Thursday, October 07, 2004
AMERICAN IDOL AUDITIONS 2004...
My fucking god...
What kind of hullabaloo was this? Most of the time spent there, they had us wrangled around by all kinds of people involved with the show...
so, we drove up to San Fran Sunday night. Got there about 2:30 am Monday morning. Where we joined the line that was already half a mile long. Nothing was even going to be happening until 6am, but there were people there all snuggled up in sleeping bags waiting in line. There were even a few tents set up (more than a few)...There are people here who have already auditioned in several other cities this season and are "sure this is the one..."
Now, as anyone who knows my voice knows...this was not a contest for me...nevertheless, we didn't have anything better to do and thought it would be funny to show up there and have me audition. So, we wait outside in the misty air...outside the Cow Palace, no less...
About 6am Monday morning, people in the line in front of us begin to rustle around and rouse from a deep coma-like sleep. At which point, we are slowly herded into the Cow Palace (yes, the irony). At one point, it becomes evident to everyone that we will all be receiving bracelets to audition the next day (making it unneccessary for anyone to have camped out for an entire 24 hours)...Edgar was in line a row behind us...fans of the show will remember him as the infamous man who sang "Can't Escape My Love" by Ricki Martin in season 2 while falling on his knees and convulsing...he also tried to get in to see the judges season 3 but was removed from the venue by security. Nevertheless, he was granted an audition in San Francisco like everyone else. He also had his picture taken by more than a few contestents and signed several autographs...
After standing in line 6 or 7 hours on Monday morning, we were finally allowed to enter the Cow Palace. All bags were searched. My Rock Star energy drink is confiscated by security as the woman informed me, "Miss, we don't allow caffeine in the buidling..." What, are we in fucking Salt Lake City??? Despite this, Pepsi Cola was readily available for purchase inside the arena...
IDs were checked and we were then given wrist bands and tickets for the next day, when the actual audtions would take place. We were told to arrive no later than 6am the next day...
Now, at this point, I have not eaten in 24 hours, nor have I slept that night...we grab food, some blankets (because it was dreadfully cold standing in line that night and I did not want to repeat that the following day), and locate a hotel where we can crash...the time is 1pm on Monday afternoon...We rouse ourselves about 10pm that evening, order some Domino's pizza, watch a dreadful thriller on TBS starring none other than MeatLoaf...I practice singing for about an hour...at which point it is 4am on Tuesday morning, so we head back over to the Cow Palace...
We are actually able to enter the building after standing in line for 2-3 minutes....we find out seats...my god this is a madhouse...people have, in fact, been camping out here all night...there are tents set up on the stadium floor...out in the halls, there are people practicing there acapella songs...singing vocalease...
cameras everywhere...
About 7am...the boom goes up...they start swinging the camera around the stadium...everytime it comes near you...you must stand up and cheer and/or scream...I can't help thinking to myself that is the most dreadful instruction you can give a singer right before an audition...do you want us to blow our vocal chords for the day?
The contract is then passed out to everyone...I am shocked to find that I am the only one that actually reads it...everyone else is madly signing their name...but read this...any original song I sing...becomes the sole contract of FOX...also, I discover that by signing this particular contract, one must waive their rights to section 1582. For those not familiar with this, section 1582 protects you against anything that is not written explicitly in the contract...but this contract informs the reader that you are signing a contract and you are agreeing to terms which may be unbeknowest to you at the time...essentially, this contract may change at any time without your consent...by signing this, you waive your rights to 1582...they can do anything to you that they damn well please...you have waived you rights to that protection...not only that, but you have waived your rights to talk about anything in relation to that...my god, why is no one reading this contract???
I sit there baffled for about 2 hours while I await my audition...Should I sign this...my god, I don't even want to be on this show...I only thought it would be funny to audition...finally, I figure, we've driven five hours to the audition, waited seven hours in the rain...I have to at least audition...
I sign the contract, head down to the floor for my audition...I am surrounded by people who "know" they are the next American Idol...they stood in those prayer circles up in the stands and they prayed to Jesus...they are going to win...
It become apparent at one point, that demographically, they are only allowing a certain "slice" of the population through at this particular audition...men...in particular white men who sing country...seriously about 98% of those who went through onto the next round fit this criteria...it is evident that the show knows the particular genre they are going to be promoting this year...at least trying to promote...that is not to say that women did not make it through...there was the girl covered in bananas...yes, bananas...you will see her in the auditions, don't worry...or the 350 pound woman who was swinging and swaying in front of the judges...but we all know that some of the people who make it to the final judges (Simon, Paula, and Randy) at the audtions are only there to be ridiculed...because it makes good TV (remember Keith from last year???)...and as the contract states you agree that "some of what may by filmed and broadcast may be derogatory, degrading, and/or humiliating leading to public ridicule, defamation, or condemnation..."
My question was: for what and by who were we being condemned...my familiarity with that word is only in the context of condemning one to hell...is that where we are being condemned to??? Just for auditioning for American Idol...my god...I thought it was just a stupid TV show...
Finally, I was up in front of the table...I sang 30 seconds of an original song...they motioned for me to approach the table...cut my wristband off and promptly ejected me from the building...I wasn't even able to use the restroom...
I walked out amongst the tears of those rejected around me...man, I didn't care...I had second thoughts after I read that contract...do I really want them to own me...what if I had actually made it to Hollywood...I wondered to myself before the audition if I would be able to turn that offer down...don't you need a lawyer before you sign the rights to everything you have away???
People were crying and bitching and complaining around me...I got in my car and drove away...
Did I want to be on American Idol...no...
Why did you audtion, then? I had nothing better to do and thought it would be funny...
I drove five hours home to continue putting my new band together...everyone else drove (or flew home) crushed...making plans for next season when they would audition for the show in several cities...
Man, I just wanted to fucking meet Simon Cowell...
My fucking god...
What kind of hullabaloo was this? Most of the time spent there, they had us wrangled around by all kinds of people involved with the show...
so, we drove up to San Fran Sunday night. Got there about 2:30 am Monday morning. Where we joined the line that was already half a mile long. Nothing was even going to be happening until 6am, but there were people there all snuggled up in sleeping bags waiting in line. There were even a few tents set up (more than a few)...There are people here who have already auditioned in several other cities this season and are "sure this is the one..."
Now, as anyone who knows my voice knows...this was not a contest for me...nevertheless, we didn't have anything better to do and thought it would be funny to show up there and have me audition. So, we wait outside in the misty air...outside the Cow Palace, no less...
About 6am Monday morning, people in the line in front of us begin to rustle around and rouse from a deep coma-like sleep. At which point, we are slowly herded into the Cow Palace (yes, the irony). At one point, it becomes evident to everyone that we will all be receiving bracelets to audition the next day (making it unneccessary for anyone to have camped out for an entire 24 hours)...Edgar was in line a row behind us...fans of the show will remember him as the infamous man who sang "Can't Escape My Love" by Ricki Martin in season 2 while falling on his knees and convulsing...he also tried to get in to see the judges season 3 but was removed from the venue by security. Nevertheless, he was granted an audition in San Francisco like everyone else. He also had his picture taken by more than a few contestents and signed several autographs...
After standing in line 6 or 7 hours on Monday morning, we were finally allowed to enter the Cow Palace. All bags were searched. My Rock Star energy drink is confiscated by security as the woman informed me, "Miss, we don't allow caffeine in the buidling..." What, are we in fucking Salt Lake City??? Despite this, Pepsi Cola was readily available for purchase inside the arena...
IDs were checked and we were then given wrist bands and tickets for the next day, when the actual audtions would take place. We were told to arrive no later than 6am the next day...
Now, at this point, I have not eaten in 24 hours, nor have I slept that night...we grab food, some blankets (because it was dreadfully cold standing in line that night and I did not want to repeat that the following day), and locate a hotel where we can crash...the time is 1pm on Monday afternoon...We rouse ourselves about 10pm that evening, order some Domino's pizza, watch a dreadful thriller on TBS starring none other than MeatLoaf...I practice singing for about an hour...at which point it is 4am on Tuesday morning, so we head back over to the Cow Palace...
We are actually able to enter the building after standing in line for 2-3 minutes....we find out seats...my god this is a madhouse...people have, in fact, been camping out here all night...there are tents set up on the stadium floor...out in the halls, there are people practicing there acapella songs...singing vocalease...
cameras everywhere...
About 7am...the boom goes up...they start swinging the camera around the stadium...everytime it comes near you...you must stand up and cheer and/or scream...I can't help thinking to myself that is the most dreadful instruction you can give a singer right before an audition...do you want us to blow our vocal chords for the day?
The contract is then passed out to everyone...I am shocked to find that I am the only one that actually reads it...everyone else is madly signing their name...but read this...any original song I sing...becomes the sole contract of FOX...also, I discover that by signing this particular contract, one must waive their rights to section 1582. For those not familiar with this, section 1582 protects you against anything that is not written explicitly in the contract...but this contract informs the reader that you are signing a contract and you are agreeing to terms which may be unbeknowest to you at the time...essentially, this contract may change at any time without your consent...by signing this, you waive your rights to 1582...they can do anything to you that they damn well please...you have waived you rights to that protection...not only that, but you have waived your rights to talk about anything in relation to that...my god, why is no one reading this contract???
I sit there baffled for about 2 hours while I await my audition...Should I sign this...my god, I don't even want to be on this show...I only thought it would be funny to audition...finally, I figure, we've driven five hours to the audition, waited seven hours in the rain...I have to at least audition...
I sign the contract, head down to the floor for my audition...I am surrounded by people who "know" they are the next American Idol...they stood in those prayer circles up in the stands and they prayed to Jesus...they are going to win...
It become apparent at one point, that demographically, they are only allowing a certain "slice" of the population through at this particular audition...men...in particular white men who sing country...seriously about 98% of those who went through onto the next round fit this criteria...it is evident that the show knows the particular genre they are going to be promoting this year...at least trying to promote...that is not to say that women did not make it through...there was the girl covered in bananas...yes, bananas...you will see her in the auditions, don't worry...or the 350 pound woman who was swinging and swaying in front of the judges...but we all know that some of the people who make it to the final judges (Simon, Paula, and Randy) at the audtions are only there to be ridiculed...because it makes good TV (remember Keith from last year???)...and as the contract states you agree that "some of what may by filmed and broadcast may be derogatory, degrading, and/or humiliating leading to public ridicule, defamation, or condemnation..."
My question was: for what and by who were we being condemned...my familiarity with that word is only in the context of condemning one to hell...is that where we are being condemned to??? Just for auditioning for American Idol...my god...I thought it was just a stupid TV show...
Finally, I was up in front of the table...I sang 30 seconds of an original song...they motioned for me to approach the table...cut my wristband off and promptly ejected me from the building...I wasn't even able to use the restroom...
I walked out amongst the tears of those rejected around me...man, I didn't care...I had second thoughts after I read that contract...do I really want them to own me...what if I had actually made it to Hollywood...I wondered to myself before the audition if I would be able to turn that offer down...don't you need a lawyer before you sign the rights to everything you have away???
People were crying and bitching and complaining around me...I got in my car and drove away...
Did I want to be on American Idol...no...
Why did you audtion, then? I had nothing better to do and thought it would be funny...
I drove five hours home to continue putting my new band together...everyone else drove (or flew home) crushed...making plans for next season when they would audition for the show in several cities...
Man, I just wanted to fucking meet Simon Cowell...
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