Sign of the Times

CARTER'S AUTOMOTIVE

Beth spoke with Mr. Carter again today. He says that Clint is scheduled to come in either tomorrow or Friday and he is going to get Clint's phone number for us...we may have resolution shortly...

NED IS FOUND

Craig has been found. He called me today at work. Apparently, he left his phone in someone's car on Sunday morning and didn't get it back until today. And didn't have anyone's phone numbers. That is fine. It is understandable. I have lost my phone before. But according to Vic, Craig's unreliability at times is not a new thing. He is going to play at the show on the 11th of March but is on probation in my mind. I need to ensure that this kind of thing will not frequently occur before I will truly be able to trust him. Nevertheless, Static 99 will rock you on the 11th!!!!!

NED THE WINO REVISITED

Well, I'm between a rock and a hard place right now. I was supposed to rehearse with Craig, the bass player, on Sunday afternoon since Vic, the drummer, was out of the country due to the fact that he is in the witness protection program since he is a PI and testifies frequently at murder trials. Craig and I had spoken briefly on Saturday afternoon and he informed me that he was very happy about the progress with the band and the way rehearsal had gone the previous Thursday. We set up rehearsal for that Sunday at my house so we could begin going over some of the new songs. Craig sounded in high spirits and while he was talking to me, he was at the gas station filling up his truck and buying a pack of smokes.

That was over three days ago and the last that anyone has heard from Craig...

He stood me up on Sunday for rehearsal. I have left him countless messages. At first, I was livid because I thought he was just blowing me off. Then, I thought, "well, maybe he lost his phone and doesn't have my number." So, I called and left that thinking that if he did lose his phone, he would at least be checking his messages from another one. Still, no word from Craig and there was supposed to be rehearsal tonight...

So, now I'm really beginning to worry. I'm thinking, "god, what if he's in a coma or the hospital or he got in a fight and got arrested..."

I call up Vic today because he was returning to the US this afternoon and he told me that he had also not heard from Craig. He said that from his experience of knowing Craig for several years, this was apparently not an uncommon thing. "If he wanted to be found, he would be," Vic said.

"Frankly," he continued, "he's an alcoholic. He's either dead or in jail."

I could not conceal my shock. "Darling," he said, "I'm not trying to be flip. But I've been around people like Craig all my life, and when they go missing, those are the two most likely places you'll find them. The morgue or the county jail..."

Well, that's JUST GREAT...

I don't know where he is. I have spent the last hour searching for obituaries (I did not find him listed) and the police blotter (which I could not find)...

We have a show on the 11th...and my bass player is MIA...

Excellent...

THE FINAL DAYS...

I believe we have now entered the final days...I believe we are on the right track and will have confirmation shortly...

Beth spoke to Mr. Carter this afternoon at Carter's Auto Shop. Apparently, their number changed and we have been calling the wrong number for the past couple of weeks. She didn't realize that until today.

Mr. Carter has now spoken to Clint and Clint is "extremely intrigued and enchanted" by this story. And is trying to remember where he met me. At this point, we don't know how well the story was relayed to Clint by his friend. He may not have mentioned the fact that I said I had met him when his car broke down. Clint is very "enchanted" by all of this, but he is also confused and nervous about calling me. Anyway, Mr. Carter told Beth to call him back tomorrow and he is going to try and get a number for Clint that I can call him at. Mr.Carter is convinced this is the right guy and is also convinced that Clint and I are going to get married. He would like to know if he can come to the wedding.

I will keep you posted. I know there are many people now invested in the outcome of this story. I think we are going to have this resolved in a matter of days. Perhaps, Clint will be at my show on Friday.

The Gypsy may return at any moment...

HOLY SHIT

After rehearsal, I apologized to Vic for flipping out so bad at Craig...he told me, "Honey, that's nothing...I once got so pissed off at someone at rehearsal that I fired a gun at the studio ceiling..."
WOW, I think he's even crazier than I am...

"SHOWIN' UP AT PRACTICE...SMELLIN' LIKE 'NED THE WINO'..."

So, for those of you who are wondering about my post from yesterday...about firing the bass player...well, here are the reasons...at the present moment, I am all fired up, but rest assured, I will not do anything rash...and I am going to keep him, at least through the show on the 11th of March because god knows it's hard to find a bass player in this town...and one that's willing to play only for free beer...

Anyway, Craig shows up yesterday 45 minutes late to rehearsal...and I really wish you could see this guy because there is just one word to describe EVERYTHING about him...SLOPPY!!!

From his clothes, to his hair, to his gear, to his language, to his person...he is just SLOPPY and DIRTY...

The bass seems like he has not put new strings on it in years...it needs desperately to be intonated...it is going out of tune after every song...he doesn't have a tuner...he makes me give him an "A" between songs so he can retune the bass...he chain smokes all through rehearsal...he doesn't listen...he doesn't listen to the CDs I give him...he plays way too loud and jumps around and carries on...

Which is all okay...okay...this is rock and roll...this is punk...this is badass... I know...

But, Christ, get it together, man...

So, he and I have been rehearsing "Didn't Mean a Thing" for the past two months...yeah, granted, this was only the third rehearsal with Vic, the drummer...but Craig has had the charts and the demo for this song for over two months...and he is still making mistakes and always in the same place...never correcting them...leading me to believe, "perhaps, he cannot even hear these mistakes"

So, we finish the song, and I spin around, turn to him and ask, "Can you hear what is coming out of my amp?"

And he's like, "Yeah."

And I'm like, "Then so why is what you are playing not matching what I am playing..."

So, I try to explain to him that he is messing up this one chord...but it is ALWAYS in the same place and it sounds bad...and he is just like, "Whatever. I think we need to work on dynamics because I am getting bored just playing this song over and over."

OK...that is my one pet peeve with music...if you don't have the fucking chords down yet, then the last thing we should be talking about is arrangement...get the song down and then we'll fix the rest...

So, I just go off and start yelling...and he is like, "Relax..."

"I AM FUCKING RELAXED!!!" I yell and I storm out of the room.

I go down the hall because I am about to lose it even more and start ripping stuff apart...I have been over this same part with him for two months and he just can't get it right...and it is not that he CAN'T...it is just that he is too sloppy to try to make it perfect...and that is what I demand...

So, he follows me out in the hall and is yelling about, "Don't you walk away from me!! That doesn't work on me!!"

So, we get into this yelling match...and he is just like, "Hit me...take your best shot...punch me right in the face...I can take it..."

So, I slam my fist into the wall next to him...and he's just like, "Look, I blow people off...that's what I do, don't take it personally..."

So, I go off on him again...and then at some point, I calm down and he's just like, "It's a good thing we're not drunk at a bar because I would make you kiss me..."

OK...Yeah, that'll be the day...

So, we go back to rehearsal and he does better, but he is still missing some of the parts...
At the end, he leaves and says, "We have to reschedule rehearsal on Sunday because of the Super Bowl...can you come in at 8am?"

And I am just like, "I am NOT fucking coming in here at 8am just so you can go home and get trashed and watch the superbowl..."

So, I guess we're just going to have to toss rehearsal away on Sunday...because afterall, it's only one Sunday and it is the Superbowl...but Jesus Christ...

Vic and Craig were in a band together back in the day...Vic and I are talking after rehearsal and he is telling me about how that's why they threw Craig out of their last band..."you know he comes in here smellin' just like 'Ned the Wino' thinking that he can play bass like that but it just makes him loud and sloppy..."

But Vic told me, "I didn't think it could get worse, but after we fired Craig the guy who replaced him...Holy Moly...he was a trip...heroin and coke addict, schizophrenic...and violent...so, it could be worse..."

And I know this...it is hard to find a bass player who will play for free and can actually play and who actually likes the music...so, I am going to have to give him another chance...if it means sitting down with him for a few hours alone apart from the band to work on parts and make sure he has everything down, that is what it has to be...and I mean, the guy is a good bass player...he just needs to not drink as much and practice a little more...

We've got this show on March 11th...we've got to get it together...but god, keep that free beer at the Kibitz away from him until after the show...

Gigi

Gigi used to date a guy who also had practice space in the building where we practice. There are many video cameras in the building because it is supposed to be very secure. Late one night, Gigi was spotted on one of the cameras staggering down the hall. As she approached the camera, she lit a crack pipe, took a hit, and began to stagger even more. The camera saw her swaying back and forth and then she just disappeared.

Gigi was missing for several days. No one knew where she was. Three days later, her dead body was discovered at the bottom of the cargo elevator shaft. Apparently, she had taken a fatal hit of crack and fell into the shaft, which is what the camera filmed when she disappeared from the frame.

I believe that the building is still haunted by the ghost of Gigi the crack whore. I heard strange noises there the other night. Do ghosts show up on film? I would like to try and videotape down there and see if we can "see" Gigi.

Speaking of which, when I went down a few weeks ago to have my ID photo take for my new job, they had to take my picture three times before it actually showed up on film. The guy kept scratching his head and saying, "Huh, that's funny. When I looked through the viewfinder, you were there, but nothing's showing up on film."

Perhaps, I really am becoming a vampire...

QUESTION OF THE DAY...

Should I fire my bass player for being a sloppy mess? To axe or not to axe...that is the question...

GYPSY HUNT

We are still on the gypsy hunt. Clint has not been into work yet this week, so we are still waiting to confirm whether or not this is our guy. I believe it is, as does Beth, Rachel, and Mr. Carter. We must find this gypsy by the end of the week because I am going crazy...
If this turns out to be a false lead (which I pray to god it is not), Vic is a private investigator and we may ask for his help in this matter...

ROCK!!!!

I auditioned a drummer on Sunday night, and he is amazing. And apparently, a pretty famous guy. He has played with both Melissa Ethridge and Alanis Morrissette, among others. Apparently, he thinks that I am "the next big thing" which is why he wants to be in the band. He claims to have a lot of connections (including his best friend who works for Rolling Stone). I don't know if this is all talk, but he seems legit. I met him through my bass player because they apparently go way back and were in a band together several years ago. This guy also has a practice studio in Whittier which we can have for only $40 a month each, which is unheard of out here and it is a lock-out studio, so we can go down there any time of the night to play. We have practice tonight and then probably three or four times a week from now on. Everybody seems very serious about this and Vic's goal is to have us playing at the House of Blues by this summer. There is also a guy in the studio next to us who has a recording studio set up there and Vic says we will probably be able to just record the demo there.
I already have a gig set up for us on March 11, in audition to my final solo gig on February 25th.
The band will most likely be called Static 99, though Number X is another possibility.
Anyway, I just wanted to update everyone, and hopefully, we'll have something recorded soon that you can all listen to.