. THAT’S what you should tell the people if they ask.”

And then he looked at me and smiled, and it was as if I had known him forever…
____________________________________________________________________
MY DEDICATION:

I hope that I have done a good job. I hope I have learned the right lesson. I hope I have learned the right things. It is about not walking away from things that affect you in monumental ways. It is about persevering against (at times) seemingly insurmountable odds. But on a personal level, it is a lesson of patience. No one can really know what that means until you must ask a completely impatient person to patiently wait. I am that person. I hope, through this, I have learned some form of patience.

My impatience, which is really an inappropriate sense of time and reality, exaggerates my sense of time and makes me even more impatient.

My impatience may make me rush blindly towards my goal, missing the full scope of the journey. I hope these 47 songs may immortalize ever facet of this trip…the ups and downs…the light and darkness…the blindness and moments of clarity and sight...that make this story as beautifully painful yet promising as it is.

And I hope that these 47 songs remind me…even after he has returned…to be patient on the next leg of this journey…

As a new dawn comes and our next chapter begins…

Find Clint. Find Peace.

MY ANNOUNCEMENT

At this point in time, I think that Carter's Clint is likely to turn out to be the one we are looking for...afterall: 1) he is a mechanic and 2) he is from Tennessee. This feeling comes after the news that Carter gave me today (which is related in the blog below this one). However, I am ruling nothing out at this time, and I will continue to follow both leads that we now have...it is possible that they will both lead back to the same place.
Regardless, I know that one of these is going to lead back to the Clint that I met 11 months ago...

We may be in the final days before revelation...

Updates will follow...

SOME BIG NEWS AT CARTER'S TODAY

I called Carter today for our daily phone call and to also check in and see what time and where we were supposed to meet for dinner tonight.

He said, “Before I say anything, I have to tell you about this dream I had. It was about you and Clint and it just went so perfectly.”

I said, “What happened in it?”

He said, “God, you know, I think I may be going crazy too. I just keep thinking of this damn story and you two meeting. That now I’m dreaming of it all the time. But like I said, sometimes my dreams come true. Everything I’ve had a premonition of today has come true so far.”

He was talking a mile a minute and was obviously quite excited about something.

“Well, tell me what happened,” I said again.

“Let me tell you about the dream first. In the dream, some of the boys came down here and I told them, ‘you know what…why don’t you go get Clint and bring him down here. I’ve got a really nice surprise for him…”

He continued: “In the dream, one of the guys left and came back with Clint and I told Clint that I had some business to discuss with him…would he mind having dinner with me? And he agreed. So, I knew that you would be too overwhelmed by all of this, so I called Beth and I told her: “look, you need to leave work immediately and come down here. I have something I need to show you…” She knew that something really big was going on, so she left work and came down to the garage. Clint was hiding in the back office and I told him to come out and Beth stopped dead in her tracks and said, “I know who this is…” So, the three of us devised a plan…that we would meet with you at dinner. You walked in and Beth and I were sitting there at the table. I said to Beth, “Here…let me use your phone…I need to make a quick call…” And I called Clint who was waiting in the car…he walked in…and the look on your face was just priceless…you were just speechless…and it was all just so great and wonderful…”

“Wow,” I said.

“But that’s not all,” Carter went on. “Like I said, I had some other premonitions and every one of them has come true today. About noon, I looked down the driveway and saw this Dodge truck pulling up. And I thought it was The Gardner, but guess who it was?”

“Who?”

“George…”

“Oh my god…” I said. That completely caught me off guard
(**As an aside...besides Mike, George is the other person down there who knows Clint really well…he has been gone this whole time as well…**)

“You’re kidding…” I said.

“Nope. And I said to George, ‘where the hell have you been?’ and he told me it was a long story but that he was back in town. And I got a phone number for him…well, it’s not really for him, but one of his friends where he is staying…now, I’m not going to give you this number because we don’t want to freak them out…but let’s just say…this is big news…finding George is as good as finding Mike…and I sent him out on a little mission I’m not going to tell you the details of…but I’ve got contact with him and he’s supposed to be back sometime this week…if not later today…

“Wow,” I said again. “And you’ve said before, when they disappear…once one comes back, the rest trickle back in, right?”

“Yeah…but I don’t want to get your hopes up too high because I don’t know when this will be…but we’ve got contact and I’ve learned some things…and let’s just say…this is all going to work out…”

“Wow,” I said yet again. I was at a complete loss for words because this was the most news we have had at Carter’s in a long time.

“Now,” he went on, “When you’re down here on Friday…if anybody comes in here besides Clint…anyone from his gang…and that is a very realistic chance…you are my daughter…you’ve been out of town at school for several years and that’s why they’ve never seen you…if the boys come down here, they’re not going to trust you if they don’t know who you are…so if it is them and not Clint on Friday…you’re my daughter…and we’re going to get some information…”

“But do you know anything more about Clint? Did you ask about him?” I questioned.

“I’m not going to tell you anything until I know 100%. I’m only telling you the things I know 100%.”

“But it’s nothing bad, right?” I asked.

“No…no, nothing bad at all. This is some of the best news we could have gotten. And let’s just say…I’m going to fix it so you two are able to talk and we can get this whole thing resolved. We just all need to keep our optimism up. And remember there is something to be said about premonitions. So far, all the things that I have had premonitions about today…have come true…”

“Let’s hope for more news this week…” I said.

“I can almost guarantee it…”

THERE ARE THINGS WE KNOW AND THINGS WE DO NOT KNOW:

1) I do not perform brain autopsies. However, I have, from time to time, told people that is what I did as a “fall-back” career…in case the whole rock star thing ever fell through. I have also told people that:

a) I was from Boston. True, I went to school there, but am not from there.
b) I was from Chicago. No, in fact, I’m from Indiana.
c) I was from Gary, IN. Not true. I actually grew up in Valparaiso.
d) I spent a while in the south. Not true. I don’t remember any of it. I was born in Florida and we lived in Georgia and North Carolina. But I was only 2 years old.
e) I graduated from high school when I was 14. Not true. I graduated when I was 18 like everyone else.
f) I have sold songs in Nashville. Not true. I am thinking of doing this, but have not done so yet.
g) Beth and I are sisters. Our father had four wives and all four of us (Beth, Bill, Jeff, and I) all have different mothers.
h) Beth’s family adopted me when I was an infant. Beth is seven years older than me. A funny story in our family is that Beth and our two brothers flyered the neighborhood with flyers that said, “Baby for Sale.” Our mother was irate when one of the neighbors rang the doorbell and said that her biological children were trying to sell the adopted baby.

All of these “white lies” were told to people…often to men that I was actually interested in at the time. I didn’t realize that other people ran around making up “white lies” and telling them to people they actually liked…so, I never expected that Clint would do this. However, as BD pointed out, if I am interested in Clint in the first place and he is “right up our alley,” he would be no stranger to this type of thing as well.

2) It is for the above reasons, I suppose we cannot put any stock in Clint being from Tennessee or him being a mechanic. The only things that I can really say that we can believe 100% is:

1) I met Clint on the corner of LaBrea and Santa Monica on the evening of November 5th, 2004.
2) His car really did break down. His hands were dirty. Though not a mechanic, he may very well have been trying to fix it because he knew something about cars. The mechanic line was delivered in an attempt to impress me. However, suppose the car never really broke down in the first place and that was a line as well. That he used to explain what he was doing on this sketchy street corner in the first place. So, perhaps, we cannot put stock in this either.
3) He is Romany Wicca. That’s a difficult thing to make up without knowing something about it. Especially since he drops the name of the store that he shops at and knows the street it’s on. He recognizes the very inconspicuous pentacle I am wearing around my neck (which I know is not recognized by people unless they know something about it). It is one thing to say you’re pagan…but an entirely different thing to say Romany. He had to know something about it.

So, we know what he looks like, that I met him that night, that he is Romany, and that he shops at this store. That is ALL we can know for certain at this point. And given those things, this fits Clint Borden’s description.

The questions I still have:

1) Why tell someone you’re from Tennessee if you’re not? But is it possible that he went to school in Tennessee? I know that Clint Borden went to school because he told me that he studied abroad in Belgium at some point.
2) Why say you’re a mechanic when you’re not? As Tippy pointed out: to impress the girl. And I suppose it is possible that Borden would not remember having ever said this. Which is why he told me he was not a mechanic in the email.
3) Carter says that Clint is “not much of a mechanic.” It is possible that Clint does not generally tell people he is a mechanic? But was only saying it that night to impress me. Carter says that Clint is “good at other things.” These things include: cell phone deals, lien sales. Now all of a sudden, Carter is talking about runs to Mexico to get black tar to sell. However, is this Clint? Or one of his friends? Carter is so confused most of the time, it is hard to tell. It would seem strange that the Romany wicca Clint is also a black tar dealer. But maybe that’s someone else who sells it. Clint works on movie sets most of the time (which is what he is doing when he disappears for lengths at a time)…then runs with these boys down at the shop from time to time. Mainly putting liens on the cars. It is hard to put a ton of stock in the DETAILS of what Carter says because 1) he is confused and 2) we don’t even know that the boys are telling him the truth. Carter is crazy and they know that. They might make shit up to tell him.
4) All we can really know from Carter is:

a) he knows a young man named Clint
b) this guy fits our physical description
c) he has known him for about 4 years
d) the guy is from Tennessee, or at least somewhere near there in the south

5) That means our options are:

1) Clint Borden is the Clint we’re looking for; Carter’s Clint is someone else
2) Carter’s Clint is the one we’re looking for; Clint Borden is someone else
3) Neither is the Clint we’re looking for
4) Both are physically the same person: Borden leads two different lives and doesn’t want people at the shop to know about his other life. That’s why no one knows his last name, phone number, or whereabouts.

5) If Borden is the Clint we are looking for, how do we explain Carter?

Suppose, we were meant to meet Carter because of his connection to this very story in another life. However, the Clint he knows is not the right person.
a) Had that person called me and ended all of this in January-March when he was at the shop, we would have very well taken the search elsewhere and ended our relationship with Carter because we did not really have one yet (that is before we had actually met him in person).
b) Had that Clint come back in May-July and confirmed he was not the right person, again we would have taken the search elsewhere because I still had no relationship with Carter at that point (our contact was limited to BD’s calls down there just to see if he had any news) But he didn’t come back then.
c) Had that Clint come back in August-Sept, we would now have the relationship with Carter because that’s when I had started hanging out down at the garage. That relationship would still exist. But just imagine how devastated I would have been in September, to find out that this was the wrong guy and I had no other places to look and had wasted all that time in that one place.
d) But now we have one other place…and that is with Borden, who, for whatever reason, we have returned to again for the third time, though I thought I had ruled him out the previous two. If the Clint (who I did not meet) returns to Carter’s now and confirms that he is not the one I met…we have Borden (who then turns out to be the one I met). The devastation is not there as it would have been in August or September because we had found the right one by that point. Then, we have: 1) a lifelong friend in Carter and 2) the right Clint…the one I met on the street corner last November…and everybody wins…

I personally hope that both Clint’s turn out to be the same person…because it makes the story that much more complex and beautiful…

But I think I’m no longer driving this bus…the universe took over the driver’s seat a long time ago…actually, it’s probably been in the driver’s seat the whole time…

I REALLY DIDN'T THINK I COULD GET ANY MORE CONFUSED THAN I ALREADY AM...

As far as the Clint search…

Tippy has this theory of the universe that were I to actually try and ask someone out and date that person (the wrong person), then the right person (Clint) would come around…so, we went down to Whole Foods where Ken (this guy I have been watching for awhile) was working in the “Fine Cheeses.” He’s always looking at me and I’m always watching him…I wanted to be like Rachel and just march right over to the counter and tell him that he should take me out on a date…but alas, I’m not that confident or bold (just look at the whole mess with the Clint situation)…so, the best I could do was to go up there and ask him if he was a musician and give him one of my cards, explaining that we needed a new drummer for the band and he should call me if he knew of anyone or thought of a place where I could look for someone….it was a stupid attempt at flirting and he probably won’t even call because he didn’t even know that I was hitting on him or what the hell I was doing…but anyway…I did it…

So, we leave Whole Foods and I have decided that we need to go to The Black Broom (the pagan store in North Hollywood that Clint originally told me about) because there were some major planetary aspects (involving the two eclipses that are occurring today and then again on October 17th) that will aspect my chart in ways similar to what was happening the night I met Clint. So, I wanted to get some supplies at the store to do a ritual to try and harness this energy and send it in the appropriate direction. Besides, I wanted to ask them if they knew anyone around here who they would recommend to do a tarot reading.

We get to the store and Thomas, the owner, (who is rarely there on a Saturday) is sitting in there and we are chatting about various things…the band, how we are, etc…and I am checking out…and it completely slips my mind to ask him about the tarot card reading. But Beth remembers…and asks him…he says that he’s not really sure where to send me…do I have a specific question??

It’s about someone I’m trying to find…I tell him…
Romantic relationship?? he asks…

And so I start to tell him the story…”and you know, Thomas, here’s the funny thing…it even involves your shop because this guy told me about your store and that’s when I started coming here…”

So, he asks me who he is…I say “Clint…”

“Oh, Clint Borden you mean…” he replies

And now here’s the deal…we have already been in contact with this person…in fact, I have had Clint Borden’s phone number since January…there’s no way this could be the right guy…I thought I had ruled him out…

But Thomas is confident…he describes him to us…tall, skinny, longish brown hair…

But the problem is that Clint Borden is not from Tennessee…I already know this because I asked him in email…he’s from Toluca Woods…but Thomas tells me…”he had an ex-girlfriend from Tennessee or somewhere around there…he talked about moving there once”…Thomas is certain this is the guy I’m looking for though…he says, “Unless I’m off my rocker, it’s Clint Borden you’re looking for.” Thomas has known him for 10 years. He hasn’t seen him in awhile though…

We thank him for his help and leave…how is this possible? How could there be two tall skinny men with long brown hair named Clint who go to the Black Broom?? The store’s just simply too small and the name Clint is too rare…but before, I didn’t realize that Clint Borden was also pagan…

I had left him a message back on January 17th…when we first found his listing…we knew he was young from our search and he only lived a few blocks away from the Black Broom…so, it would make sense this could be the Clint we were looking for. Besides, this was two days before we found Carter’s Auto and moved our search a town over to Van Nuys…

I left him a message….something about meeting him on a street corner a few months ago…I don’t really remember what I said…but he never called back…so, I forgot about him until the end of May when Beth and I were out taking photos of different sites from the Clint Search…she asked me if I remembered the house we used to drive past on Denny Ave…where that Clint Borden lived? I said that I did and we decided that for posterity, we should drive past the house one more time and get a picture…we did, and there were all kinds of old cars parked out front and several pick-up trucks…this place just looked like it fit the profile of the guy we were looking for…but he never called me back in January…she suggested that maybe he didn’t get the message…

So, we devise this brilliant scheme where Beth is going to deliver balloons to his house and that way she will be able to get a description of him when he comes to the door…”but what if he’s not home???” We’ll leave a card attached to the balloons that tell him he has a secret admirer and to find out who it is…he should email the person…and we left one of my email addresses...one that would not immediately give away what my name was…crazy scheme, we know…probably futile…but at least it will be a neat scene in the movie…

He wasn’t home, so she left the balloons and the card…and that very night…sure enough, I get an email from him…he wants to let me know that he thought it was very sweet and that I shouldn’t stay hidden from him like this…but if it was a joke, he wanted to let me know that it was very funny…

I wrote back that it wasn’t a joke…that I was trying to find a Clint that I had met from Tennessee awhile back…he told me he wasn’t from Tennessee…but he had spent time there and maybe I had thought he had said that…he spoke of fate…that he didn’t think it was coincidental that I had found him and that he doesn’t believe in random chances…maybe all of this had happened so we would meet…or maybe he was the guy I was looking for???

I wrote back that the guy told me he was a mechanic…he wrote back that he wasn’t…he was a camera man for the show Grey’s Anatomy…again, he told me that he thought it was not coincidental that we had been put in contact with each other…he thought we should meet…

This went back and forth for about a week…at one point, I revealed my real name to him…it was right around that time that I was going to Boston for a week for vacation…I told him I would be in touch with him when I got back…but I didn’t think it could possibly be the same guy…why should I meet him and waste my time???…he wasn’t from Tennessee AND he wasn’t a mechanic…this could not be the guy I was looking for…Beth joked that he was probably short and fat and he was most likely NOT pagan…I got back from Boston and I never wrote back to him…

But then, four months later…his name is brought up yet once again…by Thomas…someone I consider very in-tune with the universe…Borden fits the physical description….AND he’s pagan and goes to this shop…could it be just coincidence that there are two Clint’s who look similar who go to this tiny pagan shop in North Hollywood??

I swore I had ruled Borden out…he said he wasn’t from Tennessee…and he wasn’t a mechanic…and I thought I had told him the story of how I met the Clint I was looking for…he should at least remember if his car broke down around that time even if he doesn’t remember the exact date…but when I went back and looked at the old emails we sent back and forth…I realized I had never mentioned that and I had never mentioned Carter…

So, I decided I needed to find out more about him….I needed to see him so I could see with my own eyes if this was the Clint I had, indeed, met back in November…if it proves to be, I have had this guy’s phone number since mid-January…so I emailed Borden and told him that I had thought he was the wrong guy but I had been down the Black Broom and spoken with Thomas and now I had some more questions to ask him…I thought we should meet for a drink or coffee or something…I told him that I didn’t really have email access anymore (because I didn’t want to deal with emailing back and forth again…I just wanted to see him immediately)…so I told him to call me and gave him my phone number…

And that’s where we are now…that was less than 48 hours ago that I sent the email on Saturday night…I haven’t heard back yet…I’m agonizing over this…but Beth says…”he might not have even checked his email yet”…now, we’re just waiting to hear back…this is a guy who was intrigued by the whole story in the first place…he doesn’t believe in random chance…he’s got to call back…Borden was born 7 days after me…I know this already…which means most of the planets were in similar positions when he was born as they were when I was…and these eclipses and planetary aspects that are about to take place and took place on November 5th when I met Clint…would affect Clint Borden’s chart in similar ways…

But how could this be the right guy? Why would he tell me he was from Tennessee if he wasn’t? Why would he tell me he was a mechanic if he wasn’t? And if Borden is the guy I’m looking for, who is the Clint down at Carter’s? That guy runs around Van Nuys doing shady deals and apparently doesn’t have a permanent place to live. Borden works on a film crew and has a house in North Hollywood.

Is Borden the one I’m looking for? Is Carter’s Clint the one I’m looking for? Is neither the one I’m looking for? OR are Borden and Carter’s Clint the same person??? Is Clint a guy who lives two different lives?? Tippy says that the thing about shady deals is that you don’t want the people you’re doing them with to know too much about you…

Is it possible that Clint works on a film crew months at a time and has a house in North Hollywood…when his schedule allows…he goes to Van Nuys and puts liens on cars and runs around with these mechanics…to them, he’s Clint…from Tennessee…no one knows his name or his phone number….in his other life, he’s a cameraman from Toluca Woods??

I don’t know…I can’t wrap my mind around any of this…at this point, I’m about as confused as I have been throughout this entire journey…

Clint Borden just needs to call me…or Carter’s Clint needs to show up down at the garage…something needs to give…

Updates will follow...

47 Songs marks the start of 47 weeks apart...
______________________________________________________________________

WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID


Something in the way the sky looks
Is so familiar
Somehow it reminds me
Of a different day
Where I would walk through Hollywood
Eight hours without stopping
I will walk the same route
Hoping to change the outcome

**CHORUS**
My heart would have told you what it wanted
If it were smart
But it’s not
And so the tragedy is we were wrenched apart
Now, I need to find you
I will…but until then,
I’ll be rehearsing
What I should have said

Something in the way that time moves
Is so frustrating
It passes by so quickly
Except when you’re waiting for something
I will drive the same streets everyday
Looking for you
Someday, we will have the same conversation
But we’ll say different things

**Chorus**

I want you to know
That somewhere in this world
Someone waits for your return
I want you to know
I was fighting every step I took
I turned around and saw your look
Of disbelief that I would leave you
Standing there alone

I cannot explain this
With laws of science
There’s not a bit of logic in my love
Only blindness
I only know that I was affected
In ways not well understood
Now, you’re the only outcome
That I can conceivably think of as good

**Chorus**
My heart would have told you what I wanted
If I were smart
But I'm not
And so the tradegy is that we were wrenched apart
Now, I need to find you
I will...but until then,
I'll be rehearsing
What I should have said...