Friday, May 07, 2004
This is going to be a long post, for I am going to recount for you the tale of my flight to Tampa today (I was logging the whole way there...)
2:10 est
Airtran Airways Terminal-Logan Intl Airport
The girl wearing the Van Dutch T-shirt needs to stop staring at me. Doesn't she realize that I am a pirate and could strike fear into her heart?
2:15pm
It appears that Coolio will be flying to Atlanta with us today. Jesus Christ, Salmund Rushdie is also here...
2:25pm
I've always wondered...why do people in the aisle seats immediately sit down and buckle their seat belts when the middle and window seats are not yet filled? Inevitably, they will have to get up and let people through...when they're asked to a few minutes later, they sigh and look annoyed...But really, what did they expect? To have a whole row to themselves?
2:35pm
Salmund was sitting in first class when I first boarded the plane. But he has been asked to move back to seat 28E across the aisle from me. Either they've caught on to who he is or he was trying to "pull an Elaine" and sneak into first class with Jerry.
2:40pm
The women diagonal from me are fighting over the Sky Mall catalog from the seat back. They practically ripped it in half. Ladies, settle down...I've got a spare one over here that I'm not using...no need to fight dirty...
2:50pm
The plane was supposed to leave 10 minutes ago, but we are, of course, grounded here in Boston. Air traffic control has apparently all fights on the east coast grounded due to bad weather, though it is sunny and clear here in Boston. It figures. Have I ever been on an Air Tran flight that has left on time? But at least they have not asked us to de-plane yet like the last time I flew Air Tran Airways. I should be quiet now, though...lest I jinx myself...
2:55pm
The women diagonal from me have stopped fighting over the Air Mall catalog and are now getting ready to play a game of Yatzee! One of them looks kind of drunk. But then, you probably would have to be a little drunk to be busting that game out...
2:56pm
Yes!!! The pilot just got on the intercom to update us "on our progress, or rather...lack thereof..."
Apparently, it will probably be another hour before we leave. Though he would like to remind everyone not to leave the aircraft. Now...how exactly would anyone do that with the flight deck door closed and locked? As fas as I know, the windows don't open. How would anyone get out anyway...unless, of course, someone tries to bust open the emergency door...
3:25pm
One hour after boarding this god-forsaken plane, we are still idling here. No one seems to have any clear idea as to what is going on. At least that is what the flight attendent just told Salmund when he rang the overhead bell to ask.
3:30pm
It just ocurred to me...it's sunny and clear and we've been grounded here for the past hour due to inclement weather. Strange. If something really horrible had just happened in the world, grounding all international and domestic flights, would they tell us? Or would they keep us here thinking something else until they knew what to do?
3:35pm
An odd scent just wafted past when a man took his bag out of the overhead compartment. I have been trying to place it for the past fifteen minutes. I suppose I could be mistaken, but I think it smells like rodents...
3:40pm
Still, an as of yet undertermined delay. They don't expect to "even begin to know anything until at least the top of the hour," at which point, we will have been sitting here on this plane (which now does, indeed, smell like rodents) for almost two hours...
3:50pm
Good news from the flight deck. We've finally been released...Now just pray they let us land in Atlanta...I have been on a plane (Air Tran Airways, no less) that circled that airport for almost two hours due to high-speed winds...
4:20pm
We have taxi-ed out to the fucking run-way and have now been informed that we will be sitting here until "at least 37 past the hour." This just keeps getting better and better...
4:40pm
Goddamn...
Well, we are finally in the air...only two and a half hours after boarding what is quickly becoming the flight to hell. Whey the fuck does it smell like paint thinner?
6:00pm
There was a man just standing in the aisle hovering over me. For several minutes. I finally looked up to realize that it was Salmund.
6:15pm
The guy in front of me is reading the "Complete Guide to Juicing"
6:30pm
The woman diagonal from me (the one who was playing Yatzee! earlier) just got out a big wooden mallard duck and now that we have experienced a little turbulance, is frantically stroking it for good luck
6:38pm
Why does it smell like lighter fluid? I am glad that we will be de-planing shortly. That smell is starting to worry me...
8:20pm
Hartfield-Jackson Intl Airport-Atlanta, GA
Laid over in Atlanta. Haven't eaten anything all day except for the inadequately small bag of pretzels served on the first flight. What the hell is a vegetarian supposed to find to eat at an airport, anyway??
Went outside for some fresh air since my layover was so long. Coming back through security, I removed all of my metal (and weapons) as well as my steel-toe boots. The man at security pointed to the boots and exclaimed, "No way!! These yours??" I said yes. He looked at them closely, then back at me. "You in the military, or something?" "No," I replied. "Well, hot damn," he said, "Now, I've seen it all. Pretty girl wearin' combat boots."
Mister, you haven't seen anything yet...wait until I reveal the fact that I am a pirate!!!! YYYAAAARRRR!!!!
8:29pm
I'm sitting at my gate trying to figure out why the hell the flight they are boarding is going to La Guardia. All confused. Then, I realize, oh yeah, this is Air Tran, and they spontaneously just change things for no specified reason without telling anyone. Now, I am sitting at the gate of what appears to be our flight, though you never can tell. You don't really know with Air Tran until you're actually sitting on the plane and even then, it seems to be all up in the air. In fact, while we were sitting at the gate on the last plane, they came on and removed several people who were apparently on the wrong plane. How they managed to get through the gate, I'll never know, but this sure is one big circus Air Tran is running here...
8:37pm
There is a big fucking crowd of people milling around near the gate, including what appears to be an entire college football team, dressed in full uniform. Not only is this plane obviously not leaving on time either (since it is supposed to take-off in 10 minutes and no one has boarded yet), but there are way too many people standing here to fit on it. Leave it to goddamn Air Tran to make a mess of everything. I have to pee, but now I'm afraid that if I leave the gate area, I am liable to lose my seat...
8:41pm
Does anyone around here have any idea what is going on? Please, just don't let one of these football players have the seat next to me...
8:46pm
Mary, mother of god...what's going on here??
There has officially been, yet another gate change. So, everyone goes charging down to the other end of the terminal where a woman is screaming into the intercom, "Get away from the gate! For the love of god, get away from the gate!! You must let these passengers de-plane!! You, in the red uniforms!!" [she is referring to the football team which is at this point, en masse, attempting to storm the gate]. "You, in the red!! Get away from the gate!!"
8:59pm
I have now surrendered my seat for this flight (which is, apparently overbooked)...the next plane leaves in just an hour, anyway, and I will get a free round-trip ticket out of this. And at least, I don't run the risk of potentially have to sit next to one of those rowdy football players...
9:02pm
Well, after all this rigmoral...they don't need my seat afterall...so, I'm boarding now. What the fuck is going on around here??
10:45pm
Just landed in Tampa...holy fucking shit!!
I couldn't log this whole leg of the journey. Because, of course, lucky me...I was seated next to one of the football players (who I found out were in high school, not college...). This one spent his time either talking to me about my tattoos or leaning over me (when I finally pulled out my copy of "Culture Jam" so that I could just read and ignore him) to talk to the girls across the aisle (who told him that they were, in fact, strippers from Vegas...though I overheard them talking amongst themselves that they were actually all in high school and going to visit someone's dad)...
When this football player lifted the armrest between us, I thought, "Houston, we have a problem..." Even moreso, when he said, "Baby, you got a boyfriend?" while trying to touch my leg. Now, do I look like the kind of girl who would date someone from the football team...let alone, someone in high school???
Thank god, this flight is over...
2:10 est
Airtran Airways Terminal-Logan Intl Airport
The girl wearing the Van Dutch T-shirt needs to stop staring at me. Doesn't she realize that I am a pirate and could strike fear into her heart?
2:15pm
It appears that Coolio will be flying to Atlanta with us today. Jesus Christ, Salmund Rushdie is also here...
2:25pm
I've always wondered...why do people in the aisle seats immediately sit down and buckle their seat belts when the middle and window seats are not yet filled? Inevitably, they will have to get up and let people through...when they're asked to a few minutes later, they sigh and look annoyed...But really, what did they expect? To have a whole row to themselves?
2:35pm
Salmund was sitting in first class when I first boarded the plane. But he has been asked to move back to seat 28E across the aisle from me. Either they've caught on to who he is or he was trying to "pull an Elaine" and sneak into first class with Jerry.
2:40pm
The women diagonal from me are fighting over the Sky Mall catalog from the seat back. They practically ripped it in half. Ladies, settle down...I've got a spare one over here that I'm not using...no need to fight dirty...
2:50pm
The plane was supposed to leave 10 minutes ago, but we are, of course, grounded here in Boston. Air traffic control has apparently all fights on the east coast grounded due to bad weather, though it is sunny and clear here in Boston. It figures. Have I ever been on an Air Tran flight that has left on time? But at least they have not asked us to de-plane yet like the last time I flew Air Tran Airways. I should be quiet now, though...lest I jinx myself...
2:55pm
The women diagonal from me have stopped fighting over the Air Mall catalog and are now getting ready to play a game of Yatzee! One of them looks kind of drunk. But then, you probably would have to be a little drunk to be busting that game out...
2:56pm
Yes!!! The pilot just got on the intercom to update us "on our progress, or rather...lack thereof..."
Apparently, it will probably be another hour before we leave. Though he would like to remind everyone not to leave the aircraft. Now...how exactly would anyone do that with the flight deck door closed and locked? As fas as I know, the windows don't open. How would anyone get out anyway...unless, of course, someone tries to bust open the emergency door...
3:25pm
One hour after boarding this god-forsaken plane, we are still idling here. No one seems to have any clear idea as to what is going on. At least that is what the flight attendent just told Salmund when he rang the overhead bell to ask.
3:30pm
It just ocurred to me...it's sunny and clear and we've been grounded here for the past hour due to inclement weather. Strange. If something really horrible had just happened in the world, grounding all international and domestic flights, would they tell us? Or would they keep us here thinking something else until they knew what to do?
3:35pm
An odd scent just wafted past when a man took his bag out of the overhead compartment. I have been trying to place it for the past fifteen minutes. I suppose I could be mistaken, but I think it smells like rodents...
3:40pm
Still, an as of yet undertermined delay. They don't expect to "even begin to know anything until at least the top of the hour," at which point, we will have been sitting here on this plane (which now does, indeed, smell like rodents) for almost two hours...
3:50pm
Good news from the flight deck. We've finally been released...Now just pray they let us land in Atlanta...I have been on a plane (Air Tran Airways, no less) that circled that airport for almost two hours due to high-speed winds...
4:20pm
We have taxi-ed out to the fucking run-way and have now been informed that we will be sitting here until "at least 37 past the hour." This just keeps getting better and better...
4:40pm
Goddamn...
Well, we are finally in the air...only two and a half hours after boarding what is quickly becoming the flight to hell. Whey the fuck does it smell like paint thinner?
6:00pm
There was a man just standing in the aisle hovering over me. For several minutes. I finally looked up to realize that it was Salmund.
6:15pm
The guy in front of me is reading the "Complete Guide to Juicing"
6:30pm
The woman diagonal from me (the one who was playing Yatzee! earlier) just got out a big wooden mallard duck and now that we have experienced a little turbulance, is frantically stroking it for good luck
6:38pm
Why does it smell like lighter fluid? I am glad that we will be de-planing shortly. That smell is starting to worry me...
8:20pm
Hartfield-Jackson Intl Airport-Atlanta, GA
Laid over in Atlanta. Haven't eaten anything all day except for the inadequately small bag of pretzels served on the first flight. What the hell is a vegetarian supposed to find to eat at an airport, anyway??
Went outside for some fresh air since my layover was so long. Coming back through security, I removed all of my metal (and weapons) as well as my steel-toe boots. The man at security pointed to the boots and exclaimed, "No way!! These yours??" I said yes. He looked at them closely, then back at me. "You in the military, or something?" "No," I replied. "Well, hot damn," he said, "Now, I've seen it all. Pretty girl wearin' combat boots."
Mister, you haven't seen anything yet...wait until I reveal the fact that I am a pirate!!!! YYYAAAARRRR!!!!
8:29pm
I'm sitting at my gate trying to figure out why the hell the flight they are boarding is going to La Guardia. All confused. Then, I realize, oh yeah, this is Air Tran, and they spontaneously just change things for no specified reason without telling anyone. Now, I am sitting at the gate of what appears to be our flight, though you never can tell. You don't really know with Air Tran until you're actually sitting on the plane and even then, it seems to be all up in the air. In fact, while we were sitting at the gate on the last plane, they came on and removed several people who were apparently on the wrong plane. How they managed to get through the gate, I'll never know, but this sure is one big circus Air Tran is running here...
8:37pm
There is a big fucking crowd of people milling around near the gate, including what appears to be an entire college football team, dressed in full uniform. Not only is this plane obviously not leaving on time either (since it is supposed to take-off in 10 minutes and no one has boarded yet), but there are way too many people standing here to fit on it. Leave it to goddamn Air Tran to make a mess of everything. I have to pee, but now I'm afraid that if I leave the gate area, I am liable to lose my seat...
8:41pm
Does anyone around here have any idea what is going on? Please, just don't let one of these football players have the seat next to me...
8:46pm
Mary, mother of god...what's going on here??
There has officially been, yet another gate change. So, everyone goes charging down to the other end of the terminal where a woman is screaming into the intercom, "Get away from the gate! For the love of god, get away from the gate!! You must let these passengers de-plane!! You, in the red uniforms!!" [she is referring to the football team which is at this point, en masse, attempting to storm the gate]. "You, in the red!! Get away from the gate!!"
8:59pm
I have now surrendered my seat for this flight (which is, apparently overbooked)...the next plane leaves in just an hour, anyway, and I will get a free round-trip ticket out of this. And at least, I don't run the risk of potentially have to sit next to one of those rowdy football players...
9:02pm
Well, after all this rigmoral...they don't need my seat afterall...so, I'm boarding now. What the fuck is going on around here??
10:45pm
Just landed in Tampa...holy fucking shit!!
I couldn't log this whole leg of the journey. Because, of course, lucky me...I was seated next to one of the football players (who I found out were in high school, not college...). This one spent his time either talking to me about my tattoos or leaning over me (when I finally pulled out my copy of "Culture Jam" so that I could just read and ignore him) to talk to the girls across the aisle (who told him that they were, in fact, strippers from Vegas...though I overheard them talking amongst themselves that they were actually all in high school and going to visit someone's dad)...
When this football player lifted the armrest between us, I thought, "Houston, we have a problem..." Even moreso, when he said, "Baby, you got a boyfriend?" while trying to touch my leg. Now, do I look like the kind of girl who would date someone from the football team...let alone, someone in high school???
Thank god, this flight is over...
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