Sunday, May 30, 2004
The List has been found!!!
Here are some choice entries from it, referring to those many undateable men in this, sometimes, unforgiving world...
Yes, ladies, these are all actual real experiences of real American women...
Those we cannot date:
207) Guys whose best pick-up line is: "You look like you don't know whether to laugh, puke, or cry."
268) Guys who, in order to try and impress you, say that they've seen Freddy Krueger, demonic raccoons with glowing red eyes, UFOs, annd a psychotic man in a construction hat standing by a mailbox in your home town
303) Guys who invite you to a party where there are two cars parked outside and they tell you that there are twelve people inside a completely dark apartment
347) Guys who tell you that they once saw a dead dog lying by the side of the road and that they stopped the car to beat it with a baseball bat
386) Guys who, when you honk your horn at them, do a U-turn in the middle of a busy street and start chasing you while hanging out the window and yelling, "I want you, You, YOU!!!!"
875) Guys who see a man repairing a roof and inform you that they could "take him out" in five shots or less with the gun that they are for some reason carrying
881) Guys who have a tattoo to match their "NO FEAR" hat
885) Guys who throw bikes off the balcony and hit a car which is driving by and deny it when they realize that their actions are the sole reason why the party they were attending was shut down by the police
1212) Guys who try to impress you with the fact that they have worked at Wal-Mart for 7 years and just got off the midnight shift
1242) Guys who drink so much Rolling Rock while performing in concert that they can no longer play their bass and have to get the roadie to come on stage and play for them
1420) Guys who give you something that means a great deal to them on the first night that you meet them and tell you, "Now, you're my lucky charm." (what am I, a leprachan?)
1686) Guys who have to brag about their package to reassure you that they could give you the greatest sex you could imagine
1726) Guys who assert that they know God is a man "because he made the beer hat"
1852) Guys who come up to you and say, "Hey, I have clymydia. Wanna have sex?"
1919) Guys who say, "Girls are only good for two things...sex...and well actually, I guess girls are only good for one thing."
1951) Guys who end a four hour conversation with you by saying, "Oh, yeah...and I'm not circumsized."
1952) Guys who tell you that the pain they feel in their nipples is a "magic pain"
2048) Convenience store workers who tell you that you are their "favorite customer" and then proceed to ask you for your phone number
2050) Guys who when they leave the table at dinner while you are on a date to go to the restroom, call you and leave a message on your answering machine telling you that they called you when they left the table
2132) Guys who after you casually and meaninglessly say, "stop by sometime," proceed to do so every weekend to confide their life troubles to you
2202) Guys who come to your apartment on Sunday morning and want the beer back they left there Friday night and when you tell them that you don't have it anymore, ask you for your email address so "we can get this all straightened out"
2214) Guys in Paris who stick sausages down the front of their pants and then come up to you and say, "I bet you're staring at my big dick."
2221) Guys who truly believe that the KKK is just a group of "good Christian white boys"
2412) Guys who come up to you at a party and ask you if you like Marvin Gaye. When you reply, "Well, I like the California Raisins," they repeatedly ask you to dance because "it won't mean anything"
2442) Guys who, while they're dancing, spank their asses and when they see that you're looking, spank both cheeks even harder
2463) Guys who are selling their guitars and equipment because they've committed a serious federal crime and are now wanted for questioning by the FBI and need the extra money so they can leave the country
--Guys who tell you that they were once at a party at your house where there was a guy working the door wearing a cowboy hat who was a big dick (that's my brother, you jack ass)
--Guys who wear a T-shirt that says "It's not a beer belly...it's a fuel tank for a sex machine"
--Guys who tell you that they believe a woman's sole purpose is to be "a living, breathing hole for a male bigot's erection"
Here are some choice entries from it, referring to those many undateable men in this, sometimes, unforgiving world...
Yes, ladies, these are all actual real experiences of real American women...
Those we cannot date:
207) Guys whose best pick-up line is: "You look like you don't know whether to laugh, puke, or cry."
268) Guys who, in order to try and impress you, say that they've seen Freddy Krueger, demonic raccoons with glowing red eyes, UFOs, annd a psychotic man in a construction hat standing by a mailbox in your home town
303) Guys who invite you to a party where there are two cars parked outside and they tell you that there are twelve people inside a completely dark apartment
347) Guys who tell you that they once saw a dead dog lying by the side of the road and that they stopped the car to beat it with a baseball bat
386) Guys who, when you honk your horn at them, do a U-turn in the middle of a busy street and start chasing you while hanging out the window and yelling, "I want you, You, YOU!!!!"
875) Guys who see a man repairing a roof and inform you that they could "take him out" in five shots or less with the gun that they are for some reason carrying
881) Guys who have a tattoo to match their "NO FEAR" hat
885) Guys who throw bikes off the balcony and hit a car which is driving by and deny it when they realize that their actions are the sole reason why the party they were attending was shut down by the police
1212) Guys who try to impress you with the fact that they have worked at Wal-Mart for 7 years and just got off the midnight shift
1242) Guys who drink so much Rolling Rock while performing in concert that they can no longer play their bass and have to get the roadie to come on stage and play for them
1420) Guys who give you something that means a great deal to them on the first night that you meet them and tell you, "Now, you're my lucky charm." (what am I, a leprachan?)
1686) Guys who have to brag about their package to reassure you that they could give you the greatest sex you could imagine
1726) Guys who assert that they know God is a man "because he made the beer hat"
1852) Guys who come up to you and say, "Hey, I have clymydia. Wanna have sex?"
1919) Guys who say, "Girls are only good for two things...sex...and well actually, I guess girls are only good for one thing."
1951) Guys who end a four hour conversation with you by saying, "Oh, yeah...and I'm not circumsized."
1952) Guys who tell you that the pain they feel in their nipples is a "magic pain"
2048) Convenience store workers who tell you that you are their "favorite customer" and then proceed to ask you for your phone number
2050) Guys who when they leave the table at dinner while you are on a date to go to the restroom, call you and leave a message on your answering machine telling you that they called you when they left the table
2132) Guys who after you casually and meaninglessly say, "stop by sometime," proceed to do so every weekend to confide their life troubles to you
2202) Guys who come to your apartment on Sunday morning and want the beer back they left there Friday night and when you tell them that you don't have it anymore, ask you for your email address so "we can get this all straightened out"
2214) Guys in Paris who stick sausages down the front of their pants and then come up to you and say, "I bet you're staring at my big dick."
2221) Guys who truly believe that the KKK is just a group of "good Christian white boys"
2412) Guys who come up to you at a party and ask you if you like Marvin Gaye. When you reply, "Well, I like the California Raisins," they repeatedly ask you to dance because "it won't mean anything"
2442) Guys who, while they're dancing, spank their asses and when they see that you're looking, spank both cheeks even harder
2463) Guys who are selling their guitars and equipment because they've committed a serious federal crime and are now wanted for questioning by the FBI and need the extra money so they can leave the country
--Guys who tell you that they were once at a party at your house where there was a guy working the door wearing a cowboy hat who was a big dick (that's my brother, you jack ass)
--Guys who wear a T-shirt that says "It's not a beer belly...it's a fuel tank for a sex machine"
--Guys who tell you that they believe a woman's sole purpose is to be "a living, breathing hole for a male bigot's erection"
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