Thursday, October 06, 2005
MORE PEOPLE FROM CARTER'S AUTO
1) Elvis—mentioned previously. 5’1” Obsessed with Elvis. No one knows his real name. Has become even crazier in the ensuing weeks. Believes that I am Carter’s daughter and that I have been at music school on the East Coast for four years. Jumped out of his Cadillac when he saw me and proceeded to sing “Blue Suede Shoes,” while doing his best Elvis impersonation. I told him it was very good. He called Carter last week and told him “your daughter has a degree in music and she said I was very good. There must be something to that.” Told Carter he had been doing a lot of thinking about it and has decided that he should take his career “to the next level.” Would like Carter to be his agent. Told him he would give him 25% of all profits. Told Carter he will be at the garage on Friday because he would like me to record him with my hand-held recording device so that I can play it for “the people in Hollywood.”
2) Tiny Don—extremely thin. Has body-image issues. Loves to go to the beach. One woman there apparently told him that he was fat. He is now obsessing over this. Comes to the garage periodically to ask Willie and Carter if they think he needs to lose some weight.
3) Sharon—old friend of Carter’s. Is an agent in Hollywood. At least that is what she tells people. Told Carter that she believes I am a little wild. Her best friend apparently used to date Carter. Now, this woman calls Carter at the garage at least three times a day just to hang up on him.
4) Fat Joan—obese customer of Carter’s. Willie had to drive her to work one day when she dropped her car off at the garage because she had no other way to work. Willie was apparently very embarrassed to be seen driving around with Fat Joan. Carter says the car dropped 5 inches on the passenger side when Fat Joan got in. As Willie was dropping her off, she said to him, “When you get back to the garage, look in the trunk of my car. There is a surprise in there for you and Carter.” When he got back, they opened the trunk and there were nude photographs of Fat Joan herself. Willie says he almost threw up because “that was definitely something I didn’t need to see.”
5) Kenny—Carter despises him. Carter wants to “get him really good.” Carter wants Kenny to be the first person that I “politely pick-pocket.”
1) Elvis—mentioned previously. 5’1” Obsessed with Elvis. No one knows his real name. Has become even crazier in the ensuing weeks. Believes that I am Carter’s daughter and that I have been at music school on the East Coast for four years. Jumped out of his Cadillac when he saw me and proceeded to sing “Blue Suede Shoes,” while doing his best Elvis impersonation. I told him it was very good. He called Carter last week and told him “your daughter has a degree in music and she said I was very good. There must be something to that.” Told Carter he had been doing a lot of thinking about it and has decided that he should take his career “to the next level.” Would like Carter to be his agent. Told him he would give him 25% of all profits. Told Carter he will be at the garage on Friday because he would like me to record him with my hand-held recording device so that I can play it for “the people in Hollywood.”
2) Tiny Don—extremely thin. Has body-image issues. Loves to go to the beach. One woman there apparently told him that he was fat. He is now obsessing over this. Comes to the garage periodically to ask Willie and Carter if they think he needs to lose some weight.
3) Sharon—old friend of Carter’s. Is an agent in Hollywood. At least that is what she tells people. Told Carter that she believes I am a little wild. Her best friend apparently used to date Carter. Now, this woman calls Carter at the garage at least three times a day just to hang up on him.
4) Fat Joan—obese customer of Carter’s. Willie had to drive her to work one day when she dropped her car off at the garage because she had no other way to work. Willie was apparently very embarrassed to be seen driving around with Fat Joan. Carter says the car dropped 5 inches on the passenger side when Fat Joan got in. As Willie was dropping her off, she said to him, “When you get back to the garage, look in the trunk of my car. There is a surprise in there for you and Carter.” When he got back, they opened the trunk and there were nude photographs of Fat Joan herself. Willie says he almost threw up because “that was definitely something I didn’t need to see.”
5) Kenny—Carter despises him. Carter wants to “get him really good.” Carter wants Kenny to be the first person that I “politely pick-pocket.”
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