Sign of the Times

2009-08-24T00:08:00.000-07:00

Nearly 5 years have passed since I met Clint on that street corner. I do believe that maybe someday we will meet again. But now I know that the most important things that came out of all of this was meeting Mr. Carter and writing all of these songs. Every artist needs a muse, and Clint was mine for that time. But I have other things in my life and other muses now. I am grateful for those 5 minutes when Clint came into my life and for all that this inspired. We can never really know where or why inspiration comes from, but every artist knows that when it comes, we don't take that lightly. Ultimately, where inspiration comes from, doesn't really matter...only that it comes.

Find Peace.

2007-11-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

Today is the 3 year anniversary. Mike is in jail. George is sure to be deported soon and no one has seen Clint in months.

Find Peace.

2007-08-09T17:06:00.000-07:00

2 YEARS, 8 MONTHS, 4 DAYS

There is still a hope in my heart that some day we will know the end of this story. Periodically, George or Mike show up down at Carter's. Mike is so drugged out of his mind, he doesn't even remember meeting me from one visit to the next and reintroduces himself to me each time. Clearly, one can see that any hope of contacting Clint through Mike is fruitless. Life has passed on and things have changed. I am a different person than I was almost 3 years ago when I met Clint on that busy street corner one fateful night.

I realize now that things sometimes happen for reasons that we don't quite understand. I wrote 67 songs about the experience, some of which we are in the process of trying to sell; one of which is about to end up on Neptune's Favor's EP and be shopped to radio stations and labels all over the country. Perhaps this alone was the reason for our meeting?

And then there is the story of Carter. If it were not for Clint, we would have never been led to Carter in the first place. And how might our lives be different now? And still, there is always the possibility that the Clint that Carter claimed to know was never the one I actually met. Afterall, he has never produced a picture and we relied on his description and his faith alone.

The real question is: does any of this really matter? Clearly, we were not meant to know Clint when I first crossed his path those many days ago. From the very beginning, psychics have told me that it could be close to 4 years before our paths would ever cross again. This baffled everyone at the time of the prediciton. Afterall, we had Carter. It was only a matter of time before Clint showed back up a the shop. But here 2 years and 8 months later, that has not been the case. In fact, some have said that when we did meet again, it would not even be a the shop.

I do believe that we are meant to have an ending to this story someday. And maybe that is a few more years from now. When I do see him, I will simply thank him for the songs. Life moved on without and apart from him drastically, but still, that will never change the fact that he inspired all of those beautiful melodies and words.

And so his memory passes away into the back of our hearts and our minds...always somewhere there in the midst of everything, but no longer the forefront our our thoughts...

Until we know the way the story ends...

Find Peace.

Debbie

2006-04-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

CLINT UPDATE

I'm sorry that it's been so long since I have posted a message on here. I guess maybe that was because there wasn't very much activity in the clint search and I didn't really have anything to report.
However, I feel that it is time for an update so I will let you all know what is going on.
The day after my last post, on March 17th, George returned to the shop and so the second letter was given to him. At that point, there were then two letters circulating...the one given to Mike and the one given to George. And yet, still, there was no word from anyone. The following week, George returned to the shop to talk to Carter about a car deal that was going on in South America and he informed Carter that he would be out of the country for a period of time. He also told him that he was going to give Clint's letter to Mike because he prefers that Mike handle "those types of things." So, at that point, there were two letters in Mike's hands.
Another week passed and there was still no word from anyone. No one called me and Carter had not seen or heard from any of the boys.
On my birthday (since Mercury had stationed direct the day before making communication flow more easily), we drove to Sherman Oaks and I had my tarot read.
The woman there knew much about the story that I did not tell her and for this reason, I knew that she was a highly skilled psychic. She informed me that the first letter had made it to Clint but that Clint was in some type of situation where he was unable to call. She told me that he was flattered by my letter and the gesture, but that it was not his top priority at that moment...she also said that he was in a position where a lot of people were watching him and even if he wanted to call right now, he couldn't...she did say that she saw an opportunity opening up for him near the end of June...she told me that she saw that undoubtedly Clint and I would meet again...there was just going to be a little bit more of a wait...which is essentially what all of the readers up until this point have told me.
She suggested to me that there were other means of contacting Clint...one of these being astral travel...she believed I might be able to contact him on the astral plane and learn things from him there about his situation. She told me that I had good intuition and that sometimes I have these "gut feelings"...she believes I should follow those inclinations...to go certain places or do certain things because they may just be leading me back to him...she also told me that it is likely that we have passed on the street since our initial meeting but I didn't realize it was him because I was so absorbed in my own world...

So, all of this gave me some hope. It is good to know that he received the letter. It is also good to know that he was flattered by it. And it is good to know that we will meet again...even if it is some from now...

Carter and I wonder if Clint is on house arrest right now until June or something...and maybe that is what the psychic reader saw that would prevent him from responding to the letter until June...whatever it is, something should happen to open up an opportunity up for him then.

Wednesday afternoon there was a police chase in Van Nuys...cop cars all over the place and choppers flying overhead...Carter turned to me and and we both said at the same time..."i hope that's not for Clint and the boys..."
But I saw the news later that night...and it turned out it wasn't...

And so we continue to wait...Carter and I have surrendered our hope over to the universe...we have hope that he will return, but we can't keep thinking every day that it could be the day...we go about our business...and one day out of the blue, the phone will ring and it will be him...or we'll be sitting at the shop and up he will walk...or one day I will be walking down the street and we will pass each other and we will stop because we will recognize each other from a different street a year and a half before...
The psychic told me that life is magikal...and I need to let it be...and that there will be a magik to our second meeting...
Find Clint. Find Peace.

Updates will follow...

2006-03-16T14:43:00.000-08:00

ONE YEAR...

Today is March 16, 2006. One year ago today, Beth and Trish drove me to the shop and I met Mr. Carter for the first time. I had previously talked to him on the phone, but up until that point, he had never met me. As I walked up the driveway to the shop, he was pulling out onto Sepulveda. He stopped the car and rolled down the window...and said, "I bet I know who this is...Debbie..."
And that is how it all began...
Tomorrow is March 17, 2006. One year ago on that day, Mr. Carter said to Beth, "Listen, I told Clint that there are a bunch of pretty girls looking for him and he doesn't believe me. Clint said, 'yeah right...show me a picture of these girls...i won't believe it until i see it.' So, what you need to do is get a picture of Debbie and bring it down here to the shop. That way I can give it to Clint when he is here tomorrow afternoon. He said he would be going out of town for a little while so make sure to get that picture down here tomorrow so I can give it to him before he leaves."

So, I came home and she told me all of this and we decided that I would write him a letter and put it in the envelope with the picture. Little did I know at the time, that was the first of many letters I would write to Clint. Also, little did we know that was the last day that Mr. Carter would see Clint for a long time. Because Clint didn't come back to the shop that next day...

Saturday is March 18, 2006. One year ago on that day, Beth took my letter to the shop. And left it there for Clint. It is still sitting there...

Hopefully, someday he will be able to read it...

There is also a second letter out somewhere in the world, trusted into the hands of Mike, supposedly Clint's friend...that letter has been out travelling in the world now for two weeks. Carter has not heard from or seen Mike since he gave him the letter that morning...
There is a third letter also waiting at the shop to give to George, Clint's other friend, should he at some point wander down to the shop...

A tarot card reader told me the night before Mike got the letter that, in fact, someone would get the letter the following day (which did happen) and that we had three chances to get the letter to Clint...I assume that is the three letters...

Hopefully, there will be some movement soon...Mr. Carter told me that it is best to not think about it...because he believes that is when things begin to move more in the universe...so, he and I have decided not to think about it...and just maybe something will finally happen then...

One letter is on it's way...two are waiting for the right people to pick them up...

Updates will follow...

2006-03-16T14:37:00.000-08:00

SONGS 66 and 67...

TIDAL WAVE

Love…love is a tidal wave…

Woke up tonight
From a dream outside of time
I get this sinking feeling
That I’m about to dive…

Fall from the sky
Dark clouds above the lightening
Blinding flash as a plummet
Pierce my heart
Pierce my eyes

Give me something I can hold onto
Give me something soft I can fall through
Give me something I can reach out to…
You…

*Chorus*
Pull me from the sea
Breathe life into me
Your breath is a tidal wave
Come, wash over me
Wash my heart clean
Your kiss is a tidal wave

Woke up today
In a room I’d never seen before
Don’t know how I got here
And I can’t remember why

Wander out of the house
Down to the shore
I see you kneeling by the seaside
Waiting for me to arrive

If I put one foot in the water
Will you show me how we both got here?
Will you show me what will come after
We die…???

*Chorus*
Pull me from the sea
Breathe life into me
Your breath is a tidal wave
Come, wash over me
Wash my heart clean
Your kiss is a tidal wave

I know…I know…the only way to go…
Let go…Let go…
Get carried away…

I know…you know…we know…
When…to let go…
Cause love is a tidal wave…

Love…love is a tidal wave…

_________________________________________________

SHE'S FOR REAL

You wonder what she wants with you
What could a girl like that see in you?

In all of the places you have gone…for pleasure
You never have stopped somewhere long enough to measure
What you’re worth…

She is the kind of girl all the guys watch
But you are the only guy she really wants

In all of the places you have dreamed or imagined
This was never in the cards or even mentioned

*Chorus*
You think it’s too good to be true
Cause you’ve seen deal after deal fall through
Down on yourself and your luck
But don’t give up…
Cause she’s for real

You wander from town to town always lost
But life on the road has such a high cost

You never have met someone who thought that you were special
Someone who looked into your eyes and saw the depth there

*Chorus*
You think it’s too good to be true
Cause you’ve seen deal after deal fall through
Down on yourself and your luck
But don’t give up…
Cause she’s for real

Take your fears and hold them down
Or you will never see the fortune you’ve found
Take your doubts and cast them to the wind
You’ll never know until you let that light in
Just what you’re worth…
Just what you’re worth…

What could she possibly want that’s yours?
She is like sunshine after a storm

In all of the places you have gone in any direction
You never have stopped long enough to make the connection

*Chorus*
You think it’s too good to be true
Cause you’ve seen deal after deal fall through
Down on yourself and your luck
But don’t give up…
Cause she’s for real

2006-03-09T16:34:00.000-08:00

STILL NO NEWS...

i have bordered between hope and despair all week...
there has been no word down at the garage...one of mike's friends who used to be married to the black widow was at the shop earlier in the week to have some repairs done on his car, but he apparently met mike in jail and doesn't really know any of mike's other friends...
neither mike nor george have called or stopped by the shop all week...

george still needs to come to the shop at some point in the next week or so because Carter has the papers at the shop for him regarding the latest lien. these papers are available for george to pick up after the 14th when the lien finally goes through and carter takes possession of the car and signs it over to george...i have advised carter that once all of this happens, he should give the second letter (i left an identical letter to the one given to mike at the shop for george) to george when he passes off the papers...this way, there are multiple ways for the message to get to clint...the woman who read my tarot last week told me that we had three tries to get the message to him...I am assuming that the first one is the original letter i left at the shop, the second way is through mike, and the third way is through george...
hopefully, if we have not yet heard from clint by next week, george will bear the second letter...

updates will follow...

2006-03-09T16:30:00.000-08:00

Song 65...

ASK ME (ANYTHING)

My heart is held at ransom
All others held at bay
Wherever you should wander
My heart will go that
Way…I will…
Go your way…I will…

Forever I am captured
Forever I am caught
Wherever you should linger
Whatever rooms you
Haunt…whatever…
Rooms you haunt…whatever…

**Chorus**
Ask me, ask me…
I would do anything
Ask me, ask me…
Ask me, ask me…
I would do anything
You want…
No matter what it costs…
Just ask me, ask me
I would do anything…

My mind is set on repeat
One scene constantly plays
My hands are bound behind me
My feet are wrapped in
Chains…I am…
Wrapped in chains…I am…

**Chorus**
Ask me, ask me…
I would do anything
Ask me, ask me…
Ask me, ask me…
I would do anything
You want…
No matter what it costs…
Just ask me, ask me
I would do anything…

I’ve come to the point
Where I’d give anything
For some relief…
I drive myself mad
And I’d give anything
To get some sleep…

The days pass by slowly
One by one…no change
I lock myself in my room
Just trying to stay
Sane…I am…
Trying to stay sane…I am…

**Chorus**
Ask me, ask me…
I would do anything
Ask me, ask me…
Ask me, ask me…
I would do anything
You want…
No matter what it costs…
Just ask me, ask me
I would do anything…

2006-03-06T12:29:00.000-08:00

CLINT UPDATE

There is still no word as to whether or not Clint has received the letter at this time. At this point, it has only been out of our possession for a little over 4 days (and two of those were weekend days when it would not have been possible for him to call Carter were he to wish to get more information regarding this situation from him before calling me).
I have this feeling that if the letter has not already been delivered to Clint at this time, it will be delivered to him sometime in the next week.
And at that point, hopefully, it is only a matter of short time before we receive some kind of word from him.

As Bonney Death says, "Any day could be the day."

Updates will follow...

2006-03-06T12:25:00.000-08:00

SONG 64

STICKING WITH YOU

I needed answers so I made the rounds
Asking everybody all over town
Asking everyone for their advice
Shadow-boxing…can’t make up my mind

I need to cut this out…
My voice is all that counts…
I need to nail it down
Listen to my heart
This is what it tells me…

**Chorus**
I am sticking with you…wrong or right
I could deny it…but I’d lose that fight
I am sticking with you…could be wrong
Could be wrong…could be wrong…
I think its right…
That’s why I’m sticking with you

Which way to go? Which one to choose?
The dark horse or the ocean blue?
Trampled by stallions or drowning by sea?
I can’t decide the best death for me

I try to think it over…
Both drunk and when I’m sober…
One voice is growing bolder
Listen closely
This is what it tells me…

**Chorus**
I am sticking with you…wrong or right
I could deny it…but I’d lose that fight
I am sticking with you…could be wrong
Could be wrong…could be wrong…
I think its right…
That’s why I’m sticking with you

One way…leads to certain sick destruction
One way…leads to truth
I hope I make the right choice

I don’t know what to do…
But I, alone, have to choose…
One star shines brighter in my sky
It won’t burn out
And that is why…

**Chorus**
I am sticking with you…wrong or right
I could deny it…but I’d lose that fight
I am sticking with you…could be wrong
Could be wrong…could be wrong…
I think its right…
That’s why I’m sticking with you

2006-03-02T11:47:00.000-08:00

A MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF www.findaclint.org

Friends:

I know it has been awhile since I have sent out a message to the members of our esteemed organization. I also know that much time has passed and there have been moments when I have wavered off my course. However, in my heart, I have always believed that the day would come when I would see Clint again.

Hopefully, that day is soon.

After many months of sitting patiently at Carter’s garage…waiting for Clint to come down to the garage himself and receive the letter that I left there for him…watching Clint’s friends come and go...people that we know have contact with him…after watching Carter tell them countless times to have Clint come down to the shop to pick up papers regarding a new car deal…after many months of all of this and still nothing, I became very frustrated. However, I was not about to give up because the tragedy still would be that Clint never had the chance to know that any of this was even going on…

We don’t know the circumstances of Clint’s life right now. The other boys have jobs now…there is talk that Clint may as well…if that is the case, he may never return to the garage if he is no longer doing that type of work…so, I decided…if he won’t come to the garage to get the letter…we’ll have one taken to him. Carter was always hesitant to remove the letter from the shop because he didn’t trust something so important in the hands of anyone other than Clint. However, (and I don’t know why we didn’t think of this before), there is no reason that there could not be multiple letters. And so on February 14th, I made my decision and I brought a second letter to Carter’s…this one to be given to one of Clint’s friends the next time one of them was at the shop…in the guise of a personal letter that Carter needed to get to Clint…

Then we waited…and waited…and I became frustrated because after that second letter was dropped off…George would call Carter every day telling him he was coming down…but he never showed up…

And then today, which will go down as one of the three biggest days in the history of www.findaclint.org up until this point (the other two being the actual meeting of Clint as well as the day we found Carter’s Auto after making hundreds of phone calls to area mechanics)…Mike showed up…

Not only is Mike the ringleader of the group…Carter believes that Mike, of all of the boys, is the one that knows Clint best…and in fact, I remember the first day I ever talked to Carter back in January of last year…he said, “oh yeah, I know Clint…Mike’s friend…” According to Carter, this is like if you were trying to locate me and you were somehow able to pass a letter off to Beth…

So, Mike arrived at the shop at 10am this morning to pick up some paperwork Carter had for him…and that is when the letter was passed off…Carter told Mike to pass it off to Clint as soon as he could and to have Clint call Carter when he received it so at least we would have confirmation when the letter was actually delivered to the correct person…currently it is en route…we don’t know how long it will take to reach its destination…he could be taking it there as we speak…he may even live with Clint…or he may not see him as often anymore and it might take him a little longer to get the letter to him…but the point is, the letter is en route…and this is the biggest advancement as far as getting news to Clint that we have really ever had…

I hope that this is the turn around point…and I hope that we receive news soon…

Today is an exciting day for www.findaclint.org

Updates will follow…

Find Clint. Find Peace.

Sincerely,

Debbie Little
President
www.findaclint.org

2006-02-21T18:12:00.000-08:00

it's not over...song 63...
i can't give up on this when i believe we are still so close...i realized that if clint will not come to us...then we will have the letter taken to him...there is a letter waiting for clint at carter's that he has been instructed to give to clint's friend, george, the next time he sees him...carter is to tell him that he needs to get this to clint and since he hasn't been around the shop, could george give it to clint for him? it's really important...once george has the letter in his hands, it could be only a matter of hours before clint receives it...who knows...that could be today...

find clint...find peace...song 64...
_______________________________________________________________________
ONE DAY

Today, a letter leaves my hands
And I trust it to the one
I know will see you first

I have looked into his eyes
And though he doesn’t know the gravity of this
I trust he’ll safely bear my words

Mercury…fall down from the sky
Take my words…make them fly

**Chorus**
Oh, my darling…eventually this all works out
Oh, my darling…I won’t stop until you’re found
Oh, my darling…there’s only one way this will end
One day my words will reach you
One day we’ll meet again…
One day…soon…

I’ve got to get my message through
Get it’s magnitude across
So much to say to you
I hope not a single words is lost

A love letter hits the streets
Where the drug deals go down
May it travel unimpeded
Through this faithless part of town

Mercury…be my friend tonight
Find my love…wherever he should lie

**Chorus**

And the tragedy is…
That you don’t even know
The lengths that I have gone to
The lengths that I’d still go
This unrequited love
Is what the tragedies are made of
Though our lives may be tragic at times,
I won’t let that be…you and me…

Today, a letter leaves my hands
And I trust it to the one
Who will find you safe and sound

Mercury…fall down from the sky
Take my words and help them fly

**Chorus**

2006-01-19T13:04:00.000-08:00

CLINT’S UNITE

There is a group on Myspace I stumbled upon called “Clint’s Unite.” It is a group composed of 253 men named Clint. I asked to join the group, but your name has be Clint in order to join. So, I explained my situation to the moderator of the group. His name is…you guessed it…Clint. And he posted a bulletin to the entire group about me and told them to help me. Some have sent me messages. But clearly, so far, they are all the wrong Clint’s. But they are fascinated by our story and many have told me this is just simply the power that Clint’s have over women. I don’t think our Clint is in this group. I don’t think that he is the kind of guy who uses computers and email very often. But this is an interesting sidebar to the story. Never in a million years would I have guessed that there was an entire group on Myspace dedicated only to people named Clint…

Find Clint. Find Peace.

2006-01-19T13:02:00.001-08:00

OUR ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY AT CARTER'S AUTO

365 days ago, after making nearly 300 phone calls to local garages, Beth called a small shop in Van Nuys called Carter’s Auto. We know now that it was Willie who answered the phone that day.

“Is Clint there?” she asked, like she had fruitlessly asked 300 times before.

“What would you want to talk to him for?” the voice on the other end asked.

“Is there a Clint who works there?” she asked in disbelief.

“Yeah. But what would you want to talk to him for?”

It turned out this Clint wasn’t there that day. But they did claim to know someone named Clint. When I came home that night, Beth was excited.

“You have to call this shop back tomorrow morning when you get up,” she told me.

I didn’t want to get my hopes up too high because this had happened before. Because the person on the other end didn’t understand what we were asking. Other garages had told us to call back the following day and in the end, there was no one named Clint there and they had never heard of anyone by that name. But Beth was convinced this one was different. This guy spoke perfect English.

And so I called the following morning on the 20th. It was a Thursday. It was a cool sunny day very similar to today. And I actually spoke to Mr. Carter for the first time. And the Clint he knew sounded exactly like the one I met. And the story has gone on from there.

So, here’s to our one year anniversary with Carter’s Auto.

May we have good news soon…

Updates will follow…

2006-01-19T12:43:00.000-08:00

not about Clint...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOVE YOU FROM AFAR

I…have power you don’t understand
To create…but I could crush this with my hands

All it takes is one mistake
One kiss to tempt both you and fate
A place we cannot come back from
Once it has begun

I could break apart most things I’ve got
Intentional or not…
The poison seeps under our skin
Dissolves this from within…

**CHORUS**
But I…I will not destroy this life
No I…I will not destroy us this time
I will fight this
I’ll deny this
If it tears me apart
And I will always love you
But secretly…
And from afar…

It’s true…sometimes strange thoughts cross my mind
Of you…and I…uninhibited and blind

All it takes is one false move
Lock ourselves in this room
Set fire to our bodies
And the possibilities

All we have are open doors
But one stays shut we can’t explore…
Whatever you do…don’t turn the handle
Don't turn the handle...

**Chorus**
Cause I…I will not destroy this life
No I…I will not destroy us this time
I will fight this
I’ll deny this
If it tears me apart
And I will always love you
But secretly…
And from afar…

Lock down your heart
Get your hammer out
And nail down that tarp
Get it covered up
I’m not going to tell you twice
We don’t want this…
We don’t want to have to decide
We don’t want this…

All it takes…a second look
And then we’re baited on that hook
Whatever I do…whatever I say
Don’t look at me that fatal way…

**Chorus**
Cause I…I will not destroy this life
No I…I will not destroy us this time
I will fight this
I’ll deny this
If it tears me apart
And I will always love you
But secretly…
And from afar…

Love you from afar…
Love you from afar…

2006-01-16T12:58:00.000-08:00

CLINT UPDATE: TIMING

Timing has something to do with all of this. If I’ve ever doubted that, I’m convinced of it now. If all of this were meant to dissipate and fade away into nothing, it would have done so a long time ago. We wouldn’t have Clint’s friends dangling in front of us (who we know have information about his whereabouts) and be very close to some crucial news if something weren’t eventually going to happen. It is all of these little twists and turns, in and of themselves, that make me fully believe this is something substantial.
I was at the shop all day Friday and nothing related to the Clint search happened there all morning long, until the 20 minutes when I left to get Carter lunch. And that is when George showed up selling i-pods. Carter told him to come back in an hour because he believed that his daughter might buy one. However, we sat there the rest of the day and he did not come back. I was there 8 hours that day…and I missed him during that small window of time that I left to run errands. Had I been there, I would have flirted with George…gotten in his favor. Asked him if he had any cute friends…I love southern boys…I’ve spent time in Tennessee…something along those lines…something that might get carried back home to Clint…that he should go down to the shop and check out Carter’s daughter…

But no…I was gone those 20 minutes George was there…

Mike called later in the afternoon and I answered the phone….he wanted to talk to Carter…
There is something else that Carter has that Mike wants….George took a sample of it back to Mike when he was at the shop, and Mike immediately called for the rest of it…he told Carter he would be down to the shop shortly…he had laptops for sale…but we told him we didn’t need laptops…Carter wants gardening tools and he also told Mike that his daughter wanted a dolly so her band could move their gear back and forth between the practice space…
In hindsight, I guess we should have told him that we were interested in seeing the computers…because Mike never showed up that day…

About 3:30, though, Mike sent two guys down to the shop that Carter didn’t really know to pick up what Mike wanted. Carter told them that he has the goods but that Mike needs to come down to get them himself because Carter won’t deal with people he doesn’t know…this is true…but it is also important that we keep all things that we have for Mike until we can actually put them in his hands…it does us no good to pass them off to his friends since Mike is the one that Carter actually needs to talk to about Clint…having things that he wants gives us leverage…

So, there was no news other than these comings and goings. Carter felt bad at the end of the day that there wasn’t more news. And I understand…when these boys say they’ll be there in an hour, sometimes it’s 3 or 4 days later. What is most important is that almost daily, they, themselves, or someone related to them either call the shop or stop by. So, it is really only a matter of time before Mike shows up and Carter is able to sit him down and talk to him about these deals he has for Clint…or even Clint himself decides to stop by the shop because he’s heard Carter had something for him. There is a timing to all of this that we have not quite figured out yet…

I’ll be down at the shop Friday afternoon. Kent and Beth are down there right now…

Updates will follow…

2006-01-16T12:13:00.000-08:00

SONG 62...62 songs for 62 weeks...
____________________________________________________________________
FOR ALL I KNOW

I hear the wind chimes…music in the breeze
The wind picks up like ghosts moving through the trees
Drinking red wine…out on the porch
My thoughts pick up…and then wander north

My loves been lost 440 days
But somewhere in this city, he’s awake
His words linger from first to last
Then echo and reach me through The Pass…

**Chorus**
And for all I know…his heart bleeds like mine
For all I know…he thinks of me tonight
For all I know…
Tomorrow will be all right
He could be close…
For all I know…

It’s not the number of breaths you take that keep you alive
It’s the moments that take your breath away that make you survive
There’s always that bend in the road that you can’t see past
But what’s beyond the bend is the thing you’ve always hoped you would have

Sometimes it seems easier to just give in
But then I’ve come so far to erase what I began
Don’t know what made me follow him down
That’s the thing I hope to find out…

**Chorus**
And for all I know…his heart bleeds like mine
For all I know…he thinks of me tonight
For all I know…
Tomorrow will be all right
He could be close…
For all I know…

I have tried to forget him
I have tried to replace him with others
It’s no use…I’ve discovered
He is bound like my lover
He is mine to recover
Our destinies are tied to one another

Today’s a good day to drop everything
This could go down…I got a feeling
They say that when the time hits, get in your car and just drive
Don’t look back til…until you arrive

What am I waiting for?
There’s nothing here but this door
My breath caught when I hear his voice
Forgive me…my tears are joy…

**Chorus**
For all I know…his heart bleeds like mine
For all I know…he thinks of me tonight
For all I know…
Tomorrow will be all right
He could be close…
For all I know…

For all I know…his heart bleeds like mine
For all I know…I will see him tonight
For all I know…
Today…we will all be all right
He could be close…
He could be close…
For all I know

2006-01-16T12:02:00.000-08:00

FINAL WORDS

It doesn’t rain here anymore
Could be California…but I’m guessing that it’s more
You said it was something about me
But up North, you’re the one still freezing

When I was dying in the hospital
You never left flowers by my bed
But you pretended like you sent the ones
Left there by my friends
Did you really think I wouldn’t find
Out from them someday?

**Chorus**
Oh…don’t know that I’ll forgive you
Don’t know if I can
Oh…my only consolation
Is I am stronger than when we began
Oh…all that wasted love
Oh…all that wasted hurt
Don’t know that I’ll forgive you
These are my final words…

Everything you said to me was like an assault
You might as well have punched me in the jaw
I’ve spent the days since wondering what kept me there with you
But even the strongest stay sometimes…so my regret has no use

When I flew 2000 miles to see you
For the holidays
You never even gave me
A gift when I came
It wasn’t about that…it was bigger
Did you think I wouldn’t know what it meant?

**Chorus**
Oh…don’t know that I’ll forgive you
Don’t know if I can
Oh…my only consolation
Is I am stronger than when we began
Oh…all that wasted love
Oh…all that wasted hurt
Don’t know that I’ll forgive you
These are my final words…

All that useless breath I used on you
All you gave me was emotional abuse
All those lashes where the scars run deep
I am older now…wiser now…
At least I finally see

When I made plans so we would have
The perfect New Year’s Eve
The time ticked by…I waited up…
You came home late that night
That’s when you told me of the girl
You kissed there at the bar
The girl you kissed instead of me

**Chorus**
Oh…don’t know that I’ll forgive you
Don’t know if I can
Oh…my only consolation
Is I am stronger than when we began
Oh…all that wasted love
Oh…all that wasted hurt
Don’t know that I’ll forgive you
These are my final words…

These are my final words…
These are my final words…

2006-01-06T11:12:00.000-08:00

MIDNIGHT IN VERNON

Practice began a little later yesterday…by the time we finished discussing details of the show and of the new website and Myspace site, it was after 9pm before we started rehearsing. Because of the show tonight, our plan last night was to run through the set a couple of times just for good measure, pack up all the gear, and be out of there by 11 or 11:30. But little did we know the unforeseeable events beyond our control that were about to occur. We finished up the first set around 10pm, and Dave had brought some beer to practice so we were taking a break and all having a beer and talking about the future of music and of our band and it’s place in that future. About 10:30 my phone started ringing but it was a blocked number. Since I always screen calls when I don’t know who the caller is, I didn’t pick up. The person left a voice mail. I started to listen to it. “Hi, this is Chris from TK Productions. Someone bought the building where you are rehearsing and we need you out of there ASAP…”

While I was listening to this, Dave’s phone started ringing and since he’s the other contact on the lease we signed, I knew this had to be Chris calling him so I said, “Dave…Dave…pick up your phone…”

And that’s when we got the bad news. Someone bought the building and we had to be out of there by Sunday night. What the fuck? We just moved in a month ago…the space was perfect and quiet and there were rarely other bands rehearsing there when we were there…now, what were we going to do? From searching for this place, we knew that it was tough to find a lock-out in this area…most of the places had waiting lists a mile long…we were on a few over a month ago…and no one ever called us…and all of this on the eve of the first show…we didn’t want to deal with this right now…

While Dave was on the phone with Chris, I heard some banging going on out in the hallway…I thought maybe these were the people that were buying the building…I was in a blind rage at this point and I went out there to get some answers…

But it was just Sergio (the building manager) and his band. “How you doing?” he asked.

“Not good…” I said.

“I guess you just got your call, then…huh? This fucking sucks.” Sergio told me, from what he knew, there was a guy who had come down to the studio about 3 weeks ago, pretending like he was in a band and was looking to rent one of the studios. I remember this guy because he made me show him our room while he was waiting for Sergio and he was all deceptive and being nice to me and pumping me for information…which I gave him because I thought he was just another musician like us. Sergio said that he did the same to him. But really, this guy was a business man. And he was looking to buy this building and kick all the musicians out.

“I don’t know what we’re going to do,” I said, “and we’ve got this show tomorrow night.”

It was then that Sergio told me that his band had actually just found a new studio about a mile away. Usually, it had a huge waiting list, but miraculously, there were three spaces that had just become available that very night. They had already signed the lease and taken one of them. There were two left. He gave me all the info and said we should go down immediately that very night if we wanted one of them. In the morning, they could be gone. So, I went back to our room and told the guys what I had found out. Ryan got on the phone and tried this new studio, but he only got someone’s voice mail.

I went back out in the hall and Sergio said that the people who were buying the building were coming down this very night and that his band was being asked to leave right then and there. They were not happy. He asked if we had gotten a hold of the other studio. I told him we left a message. He told me that we should just drive down there right that very moment because the manager down there lived on the premises and if we asked for him (his name is Yule), someone would direct us to him and he would show the spaces.
“Seriously, go now,” he said, “these spaces will not be available for very long.”

So, the four of us got in Ryan’s car and drove down to this place.

Everything that our current space was, this place was not. Whereas there were only 4 studios in our building, this one had 104. Ours was quiet…this one was fucking loud. We found the back door unlocked and began wandering the halls looking for Yule. There was guttural screaming coming from somewhere in the building, which freaked Ryan out a little until we realized that it was a coming from a singer in some band and not some crazy deranged poltergeist.

We were finally able to find Yule who agreed to show us the two spaces. We get in this huge freight elevator which takes us to the second floor. There is a big brass band playing down the hall. The first room is about the size of ours right now, but $135 cheaper. It is okay. The second room is on the third floor. It is $35 cheaper than our current room and about twice as big. You could seriously put all the gear, a couch, and a refrigerator in there and you still might have room for a pool table. There is a mariachi band playing down the hall, but when you close the door, the room is pretty well sound-proofed and you can’t hear them too terribly bad. We decide to take it. The room will be ours when we put down one month’s rent and the $200 security deposit (which needs to be in a money order). I ask if we can bring it down on Saturday morning. Yule tells me we can. But Jeff is worried that we may lose this room. What if someone comes down here tomorrow and just puts the money right on down? We need to get the money tonight. So, I tell Yule that we’ll be back in 20 minutes.

So, now the 4 of us are out driving around the streets of Vernon at 11:30 trying to find a 7-11 or something that is open where we can get the money orders. We find one, but they will only take cash. So, now Jeff, Ryan, and I are pulling wads of cash out of the ATM and Dave is walking around the store eating Funnions. I can’t even imagine what the woman behind the counter must have thought was going on…but I’m sure we were a sight.

We get the money orders, drive back to the space, sign the lease…and the keys are ours. Even Stevens. You get evicted from one space and an hour later you’ve got another one. How is this possible?…somebody must really be watching out for us.

We decide to forgo running through the set another time because by now it’s almost midnight. We drive back to the old space to get the gear…and they’re already in there gutting the building…at MIDNIGHT. What in the hell is going on here? I chase down the shifty little bastard that talked to me that night…pretending to be in a band…
“Chris said we can stay here til Sunday. Is that true? I see you’re gutting the building…will our stuff still be here on Sunday?” He tells me that it will. They won’t get to our room until next week.

So, we start packing up the gear we need for the show. Jeff goes out in the hall to talk to the guy…”what are you guys doing with the building?”

“Office space,” the guy tells him.

Yeah...and that’s why you’re here gutting the building at midnight…they’re probably turning it into a meth lab or a phone sex call center or something…

Finally, the gear is packed up and the cars are ready to roll…

The four of us are standing in the virtually empty room now. All that is left there is a couple of lamps, our dart board, the P.A., and some posters…Jeff pulls out a fifth of Jack…

“I got this so we could toast the eve of the first show…” he says.

And so we say a toast to our crazy night…the future…this empty room…the new space…and a bright future…it was a perfect moment…

And definitely one that when we’re famous, they can include on “Behind the Music.”

Rock out…

2006-01-05T15:46:00.000-08:00

WE ARE WAITING FOR MIKE...

There is no word from Mike at the shop yet today. One of Mike's friends who Carter has never met before drove the Stealth to the shop today. Carter told the guy that he is willing to work on the deal with them, but he only deals with people that he knows so he told the guy that he should bring Mike and any of the other people that Carter actually knows down to the shop and they will begin the deal.

So, that should finally get Mike off his ass beacause we're assured that this guy is going home immediately to tell him that Carter wants to see him personally. That means that there are two deals pending. The Stealth and this other classic car that Carter still has for Clint.

Carter says that he's sorry at how long all of this is taking, but he points out that at least we have news or word from someone related to the story daily. And we know that they're all in this city. Whereas before, there was no news for months. It's only a matter of time before Mike and Clint get involved in one of these deals...

We hope for more news tomorrow...

Updates will follow...

2006-01-04T20:49:00.000-08:00

THE DODGE STEALTH

I went to the shop earlier today. Carter informed me that he had spoken with Mike not even ten minutes before I arrived. There is a Dodge Stealth that the boys now have in their possession and Mike needs Carter to take a look at it. He was too high to drive it down to the shop today, but he says that he will bring it down tomorrow.

We are not sure whether Clint will come to the shop with Mike in the Stealth. If so, he will receive the letters then. If not, Carter will at least be able to talk to Mike and stress with him just how important the classic car deal is and that he needs Clint's help. This is the kind of car Clint has worked on for him before. Because Carter is helping with the Stealth deal, the boys are going to be willing to help him. Every favor he does for them, puts him more and more in their favor...and stacks the deck more and more in mine...

Updates will follow...

2006-01-04T11:50:00.000-08:00

MIKE WAS HIGH AGAIN...

Mike called Carter early yesterday afternoon. He was so high that Carter was not able to understand most of what he was saying. Then at some point, Mike dropped the phone and it hung up on Carter.
Carter is not certain what he was calling about. But he does think that Mike is probably back from Mexico. The papers are still at the shop for Mike and George to pick up. And Mike has some things he's brought back for Carter from Mexico. So, they need to go down to the shop. I know these little hang-ups are frustrating, but at least we know that all the boys are in town now and they are in contact with Carter. It is only a matter of time before the final favor.
I am going back down to the shop this afternoon...you never know what...or who...the day may bring...

Updates will follow...

2006-01-03T12:48:00.000-08:00

MIKE AND GEORGE

There has not been much news in the past several days. Mainly due to the holidays. The garages have not been open all that much this past week. Carter's was closed both Friday and Monday and so there would be no way for the boys to go down to the shop. Last Thursday morning, Mike called Carter from Mexico. He was down there "picking up some things." He wanted to know if Carter needed anything. Carter told him he needed a switchblade (which is in truth something that he is getting for me). Mike told him that he would get it. He said: "Man, I love you Carter...I love you." (he was obviously quite high). But the point is: he thought of Carter and the call was simply his way of telling Carter that he hadn't disappeared again and that he was just checking in. He told Carter that he didn't know if he would be back from Mexico the following day or if he would stay a few more days, but he did say that some of their friends were still in Van Nuys and he would send them down to the shop. He would be down when he returned (Carter believed it would probably be the following week--this week).

That very afternoon, I was down at Carter's playing guitar. A young hispanic man walked up, saw me, and stopped dead in his tracks. I had a feeling I knew who this was. He asked Carter if he would come over to his truck so he could talk to him (from what I know about many of these people, they won't talk about anything to Carter in front of people they don't know). I continued playing guitar and Carter and this man began bringing things into the shop that this man was obviously giving to Carter. The guy gave me a shy smile as he passed. I continued playing guitar. Carter caught my eye and held my gaze. Carter and I know each other well now...and I knew what he was communicating to me in that look. No words were necessary. He was telling me: this is George. I stayed cool. I continued playing guitar. Finally, Carter came back to the shop. George had left with the promise he would return the first part of next week for the papers. The things he had dropped off: they were all gifts to Carter...tokens for what he was doing for George and his friends. The message: Carter was in their favor.

At his truck, George had asked Carter: "Who is that girl?"

Carter said, "That's my daughter, George."

George said, "Wow. She's...really really nice."

We all know what that means. George finds me in his favor. Which according to Carter is a very good thing. The irony of all of it: George lives with Mike and their house is where Clint is staying right now. George probably went right home and told the boys: "Did you guys know that Carter had a daughter? You should see her. She's fucking hot."

Carter believes the boys may be coming around the shop now more because of me...and that's exactly what we wanted...

I have now met one of Clint's friends...I hope that Clint is next...

Updates will follow...

2006-01-03T12:44:00.000-08:00

AN UNBROKEN CHAIN OF FAVORS

There is an unbroken chain of favors that lead from the first favor to the last one. And the last one is really only the first one in the next chain. Trishadee pointed all of this out to me the other day. One cool night last November, a man’s car broke down in West Hollywood. His name was Clint and he had no idea what chain he was about to start. He asked a favor of me as I was passing him on the street: “do you have an extra cigarette?” In the course of that conversation, he would compliment my beauty several times, but I would leave him that night on the street corner. Deliberate or accidental? It doesn’t really matter at this point. What does matter is that he would do me a grand favor. He would become my muse for the next 14 months. But I wanted to see him again. And I knew that I was meant to. Beth would then do me a favor. She would spend days and days calling all the auto shops in the valley until the fateful day, after going through hundreds of shops, she found a shop where they knew this young man named Clint. Carter’s Auto. Over time, we would come to learn that Clint wasn’t really a mechanic there. He only came there occasionally to do deals and that would be why he was so hard to track down. The shops owner, Mr. Carter, fell in love with the story and agreed to help put me in contact with the ever elusive Clint. Over time, I would do countless favors for Mr. Carter: bring him lunch at the shop, answer his phone for him, watch the shop when he went to deliver a car, bring treats and gifts for the shop dog Bucky, etc.). I spent months doing this while Carter and I waited for news on the whereabouts of Clint or his friends. Finally the friends showed up a few weeks ago. They needed a favor from Carter. They needed some papers notarized. Carter agreed to help them, in the back of his mind, knowing that they would in turn help him be put in contact with Clint. Carter’s girlfriend Anna works at the bank and so he asked her to do him a favor: could she have these papers notarized for his friends? They return for the papers at some point. Carter has a great deal for their friend Clint. It’s “the deal of a life time” and it “has his name written all over it.” In truth, there really is a car deal for Clint to work on and he would make a lot of money were he to restore this car. But we know what the “deal” really is: the “deal” is me. When the papers are passed over to Clint’s friends in the next week or two and Carter is put in contact with Clint, Carter then completes the final favor: passing over my letters to Clint. Once they are in his hands, he makes one simple phone call…and the chain begins again…

2006-01-03T12:12:00.000-08:00

SONG 61...there is a long chain of favors leading back to the source
_____________________________________________________________________

COMPLIMENTS AND FAVORS

Deliberate or accidental…you can take your pick
The strange circumstances surrounding this hit…and run
You merge left…and then you merge right
You try to pick the best lane tonight
But the truth is…no matter which you choose
They all go the same place

And they keep saying to me
I ought to bend before I break
But I just don’t see the logic
In calculating my escape

**Chorus**
These compliments and favors
Broken down trucks and broken down hearts
You’re my favorite collision
I have come across so far
And I don’t know the plan
But there’s got to be reason and some truth
In all these compliments and favors
That lead to you…

There is a beauty in the unexpected and unseen
The sweet heavy sky that blankets our schemes
Please believe me when I tell you all I want is your smile
I bet you haven’t heard that in awhile…if ever

In all my scattered searches
In all my shattered days
I’ve never met another soul
That shook me up this way

**Chorus**
These compliments and favors
Broken down trucks and broken down hearts
You’re my favorite collision
I have come across so far
And I don’t know the plan
But there’s got to be reason and some truth
In all these compliments and favors
That lead to you…

Champagne and celebrations…love letters
And anticipated phone calls from the North
The culmination…we wait for
Of an unbroken chain of favors back to the source

Though I’ve had my reservations
And at time I’ve wandered off the course
At the end of this long and winding road
I was always yours

**Chorus**
These compliments and favors
Broken down trucks and broken down hearts
You’re my favorite collision
I have come across so far
And I don’t know the plan
But there’s got to be reason and some truth
In all these compliments and favors…

Compliments and favors
Flash floods and forest fires
Your evening collision
Is all that I desire
And I don’t know the plan
But there’s got to be some reason and some truth
In all these compliments and favors
That lead to you…

2005-12-21T12:21:00.000-08:00

MORE NEWS FROM YESTERDAY?? IS IT FINALLY TIME??

Rachel spoke with Mr. Carter yesterday at the end of the day after Mike and George left the shop. She was able to get more details for me, but I am going to the shop this afternoon, and will get the full story myself. Apparently though, when she called and asked him if Clint was there, he said, “no, but if you were to call back here in two days, he might very well be here.” I asked her what this two days meant…if Carter had specific information that Clint was coming down on Thursday or if this was just simply Carter thinking that it would be soon now that the rest of them have started hanging out around the shop again. She didn’t know…

What Carter told Rachel: Mike and George have both been in jail. We already knew Mike was…we didn’t know that George was but we kind of suspected it. They were in jail together for the same thing. They have been there for between 6 and 9 months (we don’t know the exact timeframe just yet but that fits in with our story). Clint may or may not have been involved in whatever deal they were doing that went awry…but whatever happened he did NOT go to jail with them…but they said that he was lying low during the time they were away…which makes sense either way (whether he was involved in their deal or whether he was just simply on the periphery and didn’t want to draw too much attention to himself because he was associated with them). Wherever he was during that time, they say he is now in Los Angeles. Carter did not want to ask too many questions about Clint because he didn’t want to make them too suspicious, but they are coming back either today or tomorrow to get the papers that George needs notarized. Carter will then be able to ask more questions. According to Carter, this is the way the cycles go. Mike goes to jail for a period of time…people just seem to kind of disappear…when he comes back, they all start hanging out down at the shop again just like old times…

That’s Rachel’s version of Carter’s story. I will be able to get more information when I see him today. My thinking is this…it’s speculation but helps explain a lot of missing details in the story…the day before my letter was taken to the shop (the last day that Clint was there), he told Carter that he was “going away for awhile.” Carter, being Carter, thought this meant a few days or even a few weeks, but until I see Clint again, we have no way of knowing what he really meant. Just suppose, the deal had already gone bad or was about to go bad and he knew this. Either Mike and George had already been picked up or they sensed that something was about to go down. So, Clint decides to lay low for a little while. They get arrested and he stays low until they get out. That explains where they were and where he was during the last nine months. George gets out first. He got out at the beginning of October, but Mike was still in jail until mid-November. George started meandering around the neighborhood selling stuff, but Mike’s the real ring-leader and nothing really gets done unless he’s around. We know he was on House Arrest and that may have been where he was from November 8th when he was at his parole hearing until yesterday when he arrived at the shop. Now he’s back…they’ve served their time…they start rolling around town a little more…get the gang back together…they’re going to the shop this week to try to sell some stuff to Carter and pick up the notarized papers…maybe they call up Clint and see if he wants to roll down with them…he decides to because he has nothing to do today and maybe Carter’s got some lien deals for him to work on…it’s been awhile since he worked on a car…

It is entirely possible this is the way it will go down…my worry is that Carter will stall a little too long in asking them more info about Clint…and then they’ll disappear again…we can’t let that happen…we wouldn’t be in this boat if Carter just asked the right questions…he’s worried about scaring them off and making them suspicious…but according to Rachel, he wants to get more details about the deal and about why Clint was in hiding….I think that’s a bad idea and that’s what I intend to tell him today…that would make them suspicious…what I think he should do (if Clint doesn’t just come down with them when they come for the notarized papers) is just play it off kind of casually…”man, I miss you guys hanging out around here at the shop all the time…it was so much fun…you guys should come around more often…bring your buddy Clint down…I had a couple of deals over the summer like the ones he used to work on…but I didn’t know where you guys were…I got a couple more coming up…they’ve got Clint’s name written all over them…”

Obviously, the "deal" is me...and that's why it's got his name written on it and no one else's...but if he says it this way, it just makes it seem like these are cars similar to the ones Clint fixes…in passing, they mention this to him when they see him…he’s down at the shop in a day or two…gets the letter…and then it all begins…

So, anyway, even though I’m frustrated that Carter is taking his time and coddling them before he attempts to get the information and I’m worried that he won’t ask the right questions before they disappear again…even in spite of this…I do know that Mike coming back is HUGE…as big as the three other big turning points in this story: 1) the actual meeting; 2) finding Carter’s garage; and 3) when Clint told Carter he didn’t believe him and Carter told Beth to bring the picture of me to the shop…Mike is HUGE…the first day I ever spoke to Carter back in January of last year, when I asked for Clint, he said, “oh yeah…you mean Mike’s friend”…Mike is big…Mike, in the past, has always signaled the return of everybody else…so I understand that even though we may not have gotten substantial information specifically about Clint yesterday, just Mike’s presence back on the scene is a huge turning point in our story…I also understand that there is a timing to this story…how ironic and coincidental that the deal goes awry and Clint goes into hiding just as the letter is taken down to the shop…just sitting there the whole time they were in jail…had the letter gone down a day earlier, he would have gotten it…maybe he would have laid low with me…but just what if that was not the right timing?? Just what if he was too wrapped up in the deal and what had happened to his friends…that he couldn’t pursue anything with me?? Just what if?? But now they’re out and everything’s okay again…what if this was the right timing all along?? And now we have this incredible year-long story that wasn’t even a fraction as good back when he disappeared as it is now…and we have all these friends on board with this story…and I have found a father in Carter…and I have started learning to fix cars and found I love it…all of these things I probably would not have had if this story had resolved back in March…Add onto that the fact that only 13 songs had been written at that time…and I was in the wrong band…now there are 60 songs and the right band…the perfect fit…the one that could actually go somewhere (if we could all just agree on a name, that is)…and I have my life also finally in a good place…in the right place…looking back on it, in a much better place than it probably would have been back in March…

The universe knows better than us…maybe this was the timing…but then, maybe somewhere deep inside, I knew that all along…

Updates to follow...

2005-12-21T11:23:00.000-08:00

Finally...in light of yesterday's events...my muse again visited me...and now we have 60...
____________________________________________________________________
A SIGN

Finally…the word out on the street
Is you’re somewhere in this town
I always hoped…but I didn’t really know
‘Til this morning I found out

They say…that you’ve been hiding out
Somewhere underground
Laying low…taking everything slow
‘Til the fire had died down

I have searched this city over
End to end…I was always hoping for a…

**Chorus**
Sign…I’ve been waiting for a
Sign…that you were still
Alive…I’ve been waiting all this
Time…waiting for a
Sign…

You never know…where the day will go
So you better be prepared
When I got the call…crying in a bathroom stall
In a moment of despair

Take a breath…and gather myself
Fix my eyes in the mirror
Emerald green…from the tears that fell unseen
Now, sorrow turns to fear

Cause I have waited for this moment
But faced with its gravity, I find that I shiver at the…

**Chorus**
Sign…I’ve been waiting for a
Sign…that you were still
Alive…I’ve been waiting all this
Time…waiting for a
Sign…

I’ll rise from this coffin I am
Lying in…to face the dawn
I’ll need my shades to take you in
You radiate so bright I squint
Just at the thought…of facing you…

Finally…the word out on the street
Tomorrow is the day
Flash burn…in the moment you return
And all else melts away

I know I have had some time
To prep myself…but I am paralyzed by the…

**Chorus**
Sign…I’ve been waiting for a
Sign…that you were still
Alive…I’ve been waiting all this
Time…waiting for a
Sign…I’ve been waiting for this
Sign…

2005-12-20T16:28:00.000-08:00

THIS COULD BE SOMETHING BIG...

George and Mike, Clint’s two best friends, are down at the shop right now as we speak…they have been there since 11:30 this morning…they are completely high…and there may or may not be someone else with them. I was on the phone with Carter and either another call came in or something happened down there…he put me on hold…when he came back, he said, “I have some MORE good news for you…we’ll have to finish this conversation another time…”

Well, it was already good news that George and Mike were there…what else could there be???

I don’t want to jump to conclusions, but I can’t think of any other good news there could be…I don’t know if Clint had called in at that moment or if George and Mike were on the phone with him or if he, himself, was actually at the garage…

So, I had Beth call up there half an hour later to make sure that Carter knew that if Clint did show up today, he had to pull him aside and give him the letter. So, Beth called up and in her Southern accent she asked: “Is Clint there??”
And Carter said, “He certainly is.” But he wouldn’t talk to her because the guys were there and he couldn’t talk in front of them…and she couldn’t figure out if he was joking about Clint being there or not…but something was going on there…and he told her to tell me that he was going to have some really good news for me tomorrow…in the past, when he had “news” for me, it was because Mike or George had called him up and promised to come down to the shop sometime later that week (most often, they never showed up)…but they were there today…all day long…carrying on and smoking pot down there…so what is the good word??? Either Clint’s down there today as well or Carter’s at least getting specific information about Clint for us from Mike (keep in mind Mike, who is according to Carter, Clint’s best friend, hasn’t been down to the shop since Clint disappeared back at the end of March)…

I wish I was at the garage today…I don’t want to get my hopes up too high…but something’s going on down there right now…and this could be the beginning of it all…

Updates to follow…

2005-12-19T18:44:00.000-08:00

NEWS FROM CARTER'S:

Clint's friend George was at the shop today. He is desperate and needs a favor from Carter. He needs something notorized. Carter can't do this for him, but Carter's girlfriend Anna can because she works at the bank. Carter told George to come back in the next day or two (basically as soon as possible) with the documents he needs notorized and Carter will have Anna take care of it. Carter's thinking is that doing this favor for George will give him some "leverage." It kind of gives him a "one-up." He believes that once he has done this favor, George will be willing to do something for Carter in return. And all Carter wants is information about Clint. As much as we can possibly get at this time. George is very elusive and doesn't really like to talk, but this "favor" may prompt him to give us all the information we need; more information than he might have given otherwise. He may even be so grateful for Carter's help that he goes home and gets Clint to come down to the shop with him.

I know it's frustrating. When I heard this today...I thought to myself: "Why the hell can't he just ask George for the information when he's there?" But then I realize that Carter knows these guys way better than I do. He knows how they operate. I just have to trust that Carter knows the proper way to reach them and get the information we need. It's all going to happen...it's just a matter of when...to me, clearly, there is a timing issue with this whole story...things have to be done in their proper time...that's why my letter goes down to the shop the day after the last day Clint is seen for months...I am open to whatever the timing is supposed to be. Carter has proven that he has a strange unexplored "sixth sense" of some type. If we have to take this slowly...and patiently coax the information out of the boys...then so be it...the end result is still the same...we get what we want...it's just a matter of when...

Updates to follow...

2005-12-16T11:56:00.000-08:00

CLINT UPDATE
This Cliff person I talked about in my last blog used to play guitar with Brett Michaels...
He's not our guy...besides, I heard him right...he said his name was Clint...not Cliff...
Still no word from George, Mike, or any of the boys...
But Carter is still hopeful...there is still one week until Christmas and they have some things they are supposed to deliver to Carter before then...
I'm going back down to the shop today...
One of these days...will be the day...

Find Clint. Find Peace.

2005-12-16T11:51:00.000-08:00

I find just can't write the 60th song...I don't know what it's about yet...until then, I guess there are other things to write about...
_____________________________________________________________________
CRUSH

I know I barely even know him
But when I’m around him, I can barely breathe
Can’t think of a single thing to say
Doesn’t matter…my mouth’s too dry to speak
Anyway…
I know I really shouldn’t be here
But I know tomorrow I’ll return
Playing hooky in the afternoon
Just to watch him work

**Chorus**
Ooh…he’s out from underneath the car
And ooh…he’s smiling right at me
Ooh...I’m melting in this moment
Can’t explain it…thought the boy was just a
Crush…
Don’t know why one smile means so much…

I find I’m like a moth
Underneath the lights
Every time he glances my way
I feel a flutter in side
Wanna fly away…
And I know I ought to be a little bolder
Get my courage up
I really wanna ask him for his number
Take a ride in his truck

**Chorus**
Ooh…he’s out from underneath the car
And ooh…he’s smiling right at me
Ooh...I’m melting in this moment
Can’t explain it…thought the boy was just a
Crush…
Don’t know why one smile means so much…

My mind’s made up
I’m thinking up
Some good excuses
To give me a reason to come by
It seems so obvious
I feel so obvious
But I’ve obviously caught his eye…

He’s looking…he’s trying to be subtle
But I know I got him know
Hike up my skirt a little higher
And cast my line out
Got his attention…
I could watch him working for hours
Just fixing brakes
Until they’re ready to close up shop
And head home for the day

**Chorus**
Ooh…he’s out from underneath the car
And ooh…he’s smiling right at me
Ooh...I’m melting in this moment
Can’t explain it…thought the boy was just a
Crush…

He’s out from underneath the car
And ooh…he’s walking over to me
Ooh…I’m feeling kind of flushed
Gonna find out where this whole crush leads…
I only hope he won’t crush me…

2005-12-14T14:50:00.000-08:00

CLINT UPDATE

No news from Carter’s this week yet, but it is still early afternoon on Wednesday. I was on the phone with him yesterday and there was a guy down at the shop that used to know Clint. Not well the way that George and Mike know him…but he knows who Clint is. Carter asked him if he had seen Clint recently or knew what was going on with him and the guy said that he hadn’t seen him in awhile.
We’re still hoping that George will go down this week.

In another realm, a message was posted this morning on the Black Broom listserv (the listserv for the pagan store Clint told me about when we met)…it was from a guy who said that he had been “outta town for several months” and was wondering where and when the Black Broom moved (the store moved to a new location about a month and a half ago)…I almost disregarded the message and deleted it...I know where the Black Broom is now, afterall, and don’t need this information…but I stopped when I saw the name of the man…Cliff…

From our search calling all the mechanics in the beginning of our story (before we found Carter’s and stopped making our calls)…many of the people who answered our calls…thought we were saying Cliff…and they would ask us to repeat the name…I know that these two names sound very similar…Cliff is probably just as uncommon a name as Clint…and there is clearly a Cliff who shops at this bookstore…is it possible that this is the man that I met?? Could I have misheard him?? Is it possible his name is Clifford and sometimes he goes by Cliff and sometimes he goes by Clint? The names are so similar sounding…

Anything is possible at this point…I have this man’s email address now…I suppose it doesn’t hurt to email him and ask him if he is from Tennessee…wouldn’t that be ironic??

I already spoke with Carter today regarding this matter…he said that he is certain the guy at his shop goes by Clint…but he also said that it is possible this is the same person…he could go by both names…people have strange variations on their names that they sometimes use in different circumstances…

Updates will follow…

2005-12-14T14:36:00.000-08:00

Not part of the Gypsy Chronicles, per se...but it has a place in our story...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I AM THE GIRL

I’ve never been in love
I’ve never had the chance
Never given my heart away
Cause I’ve never met my match
I’ve never learned to calm down
No reason why I should
Never pretended that I was normal
No reason why I would

Don’t stand there staring at me
With that stupid smile
I know that you’ll be gone
In a little while…

**CHORUS**
Cause I am the girl that they don’t keep around for long
I know I scare them at the same time they’re turned on
But pretty soon they find that they just can’t keep up
Cause I am the girl who is too much…

I like to stay up all night
Until I just collapse
Sometimes I like to break things
With my bare hands
I like to set a fire
Just to watch it burn
I like to dive into darkness
No promise I’ll return

Don’t sit there staring at me
With those bedroom eyes
I know that you’ll be gone
Before you’ve said goodbye…

**Chorus**
Cause I am the girl that they don’t keep around for long
I know I scare them at the same time they’re turned on
But pretty soon they find that they just can’t keep up
Cause I am the girl who is too much…

If you think I really care
Then you’re fooling yourself well
If you think I even care
Then you’re really fooling yourself...fooling yourself…
Fooling yourself…well…

(I needed something to occupy my time…
You were only there to occupy my time…)

I’ll never apologize
For the way I am
And I will never change
For any fucking man
I am a mystery
That most can’t pull apart
My intensity’s
Not for the faint of heart

Don’t stand there staring at me
With those lustful eyes
I know you’ll disappear
Without a reason why…

**Chorus**
Cause I am the girl that they don’t keep around for long
I know I scare them at the same time they’re turned on
But pretty soon they find that they just can’t keep up
Cause I am the girl who is too much…

(I needed something to occupy my time…
You were only there to occupy my time…)

2005-12-08T15:40:00.000-08:00

HOUSE SHOPPING WITH MR. CARTER AND OTHER NEWS...

Last night I saw a 1.5 million dollar house with Mr. Carter. He told the realtor that he wanted his daughter to see the house as well. The house was nice, very large, with four bedrooms. The realtor thought that was great for when “your daughter and her friends are over.” The best part about the house was the six car garage, which is exactly what Carter is looking for because he has so many cars to park there. But ultimately, we decided that the neighborhood was too fancy (“I don’t want to be living around all these stuffy stuck up rich people,” Carter remarked) and that the house was too big and not secluded or far enough from the street (Carter wants a lot of privacy) and he said, “If I’m spending this kind of money, I want to get exactly what I want.”
We drove around for another half an hour or so looking at houses, but didn’t see anything more that we liked that was for sale. There are a couple more that Carter is supposed to see next week. I told him that if he needed his daughter’s help, I would be more than happy to go with him to look at them.

In other news at the shop, George, Clint’s friend, was at the shop on Monday TWICE, but George is very elusive and he won’t talk to Carter if there are other people at the shop that he doesn’t know; each time he was there, the shop was crawling with people. So, Carter wasn’t able to ask him our crucial question: Clint’s whereabouts. But George now has a list of things that Carter wants to buy off of him and he said that it should be pretty easy to find these items; Carter expects George back sometime this week. If anything, he needs the items before Christmas, so that gives us some kind of time frame. Carter said that he also has begun thinking a lot about what he’s going to do when Clint actually walks into the shop. He said he is afraid he’s going to be so nervous that he might forget my number, so he has my CD next to his phone to remind him of my number and of Beth’s. He will call both of us and either leave a message if no one picks up or say the code words: “I have some time to fix your car if you can bring it down in the next half an hour.” If no one shows up, before Clint leaves, he is to pull him aside and give him the “Clint file” and tell him how important this deal is and that he will want to open it when he is alone. My feeling is that we will not be able to get to the shop in time and that the file will simply need to be passed off to Clint. In some regards, I think this may be best. It will give Clint the time he needs to digest what he can understand is going on here from the letter, rather than be faced with me unannounced at the shop. He may need some time to think and some preparation for this because this is going to be like getting hit by a truck. The man is Romany wicca, and by definition, has a romantic soul. So, there is no way he will not call me. And when he does, I will ask him I can buy him a drink and an hour of his time. And I will tell him the story. And most likely, that hour will turn into four or five...or more...

Carter says he’s starting to get nervous. I am too. I don’t know if this is because we sense the immediacy of this or what…but something may be about to go down. When I am with Clint finally, I will text message the letters “EMT” to Beth to indicate that it is an emergency. That is when her calls will begin…

May the force be with us…

2005-12-07T11:36:00.000-08:00

SONG 59...I hope this day is soon...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

MY LUCKY DAY

You…don’t know what you’re doing to me
At times…I think that maybe I should leave

Cause hope…is sometimes overrated
Still…there’s a voice that tells me “hang on”

Out…out in the middle of nowhere
I find…that I can think a little clearer

The sky…is wide and there are many options
But I…find that I have no intention of stopping cause…

**Chorus**
Someday…when I wake in the morning
Without a warning
My luck’s gonna change
Some days…even though I am jaded
I’ll be glad that I waited
I’ll be glad I can say,
“Today’s my lucky day.”

Here…I’m the only one awake on earth
And this…could be the eve of my rebirth

You…hold the pieces that still puzzle me
But when they fit…this will make sense you will see…

**Chorus**
Someday…when we wake in the morning
Without a warning
Our luck’s gonna change
Some days…even though I feel jaded
I’ll be glad that I waited
I’ll be glad I can say,
“Today’s my lucky day.”

Please don’t leave me out here in the cold
Please don’t leave me out here in the cold
Oh come…unlock this door before I freeze
You have the key…

The stars…sometimes have the right alignment
And then…the answers that we search for find us

You…are the only thing that still escapes me
I long…for the dawn I open up my eyes and see…

**Chorus**
The day…when I wake in the morning
Without a warning
I sense a change
Some days…even though I feel jaded
I’ll be glad that I waited
And I’m gonna say,
“Today’s my lucky day.”

2005-12-06T11:24:00.000-08:00

SONG 58...
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

FALL

I am aware…now
That I was only held here by me
I am aware…now
The ropes were just illusion…imaginary

Rise…up from the ground
You were never held here
You were never bound

So rise…up from the ground
Step to the edge
Don’t look down

**Chorus**
Just fall…
I am falling
I don’t know what’s below
But I fall…
I am falling
Seems to be the way…
To let go…of it all...
And just fall…

Like an apparition…you were
You were there one moment…and then gone
But it was like a lightening flash…for me
Illuminate my sky for a moment

Then drive…away in your car
Out into the distance
‘Til you don’t know where you are

Drive…as many miles as you need
One day our paths will cross again
If it is meant to be

**Chorus**
Just fall…
I am falling
I don’t know what’s below
But I fall…
I am falling
Seems to be the way…
To let go…of it all...
And just fall…

I held on for dear life…
I thought that I could manipulate time
In my favor…
But now I see
The only way that I can breathe
Release…whatever hold I still keep
Whatever will be…will be

It doesn’t really matter where we were
Only where we’re going…I know…
The moments in between could be anything
Doesn’t matter how we get there
Only that we will

I…will try to relax
And never forget
Exactly what I have

I…know one moment of fate
And no matter what we did
We’d still meet again someday

**Chorus**
So I fall…
I am falling
I don’t know what’s below
But I fall…
I am falling
Seems to be the way…
To let go…of it all...
And just fall…

Just fall…
Just fall…

2005-12-05T16:57:00.000-08:00

CLINT UPDATE

It is my intuition that something is going to happen this week. I was down at Carter’s on Friday afternoon and he told me that George had called him earlier that day and was making plans to come down to the shop. Carter thought he might be coming that very day, but apparently Carter believed that George was completely high when he talked to him, and that could explain why he did not appear at the garage on Friday. However, Carter was confident that he would be down at the garage sometime the following week. This was, of course, encouraging news because when Carter sees George in person, he will be able to find out Clint’s whereabouts and ask George to bring Clint down to the shop because he has “many deals for him to work on.”

I spent another hour down at the shop chatting with Carter, and when I was getting ready to leave, I had this strange sense that the next time I came down to the shop, there would already have been word from Clint or I would be going there because Carter had called me to tell me that Clint was there at that very moment. And this thought terrified me. Because all of a sudden, it seemed so real and so close.

My intuition tells me for some reason that there will be news from the shop sometime this week (between the 5th and the 9th—possibly on the 6th or the 7th) and that Clint, himself, would come to the shop sometime the following week (between the 12th and the 16th). My feeling is that I will have talked to Clint by the 18th at the latest. Now, some of my intuitions have been wrong in the past regarding these matters, but some of them have also been right (for example, I sensed that something was going to happen on the 8th of November and that was the day that Mike finally called Carter and told him that he was now out of jail).

I think that something may have happened down at Carter’s today. I called Carter around 2:30 and he told me to call him back in 5 minutes because he was in the middle of something important that he needed to take care of. A part of me got the sense that this was related to the Clint search, but then, I figured that was probably wishful thinking and he was most likely simply in the middle of something with another client. However, when I called back 10 minutes later, Carter told me that he was talking to George and that he couldn’t talk to me right then.
Now, I don’t know if George was actually at the shop or if he was on the phone with him at that time. I don’t know what was going on down at that garage at that moment, but it was related to Clint. George’s more and more frequent calls mean that he is coming down to the shop, probably sometime this week. And so my intuition about the fact that we would receive news sometime this week was probably correct. Is the other intuition (that Clint, himself, will return to the garage next week) also correct???

This may be the beginning of the sequence of events that we have all been waiting for…

Keep your fingers crossed…

2005-11-30T18:30:00.000-08:00

MR. CARTER UPDATE...

Carter told me today that Clint was in the back office trying to "handle two girls at once" but that Clint promised he would be "reasonably faithful" to me...

I told him I was not in a joking mood today...

He told me he believes that he is the most optimistic person regarding this situation that I know right now...is that true or is he just deluded and insane??

He told me he went to the bank yesterday and there was this pretty woman there who started talking to him and they talked for a few minutes while they were standing in line, and then he went to leave and as he was walking out, he thought to himself: "I could go back. This is like Clint and Debbie. I could go back and ask her for her number or ask her out to dinner." But in the end, he didn't go back. And he said, "You know...and what are the chances that I would ever see her again...slim to none."

And I said: "You know...that's just it about this story. I'm sure that Clint left that corner that night and thought to himself, 'I'm never going to see that girl again. Huh, that's really too bad...' And you know, under normal circumstances, what are the chances you would just randomly run back into someone in a city with so many millions of people?? But that's what is different about this story...because I found him again...but yet I didn't. But I found a place where he will return and I have to wait for him to return there. And imagine his surprise. He has no idea that all of this has been going on. He has no idea what is about to happen to him."

And Carter said: "I believe this is meant to work out and it will. And it will all be so good then."

I said: "I know. The trouble is...what if it's year from now? I can do days, or weeks, or months...but I don't think I can do years."

And he said: "No, you shouldn't even be thinking about that. I know these boys. Someone will come down here to try to sell me something for the holidays. They always do. And then I'll be able to get some news and hopefully some kind of time frame for you."

"I would give a lot to see him right now...just for 20 minutes...just to tell him the story," I said.

"You have waited a long time and it is good things that you wait for. Just stay optimistic. There are still two more days left in this week."

2005-11-30T12:01:00.000-08:00

SONG 57...now, if I could actually just do this...
______________________________________________________________________
ANTICIPATION

Control…it will do me in
Thought it was my friend
But it gets me every time

Now…I’m tied to this chair
All the windows barred
And the building is on fire

And I want to know
All the answers
To every question asked
I want to know…
I want control…
I want to know…
But I don’t have control…

**Chorus**
Anticipation…is the thing that’s killing me
The soft seduction of endless possibilities
The resolution…is I’ve got to set it free
Let the universe decide what’s best for me
I hope it’s the same thing…
I think I need

Blood…the blood is on my hands
I have made this mess
But it’s not mine alone

I’ve figured out how this should end
Every last detail
But there are parts I just can’t nail

And I want to know
That this will go
Exactly how I’ve planned
I want to know…
I want control…
I want control…
But now I understand…

**Chorus**
Anticipation…is the thing that’s killing me
The soft seduction of endless possibilities
The resolution…is I’ve got to set it free
Let the universe decide what’s best for me
I hope it’s the same thing…
I think I need

You’d think that I’d know better
By now what is best for me
But my car is stuck here in the sand
Going nowhere
The wheels are spinning…but I can’t turn
You’d think that I would learn…

I…cast this to the wind
Which ever way they blow
I trust that they will know

Cause I give up
I give in
It’s out of my hands
Should have known…
To release control…
To a higher plan…

**Chorus**
Anticipation…is the thing that’s killing me
The soft seduction of endless possibilities
The resolution…is I’ve got to set it free
Let the universe decide what’s best for me
I hope it’s the same thing…
I think I need

2005-11-29T12:48:00.000-08:00

Debbie’s Top Ten Most Dateable Occupations

1) Mechanic/Auto/Motorcycle Repair
2) Race Car Driver/Motocross
3) Mercenary
4) Bounty Hunter
5) Assassin
6) Tattoo Artist
7) Carpenter
8) Firefighter
9) Music Producer/Engineer/Synth/Sound Design
10) Architect

2005-11-29T10:57:00.000-08:00

56...

THE PUREST LOVE

I am lying very still
Pretend that you are near
Hiding from the thoughts
That take harbor here

Everyone can blame
Another for their pain
I am not immune
To this murder game…

And I wonder what you want
And I wonder what you need
I can’t imagine what you want
When you already have the best of me…

**Chorus**
If my love were not so pure
I would surrender, I am sure…
But sure as the stars above
Mine is the purest love
This is the purest love…

The room is fucking with my head
Sometimes I think you dead
But that is just a way
To salvage sanity

Catch me while I sleep
Haunt me in my dreams
The whisper of your tears
I am jolted awake

And I wonder where you are
I imagine you hear my song
I believe you can taste my fear
My fear that you are lost…

**Chorus**
If my love were not so pure
I would surrender, I am sure…
But sure as the stars above
Mine is the purest love
This is the purest love…

I can’t go back
To the one that I was
Before I was chained to you
So I have to believe
There is a reason for darkness
A reason…but light will break through
And it’s still a mystery
How future turns into
History…
And blinds you to all
But what you can see
It is a beautifully innocent truth…

I reside outside of time
There is nothing here
Nothing but your memory
It sparkles clear…

I imagine you hear my call
Can you sense where it comes from?
There is a road that leads you back
But it is a dark and hidden path…

**Chorus**
If my love were not so pure
I would surrender, I am sure…
But sure as the stars above
Mine is the purest love
This is the purest love…

2005-11-28T16:40:00.000-08:00

LET ME CLARIFY:

I did not say I was giving up the Clint Search. The Universe is fucking with me. I attempted to fuck back with it, but I don’t think this is going to work.

I don’t believe that I have sacrificed much (other than my sanity) in order to continue this search. It’s not like I put the band on hold. Musically, I am in a better position than I have been in a long time. I put a lot of hard work and effort into putting this band together and getting it to where it is now. And I plan to continue this and put as much work as possible into getting it to a better place. I don’t believe that the Clint Search hinders that.

Two weeks ago, a psychic reader told me that Clint would not be coming back for YEARS. That is what caused me to flip out and spurred all of this. What is essentially going on here, though, is confusion of communication due to Mercury’s retrograde motion (which will, thankfully, be over on the 4th of December). I can’t think straight, so I don’t know how I could possibly expect anyone else to understand what I am thinking.

We thought that if I attempted to move on to someone else, that would trigger Clint’s return. For the past week, I have obsessed over a different man (the product of an innocent flirtation that has been going on for several months). I finally got up the courage to make a step to move that forward…just in time to find out that he is leaving the country (or has already left at this point). So, once again, it just slips right through my hands.

I can’t have Clint. I can’t have anyone else. I do not understand why The Universe fucks with me in this way. MBM says: “it is because it has bigger plans for you.” I really wish I knew what that was. Because all I can think about right now is pounding my head into a wall…

2005-11-28T11:59:00.000-08:00

SONG 55...

THE WRONG MAN

I’m on a quest to find the wrong man
Someone completely incompatible
Someone who makes no sense at all

I’m on a quest to find the wrong man
Something that would never work
For better or for worse

Cause you won’t find something you don’t have…
You won’t find something you don’t have…
You won’t find something that you need…
‘Til you stop looking for that thing

**CHORUS**
And I…I’ve been looking for the right man
I’ve…been searching and searching
But that gets me no where fast
So I’m…gonna use reverse logic here
Maybe the wrong man will make…
The right one appear

I’m on a hunt for the wrong guy
Someone who is unsound
That I can’t stand to be around

I’m on a hunt for the wrong guy
Says all the wrong things
Gives me nothing that I need

I know I probably sound insane…
I know this plan just sounds insane…
I sound like I have lost my mind…
But it just might work this time

**Chorus**

Please let me down…
Please tell me lies…
Please frustrate me…
Please make me cry…

I’m on a quest to find the worst man I can find
Loves all the things I hate
Detests the things I like…

I’m on a quest to find the worst man I can find
The perfect jerk…the best mistake…
The perfect waste of time

Cause you won’t find something that you need…
‘Til you stop looking for that thing…
When you stop searching for what you want…
That’s when it hits you like a truck

**Chorus**

I'm looking for the wrong man...
I'm looking for the wrong man...

2005-11-22T17:49:00.000-08:00

CLINT UPDATE...

There are no updates...
There have been none for two weeks...since Mike (Clint's friend) called Carter and said that he is recently out of jail...

We are at a point where I fear the story is getting stagnant...
News trickles in so slowly...and great spaces of time pass by between it...
And every road seems to lead to a dead end because we really seem no better off than when we started...

For 379 days...I put all of my energy and all of my heart into this story...I was afraid to divide it anywhere along the way...

But where has that really gotten us? Are we really any closer now to finding Clint than we were the day we found Carter's Auto? The problem is: we don't have anything concrete right now. We need some concrete news...we need to be given some kind of timeframe. But we have nothing now...it could be 5 hours before he returns...it could be 5 days...5 weeks...5 months...5 years...the trouble is we don't know...can I really continue on this way and employ this same search strategy for the next 5 years? Until we have some concrete news, we are completely blind to the timeframe...

Perhaps, we're taking the wrong approach to this problem...for 379 days...I have spent all my energy here...but there is this theory that many times, things find you when you least expect them...when you stop searching for them...

Three synchronous events happened this week that again brought this issue up...

1) Mike the Transvestite--I was talking to him on the phone last Tuesday when he called Carter's while I was there. Mike, again, brought up the alligator in Hidden Valley...the one that was trapped in the lake. And all of these people were trying to catch it. And Mike said: "The thing is about the alligator...it knows people are looking for it. And that's why it's hiding. You watch...it's not going to come out until it thinks people have stopped pursuing it."

2) My conversation with Trishadee on Thursday night: She said: "Maybe you need to start spending your energy in other places. Maybe he will not come back until that happens. Until you stop looking. Things come around when we're not looking."

3) Tippy's "Cosmic Law of Dating"--States that if one were to begin dating the "wrong person," the "right person" would, inevitably come along. Most people, at that point, are too wrapped up in the "wrong person" to notice this and, inadvertantly, let the "right person" slip away. In my case, however, if Tippy's "Cosmic Law of Dating" were to hold true, dating someone other than Clint (the "wrong person") would force Clint to appear ("the right person").

Now, granted, the above three are all simply theory. But 379 days in, employing the same search strategy, where I give this my complete and total focus...has gotten us absolutely nowhere...

Could it really hurt to employ a different tactic...at least just to try it out for a period of time???

And that is where we are...we are now going to employ a different strategy where I am going to divide my attention...we're not giving up...we're still in contact with Carter daily...we're just simply looking at this from a new perspective...

It has already been done...it has begun...

2005-11-22T17:48:00.000-08:00

CRUSH

You've been watching the band play for weeks
Through the window, you've been watching me sing
About all the boys who broke my heart
And other broken things

It's time to go and we're packing up
And there's a good chance we're not coming back
I know you followed us outside
I could feel your eyes burn my back

And I can't breathe
And I can't speak
I don't know why
I'm like a moth
Under the lights
Everytime that I'm around you

I walk away
What should I say?
And you followed me
Out to the street
I'm torn now
I don't know what to do

**CHORUS**
You'll probably crush me
You'll probably crush me
But something in your eyes
Begs me be bold tonight
If you've had a crush on me
For as long as I think
Then something tells me
Take this risk tonight...

My mind's made up by the way that you stare
It's either this or live with regret
So, it's back to the space
Think of something to say
I'll figure out when I get there

My mouth is dry
Do I read you right?
You've been following me
Around all night
Could be my imagination
But I'm sensing there is more

You heard we're moving
To another place
And sad that you won't see my face
I can't believe
This is happening
Cause I feel the same way

**CHORUS**
You'll probably crush me
You'll probably crush me
But something in your eyes
Begs me be bold tonight
If you've had a crush on me
For as long as I think
Then something tells me
Take this risk tonight...

2005-11-22T17:46:00.000-08:00

SONG 54...
_________________________________________________________________________

FREE

Wake up in the morning and I think
This could be my lucky day
And I am unfamiliar
With living in this way

Almost let it go...last night…
Cause I don’t care
Almost let it go...last night…
Cause I don’t care

I could be anyone
And anywhere
I could be anything
You’re never there

I could let it go…tonight…
I might not care
If I let you go…tonight…
I might not care

**CHORUS**
Cause I am free…
I am free…
I am free tonight and I don’t care
I could go on…living in this hell
I could go on…living in this hell
Or I could accept whatever finds me
And just be free…
Just be free…

I thought I knew
The way that this should go
But the road ahead is blind
And there is more that I don’t know

I feel so good...tonight…
Cause I don’t care
It feels so good...tonight…
To just not care

**Chorus**

Just be free…
Just be free…

2005-11-16T10:50:00.000-08:00

I am hopeless and lost
I am hopelessly faithless
I am tortured and troubled and torn

And there is no one who cares
To share the pain with me
Because no one understands this anymore

I am manic and mad
And I slam my fists into the side of my head
Because it is either that or break the bones inside my hands

And in my broken soul
I realize I’m deluded
And I realize that he’s never coming back

He could be dead
He is as good as gone
And I should have known all this from the start

I am tortured; I am troubled
And I will exit this world
With this broken glass embedded in my heart

2005-11-15T13:18:00.000-08:00

CLINT UPDATE - Tuesday 11/15/05

There has really been no news in the last seven days. Everyone was very excited when Mike called Carter last Tuesday, but Carter hasn’t heard from him since. The man that he sent down to Carter’s for the repairs was a guy that Mike apparently met in jail, while he was in there. This particular guy was serving 17 months for unspecified reasons; Mike most likely served 6 months at the most. This guy also told Carter that Mike had been on house arrest for an unspecified period of time and it was unclear whether he was still on it or not. However, we do know that he was at the Courthouse last Tuesday afternoon, and Carter believes this was his probation hearing. If that is the case, he is most likely no longer on house arrest. Carter told Mike’s friend (who didn’t know any of the other friends of Mike’s that Carter knew, including Clint) to tell Mike that he needed some things from him and that he should come down to the garage as soon as he could. The guy promised that he would pass the message along to Mike.
It is for all of these reasons that Carter was convinced that Mike would come down to the shop either last week or this week. Carter feels that the time frame we are looking at now is days. However, it’s now been 7 days since Carter last heard from him. There is nothing more we can do but wait for Mike now, I suppose. Carter is sure that he will know where Clint is or at least know how to find him. I have had intuitions that something was going to happen this week.

Which brings me to this past Friday night. The band had played it’s first show at the Kibitz Room from 10:30-11:30. Around 11:45, Nate and Beth arrived back home to drop off my amp and guitars because there was really no place to leave them at the bar and we didn’t want to have to deal with them at the end of the night. It is then that they discovered that someone had bashed in my back car window (most likely with a baseball bat). Saturday evening, I spoke with Carter about this because I really didn’t know what to do about it. He said that he knew of a good glass company and that he could get a deal so we wouldn’t have to pay for labor. He said that he would call them Monday morning and I could bring the car in on Tuesday the 15th. Now, all of a sudden, I was going to be at Carter’s unexpectedly on a day that I had not planned on. I wondered to myself if just maybe that was the day that Clint and his friends would roll down there.

However, I was down there all morning and no one stopped by except for the Snap-On Tools guy. I do know that it was morning and probably much too early for Clint or any of his friends to be up, let alone out gallivanting around. However, I was still a little let down. We just need something to happen or some kind of news so badly. It’s only 1:13 in the afternoon here, so of course, I know the day is still young. But I did have an intuition about this day as well as Friday the 18th.

That’s all I know…

2005-11-08T16:10:00.000-08:00

BIG NEWS

Friends:

I had an intuition that something was about to break. I went to Carter’s yesterday and I said, “Something’s about to break. I can feel it. I think it’s going to break tomorrow” I thought it was going to break today on the 8th…and guess what???… it did…

I didn’t really have time to call Carter today because of various things that I had to take care of on my lunch break…basically, I didn’t want to call him and find that he had no news for me today…especially since I had the intuition that he would have some today…I didn’t want to find out that I was wrong…

But here’s the thing…today, I wasn’t…

I got back to my office and checked my phone and saw that I had one missed call…Carter’s Auto…and I knew that he wouldn’t call me unless something big had happened…

I checked the voice mail and there was a message from him…he said: “Debbie, it’s your dad. Call me back. I’ve got some news for you.”

So, I called him back. And he said, “Guess who called me today???”

Heart in my throat, I asked: “Who???”

“Mike,” he replied, “it looks like your intuition may have been right.”

“You’re kidding me…” I exclaimed. Mike is Clint’s best friend and the person we’ve been waiting to hear from. Other than Clint, himself, this is the best person that could have called Carter.

Long story short…Mike was at the Court House, taking care of some business, and so he couldn’t talk long to Carter and Carter couldn’t ask him many details. But Mike has been in jail…just like we had hoped (because that helps explain why he hasn’t been down at the shop)…but he’s out now and he’s on probation…the reason he was calling Carter from the Court House was because he had a friend he needed to send down to Carter’s today to do some work on his car. Carter had never met this guy before, but this guy knew Mike and Mike’s girlfriend, The Black Widow…Carter helped the guy fix his car this morning and told him that he needed Mike and his other friends to come down to the shop as soon as possible because there were things he needed to buy from them and business he needed to do with them. The guy told Carter he would see to it that Mike got the message and that Mike came down to the shop soon.

Carter is convinced that we are going to have more news in the next day or two. Now that Mike is out of jail, it will most likely spur he and the rest of the guys to come down to Carter’s again. Because the guys tend to roll with Mike. Mike being in jail for we don’t know how long likely explains why they have all been missing from the shop. But he is out now, and Carter says that when Mike goes away to jail for a period of time, it is only a matter of days after he gets out that he returns to the shop to see what is going on. He could be down there tomorrow…and he will likely come with friends. Clint, himself, might be down at that shop any day now…and my letter is patiently waiting there for him.

Any day now could be a very big day for www.findaclint.org

My breath is baited…

2005-11-04T12:17:00.000-08:00

TOMORROW

It was 52 Fridays ago. I was at a low place. My bedroom still felt like a hotel room and I wondered if it would ever feel like home. I missed everyone back in Boston and I had started to worry that I had made a big mistake by moving out to California. I didn’t sleep the night before because I couldn’t and I had a job interview that morning at 9AM at USC. Afterwards, I was in reasonably high spirits because it seemed like they were going to offer me the job. That and the fact that I was going to actually be playing out at a bar that night for the first time in California…just three songs to open up for Randy Todd…but it was still something…and at least the thought of it got my spirits out of the gutter.
So, I got home from the job interview around 10:45 and was compelled to walk. Had I forgotten the dream I had at the beginning of the week…that if I walked I would meet someone very important? No, I had not…but it was at the back of my mind right now.
I had some things to mail, so I headed to the post office. Outside, I chain-smoked and called my mom to tell her about the job interview. I don’t remember what else we talked about…I only remember that I told her I was reading Le Morte de Arthur.
Around noon, I finished the conversation with her, mailed the packages and headed West on Santa Monica Blvd. I had no destination.
I called Magda around 12:30 because I knew that the family she babysat for lived around that area and sometimes she would take the baby to one of the parks. I was hoping to meet up with her. I headed South on La Cienega…when she called me back…she told me that she was at the Pacific Design Center on Melrose…they were sitting outside if I wanted to come see them.
I probably arrived there around 1pm and spent a half hour or so before Addie got tired and cranky and Magda had to take her home. We parted ways and I went to the Beverly Center. I was probably there for about an hour before I got bored and left. At this point, I had been walking several miles and realized I hadn’t really eaten anything in several days. So, I stopped at the Whole Foods on 3rd Street and got some mashed potatoes, my favorite comfort food.
It is now about 3 pm when I leave Whole Foods. I am headed East on 3rd Street. The girl from USC calls me and invites me back for another interview the following week, which I accept. I am pretty happy at this moment. I come to Poinsettia Place and I think to myself: “Here you have come to a fork in the road. You haven’t slept in over 24 hours. And you have just walked 3 hours. You can go home and rest before the show. Or you can pass Poinsettia Place and keep walking. Which will you choose? And where are you going?”
Well, I didn’t know where I was going, but I chose to keep walking. I headed North on La Brea. I came to Melrose and again I thought: “You can go home now, but you should probably keep walking.”
It is now about 4:00. I am still headed North on La Brea and just North of Santa Monica, Tippy calls me. He is ranting. He is very upset about George Bush’s election three days earlier. He is going to run for mayor of LA when he finally gets out here and then Governor of California and then President. He has had it. I don’t really remember everything we talked about. But we were on the phone for nearly 2 hours. It was something about Jimmy Carter and peanuts…and something about putting a high speed train down the center of the 101 and up the 5 so people could travel quickly between the major cities in California without having to drive.
We talked and talked about nothing and everything and I just kept walking. I was drinking red Gatorade at that point. I made a right and headed East on Hollywood Blvd. down the Walk of Stars. When I came to the end of it, I turned around and came back on the North side of the street. I remember I was looking for Cher’s star for Tippy, but I couldn’t find it. I finally came back around to La Brea and turned left. We were still on the phone. When I got to Sunset, it was about 5:30. I don’t know why I didn’t just go home at that point…but there is a timing to all of these events and I had to hit that street corner at exactly the right moment and that moment had not yet come…I didn’t know all of this at the time, but that is most likely the reason for this detour…I had been out all day and I had the show in a few hours…But there is a Ross on the corner of Sunset and La Brea and I went in. I was still on the phone with Tippy at that point. Finally, he said that he had to get off the phone with me and call his sister. And so he did. I spent another 15 or so minutes in the store and then left. It is almost 6pm.
I am heading South down La Brea. And I am smoking a cigarette. I am almost at the corner of La Brea and Santa Monica and I put it out. I am on the left (East) side of the street and I remember that the walk signal is on and I can cross Santa Monica at this point. But for some reason…I don’t…
And I turn and I face the opposite side of La Brea and I wait to cross La Brea instead. Finally, the signal says walk…and I so I do…and I remember that as I came to the other side of the street, I went to push the walk button so I could cross Santa Monica…and out of the corner of my eye…I see him…
And he says to someone who’s face I will never remember: “I’m going to go and try to talk to her.”
I remember hearing this…only at the time, I didn’t know that whoever this person was…meant me…
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him walk the 15 steps over to where I am standing. “Do you have another cigarette?” he asks me. So, he’s been watching me because I put that cigarette out several minutes ago. “Yes,” I reply and I give it to him. And I don’t remember if he lit it himself or if I lit it for him…but I remember he put his right arm up against the lamp post and just smiled at me…
And the signal said “walk” but I stood there with him and we talked…and then it said “wait”
And I didn’t know if it meant to wait WITH him or to wait FOR him…and in the end, after he had told me I was beautiful three times…and there is an awkward pause as he looks me up and down smiling…I decide that it means to wait FOR him…and so I walk away…

And the rest of the story you know…
That was 52 Fridays ago…364 days ago…

Tomorrow is November 5th…that is the one year anniversary…
And I will walk the exact same route…And I will wear the same clothes…and I will eat and drink the same things…and I will go to the same places…
And I will call Tippy at the time we spoke…

They say that there are levels of existence and they are staggered and they are stacked up one on top of the others…this is one theory as to how time travel is possible…that if one were somehow able to find a way to slip through into one of these other dimensions…they would be able to visit that very day but in a different year. Regardless of whether you believe in this or not, a year is a period of time that is very significant to people. That is why anniversaries and birthdays bring up memories and ghosts from the past.
Will a trace of him be standing on that street corner at 6pm tomorrow night???

I don’t know.

Will there be any meaning in my walking tomorrow at all???

I don’t know.

When will I see him again???

I don’t know.

2005-11-03T17:23:00.000-08:00

CONFESSION

I border between hope and despair. I know that on this night one year ago, I was closer to despair than to hope. Little did I know that less than 48 hours later, I would experience a profound event that would give me back a great deal of my hope and forever change the way I viewed the world.
But, for whatever reason, I would walk away from it…and then spend the next year of my life, again somewhere between hope and despair, trying to get back what I carelessly left behind on that busy street corner.

If this thing is returned to me, I know, without a doubt, that I will not regret a single moment or a single breath I have taken this past year. And I will know that all things happen for a reason.

But that is then and now is now and here I sit in this empty movie theatre alone, awaiting a movie I am told I could have written myself. Because, in some ways, it supposedly parallels my own story.

I have always wished to believe that there is goodness in this life. And so I have always hoped to believe this thing will one day be returned to me and I have not wasted what is promised to be a great opportunity in my life.

But, often, in these last few days, I find myself edging closer and closer to the darkest places I know…where all of my hope is near gone and my life force wanes. Here, I find myself almost completely overcome by despair. And still, somewhere, in the deepest place in my soul…I hope. Because I know that the Laws of Time are not mine to own…or to even know sometimes.
And because I also know that there is a cyclical element to both nature and time. The sun has almost returned to the place it was that fateful night and the seed I planted…at that small auto shop in Van Nuys, CA…a seed of hopeful searching…has been in gestation for 286 days and nights…the appropriate 9 ½ months that some things take from conception to birth.

Though when we parted ways 362 days ago…that man who looked into my eyes and told me that I was beautiful…that man who I know I knew from somewhere though until that night, had never laid eyes on before in this life…though that man may not have understood that we would meet again…somewhere, in my heart, I knew…

But then, somewhere in his soul...consciously or unconsciously…maybe he knew this as well. I hope that someday soon, I will have the opportunity to sit with him and find out.

I don’t know why I have been so compelled to find him again…I only know that I have. And I only know that our conversation was far from finished that night…and there were things still left to say.

And so now, I sit here in this empty movie theatre alone. Because it is either this or go home, overcome by despair, and cry alone in my bedroom until, exhausted, I drift asleep.

I border somewhere between hope and despair. I don’t know which is strongest tonight. Maybe it is despair. Maybe after this movie it will be hope.

Maybe those two forces, which are really only two ends of the same spectrum, will be equal.

The lights dim…and I wish for hope…

2005-11-02T16:02:00.000-08:00

MORE TALES FROM CARTER'S AUTO

1) “Locksmith Eddie”—locksmith—5 feet tall and 5 feet wide—Carter says: “he’s a nice man, but he can barely reach the pedals because his stomach is so large.” This is apparently why he has wrecked many cars. Very good at playing darts and frequents bars in North Hollywood and Van Nuys where he challenges other patrons to a game of darts.

2) “Fast Eddie”—alcoholic—his wife apparently frequently buys him tickets to New York City so that he can make money there repairing cars—most likely, she does this to be rid of him for a few months at a time—According to Carter, “Fast Eddie” is a con-artist. Only drives while drunk and never drives his own car because all of his cars have been impounded. Once “blacked out” while driving and woke up in a NYC jail. Didn’t know how he got there. Spent 20 nights in jail where he apparently read many books on architecture.

3) “Coked-Out Katie”—hooker—“Sheri” is her “street-walking” name. Several summers ago when it was over 100 degrees in The Valley, she would pass out and sleep several hours in the baking sun in a car with all the windows rolled up out front Carter’s Auto. This is where Elliot, part-owner of Sepulveda Auto Body, first saw her and became enamored by her.

4) Elliot—as mentioned previously, along with “Kojak,” part-owner of Sepulveda Auto Body. Asked “Coked-Out Katie” to move into his mansion in Santa Clarita with him. She agreed to this as long as her “hooker friends” could also move in with them. Used to charge Elliot $50 for a blow-job. According to Carter, “they had a better relationship when he was paying her.” When she moved in with Elliot, she told him: “I don’t like to get involved. I just like to get high and date other men.” He told her: “That’s okay by me as long as you agree to live with me.”

5) Richard (aka “Kojak”)—nick-named Kojak because he looks like the television actor Telly Sevalas--part-owner of Sepulveda Auto Body. Is in his early 60s and has already had three open-heart surgeries. According to Carter: “he’s probably also bi-polar.” Carter says: “Kojak will probably die one day screaming and carrying on in the shop’s driveway.” Kojak’s doctor comes to see him because Kojak refuses to drive his Jaguar anywhere “because it might get dented in by somebody.” The doctor told him not to exercise and to keep your stress levels down lest you have another heart attack.” Carter says: “Kojak can’t even run to answer the phone.” Did not speak to Carter for 12 years due to an argument they had because Carter was parking his car in front of Kojak’s shop.

6) Angie—she is the ring-leader of all of the “street-walkers” on that stretch of Sepulveda. According to Carter: “all of the girls and many men are in fear of Angie because she beats them all up.” Exclusively dates men convicted of Murder I or Murder II. Currently in the state penitentiary in Coachella where she has apparently recently “found the Lord.”

7) “Shoeless Kim”—one of Angie’s “street-walkers.” Once changed clothing in the bathroom at Carter’s shop. While she was changing, Carter’s watchdog Bucky stole Kim’s shoes and buried them behind one of the cars in the auto yard. Dates a man that Carter knows named Kenny, who is the “laughing stock” of the garage because he has apparently “done things with ‘Shoeless Kim’ that you are never supposed to do with a hooker.” “Shoeless Kim” is also now in the state penitentiary in Coachella.

8) “Laughing-Stock Kenny”—According to Carter: “He’s a nice man, but in love with “Shoeless Kim,” who really takes advantage of him.” Kenny is still seeing Kim even though she is in the State Pen. He sends her letters and money at least once a week. Kenny also has a heroin problem and owes Carter a lot of money for car repairs. Told Carter he didn’t have the money at that time, but he was spotted at the bar Liquid Zoo on Sepulveda by both Willie and Fast Eddie pulling handfuls of $20 bills out of his pockets.

9) “Under-Handed Kenny”—“sneaky”—according to Carter: “you can’t trust him any further than you can throw him.” Puts ads in the LA Press stating that he has a room for rent. Gets young girls to move in with him and then tries to start relationships with them. Carter believes “Under-Handed Kenny” needs to be “polite pick-pocketed.”

10) “Kenny B”—works at Universal Studios as an accountant. Likes to fix cars and sometimes comes down to Carter’s to work on them. According to Carter: “he looks just like a detective.” Always wears sunglasses and many people believe he may work undercover for the LAPD, though Carter knows this is not the case. Has one son named Garrett.

11) Garrett—Kenny B’s 18-year-old son. Likes to steal cars, drink, and smoke pot—all activities which Kenny B enthusiastically condones. Is dating a 35-year-old woman named Rhonda and totaled her brand new Mustang a few months ago while they were driving to Vegas.

12) Rhonda—35 years old. Her ex-husband is allegedly in the porno industry. Met Garrett while she was at the local roller rink with her 12-year-old son and 10-year-old daughter. According to Carter: “Garrett enjoys playing games with Rhonda’s children since they are closer to his age than she is.” Rhonda is also friends with a woman Carter knows named Kathy.

13) Kathy—crazy—is practically stalking Carter at the present time. Carter used to like her and she only started liking him after he stopped pursuing her. Often calls Carter while she is in the shower to describe the experience to him. He tries to avoid her at all costs because “she is crazy and too much to handle.”

14) “Big Dick”—received this nickname because “everything is about Dick,” according to Carter and Eddie. Only talks about himself and will do everything within his power to steer the conversation back around to him. Throws good parties. Married to a professional tennis player who is 30 years younger than him.

15) “Tiger”—pimp—drives a big purple Cadillac—according to Carter: “Tiger is currently ‘on vacation,'” meaning he is in the State Pen. One of his “girls” is named “Special K.”

16) “Special K”—works for “Tiger”—according to Carter: “Special K really likes to hit the pipe.” While high, she will often remove all of her clothing and sit out in the driveway in front of the auto shops. Looks like Jane Mansfield. Carter apparently used “Special K” to get back at “Underhanded Kenny.” He told “Underhanded Kenny” that he had a girl who really wanted to date him and that he could pick her up on the corner of Sepulveda and Saticoy. When he arrived there, “Special K” was waiting for him. She then swindled him out of a lot of money.

2005-10-28T13:43:00.000-07:00

DAYS...

Today is Friday October 28th. It is 357 days since 11/5/04, the night of the initial meeting with Clint as well as my first performance in Los Angeles.

For 58 days, there was very little searching done. We simply hoped that I would “randomly” run into Clint again somewhere. I believed that perhaps, a few songs needed to be written. 10 songs were written during that time.

58 days later, the calls began the week of 1/3/05. Calls were made for 13 business days before Carter’s Auto was found.

Carter’s was found on 1/19/05, the day that Beth first talked to Willie at the shop.

The following morning, 1/20/05, I spoke to Carter, told him brief parts of the story and left my number there. This is the day that the “seed” was planted.

That was 281 days ago.

3/17/05 marks the last day that Clint was seen at the shop. That was 132 days after our initial meeting and 57 days after we found Carter’s shop.

3/18/05 marks the day that my letter was taken to Carter’s. That is 58 days after Carter’s is found. Clint, of course, has not received the letter because he has not been to the shop since.

Today, it has been 225 days since Clint’s disappearance. It has been 224 days since my letter was taken to the shop (this is equal to one transit of Venus around the sun).

Today, it is 282 days since Carter’s was found. It is 281 days since I planted the “seed” at the garage. I “planted” the idea that someone was looking for Clint. Within the universal laws of time, we know that some ideas take 9 months from their time of conception to their full reality. The average woman carries a child for 9 ½ months, or 288 days, from conception to birth.

A tri-mester is equal to 96 days. Going with the pregnancy analogy, if conception occurred on 1/20/05, when the idea was planted, the last tri-mester would occur from 8/2/05-11/5/05 (the one-year anniversary of our initial meeting). Coincidentally, this is also the time period that I have spent getting to know Carter, who has become a surrogate father to me in that time.

The astrological correspondence to events that are occurring in the universe right now:

“The mechanics of emotion become evident now.”

Coincidental???

2005-10-26T15:47:00.000-07:00

WEDNESDAY

Carter had no news for me today...though he did add that the day is still early...

He told me that it was "simply just a boring day down at the office"

I told him that sometimes, it is when you are having a completely boring day...that something comes along to knock the wind right out of you...you never know who could wander down to the garage in the next hour...of course, it may just be the subtlety of Neptune's Station Direct with the overtness of Jupiter changing signs...and that won't happen for another hour and a half...

Carter is now interested in astrology after our conversation today and he would like me to make his chart for him...I told him about the chart I did for the day that Clint and I met and how if I had seen that chart beforehand, I would have never walked away from that man...he says that he believes there has to be something to that...I also told him that there are a lot of things that are going on in the universe right now that started with the Lunar Eclipse of last Monday that just make it seem "right" that this is the time he should return...

Carter said that he believes that Clint and I should see "Elizabethtown" together...he also mentioned that he wondered if Clint was going to roll down there next Tuesday when I am working on the other axel...Nov. 1st...El Dia De Los Muertes...and one day after Samhain...when we will have done the ritual...Samhain marks the beginning of our new year...we met around the new year last year, so it seems "fitting" we should remeet around another new year...I do think it could be this week, but that day seems just as likely...we are still going to be feeling the reverberations of all of this planetary activity until mid November...however, it would seem like all of this should be resolved sooner than then...Venus will move into Capricorn on November 5th...it's not a very friendly placement...The big thing, however, is that Mercury will Station Retrograde on the 13th...and retrogrades have brought me nothing but trouble...Craig was met during one/Shane Curry was met during one/Charlie was met during one...But the biggest thing will be on November 21st when the Sun enters Sagittarius and then the following day when Saturn Stations Retrograde...there is a need for this to be resolved by then...

Any day could be the day...

You can never expect...what the day will bring before the sun has set...

Find Clint. Find Peace.

2005-10-24T15:36:00.000-07:00

SYNCHRONICITY??

We know that there is synchronicity within the universe…and I think it signals changes…in this case, hopefully good ones…

I talked to Carter today and our conversation was very nice…though I started to cry near the end of it…not for bad reasons but because I was just moved to do so by what he said…

He told me that he saw the movie “Elizabethtown” over the weekend and he told me that I could have written this movie myself. Apparently, the story of these two people, though not exactly like Clint and I, is very similar in some ways. But he told me that I might not be able to see this movie right now because it “might hit way too close to home.” Long story short, these people meet in a random chance kind of situation like Clint and I…and then she goes to great lengths in order to see him again. And of course, there is the “Hollywood ending” and everything turns out perfectly in the end. And Carter said to me: “this is the perfect kind of ending that we’ll have with your story.” And I said: “Well, I hope that our story has a good ending.” And he said: “You know…I just know that it will and everyone will be very happy with it.”

And I don’t really know why this affected me so much…but he told me that he just didn’t think that it was coincidental that this movie should come out at this time. With all that’s going on in our story…

So, it is possible that so much synchronicity signals the change that we have been waiting for a very long time…

He also brought up the fact that it was around this time last year that I first met Clint…And I said: “Well it just seems like he should be coming back around this time…since this is when I met him…it was a Friday and I remember almost every detail of that day…”

And he said: “Well you know…there’s just something about the end of October and the month of November…it’s just always a very good time around the shop…maybe it’s because the weather’s just so nice…but it’s just always a very good time here…"

So, I guess I must remain hopeful…even though it’s hard…

There are a lot of synchronous events occurring…and I’ve just got to believe that means something…

2005-10-24T11:17:00.000-07:00

SONG 53...
_____________________________________________________________________

HOMECOMING DAY

Tomorrow is the day
Four words that will one day be true
You are so beautiful
Four words that sound empty except from you

I’ve rehearsed this in my mind
Can I buy you a drink and an hour of your time?
One drink turns into four or five
And an hour turns into the rest of our lives

Cause this is the day
That will knock the wind right out of you
This is the day
That we’ve waited for and now it’s true

Oh…oh…I guess it’s Homecoming Day
Oh…oh…I guess it’s Homecoming Day

So much to say to you
And I want to be sure that I get it just right
You have no idea how far I’ve come
Just so I could sit here tonight

This is the day
You were blinded by but could always feel
This is the day
We have dreamed about but now it’s real

**CHORUS**
Oh…oh…I guess it’s Homecoming Day
Oh…oh…I guess it’s Homecoming Day
There are things I remember…
And things I regret
There’s a corner in Hollywood
That we can’t forget
There’s a light I’ve kept burning
So you’d find your way back safe…
On Homecoming Day

I am rich in many ways
I am rich in many ways
But there is one thing that I need
You’re the one thing that I need

The gentle urging of my heart
That I have more to say to you
I have no idea what that is
But I trust when I see you the words will come through

Cause this is the day
We have waited for all our lives
This is the day
We have waited for…so act surprised

**Chorus**

Oh...oh...I guess it's Homecoming Day
Oh...oh...I guess it's Homecoming Day

2005-10-19T12:29:00.000-07:00

DEBBIE DREAMED SOME NUMBERS...

As you know, I believe in the significance of numbers. I have dreamed many of them throughout the course of this ordeal. And I know that they all hold some type of significance. I’m just not sure what kind. However, there is one set of numbers that has stuck with me indefinitely. On the night of 7/19/05, I dreamed of Clint. I dreamed that I was out walking and it was a sunny day. I looked at my cell phone to see that I had one missed call. I remember clearly that on the phone, it said 12:32. I listened to the voice message: “Hello, Debbie. It’s Clint. I was just down at Carter’s and he gave me the things that you left there for me. Listen, I think it’s about time that we met again and were introduced properly, my new best friend. Please call me. I really want to see you.”
I woke up with a jolt from this dream and I KNEW that there was significance to it. And I KNEW that there was significance to the number 12:32 or 12-3-2 or 1-2-3-2. I didn’t know what it was...if it was a combination or something, but that number has stuck with me over these past 3 months. This day, Venus is at 12°32” Sagittarius. The significance of that cannot be lost on me. Especially, since this is also a measure of time.

There is one other thing that is not lost on me about this day. There is one other number that I clearly remember dreaming and that is 272. I remember that I dreamt Clint would return around the time when the days were equal to 272. This would have been around the first week of August or so and also when I initially started visiting the garage. I thought that the timing was right then…and Clint would wander down there while I was having lunch with Carter one day. The 9 of cups card from the tarot deck kept coming up…and cups are equal to months…I thought there was some significance there that I couldn’t quite put my finger on…something about 9 months…and giving birth…

It is true that there is a law within the cycles of the universe that some ideas take 9 months from their conception to be fully realized. And so I thought it would be then…back in August…but August came and went…and so did September…

I had always believed that the 9 month waiting period would start from the day I met Clint on the street corner, but what if it really started from the day we finally tracked him down at the right garage?

There is something else not lost on me…9 months…272 days ago, we found Carter’s Auto and I first spoke with Carter on the phone and told him my story…and he told me that he was pretty sure he knew the man I was looking for…that was 9 months ago…though the details were blurry then and my messages were not relayed to Clint properly…Carter didn’t know then the full story and what a huge part of his life this was all about to become…that was 272 days ago…

And so we’ve been in contact with Carter for 9 months…that is the number of wish fulfillment and celebration…

Clint’s been missing from Carter’s garage for 7 months…and that is the number of patience…

The average woman carries a baby to full-term for 288 days…if today is the 272nd since the idea of us locating Clint through Carter was first conceived, there are 16 days left in this term…

And coincidentally, if you add 16 days to the 272 that have already passed, you will come to the one-year anniversary of the night I met Clint…ironic, huh?

But I dreamed 272 and 12:32 for some reason…and sometimes deliveries come early...

If I am correct about all of this…someone might want to get the champagne ready…

2005-10-19T10:51:00.000-07:00

SONG 52...now, I have a year's worth of songs...that's got to be worth something...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
PAINFULLY BEAUTIFUL

There is a pattern
I’ve been watching in the sky for days
Flirting with the hangman
Who’s laughing cause he loves to watch me wait
Thought I could bribe him
If I played it smart and cool
But the thing about the hangman—
Is he is making all the rules

Now, I’ve been hanging…
And I’ve been swinging
And he’s been taunting me
Then a flash in the sky…
And I see his knife
He’s come to cut me from this tree

**CHORUS**
I hope I fall…
I hope I fall so hard
I hope I break some bones
And my body’s jarred
I hope I fall…
And when I come around
I’ll find the whole damn time
You were on the ground
Below my feet…
And then I’ll know
That hanging from his noose
Was not so bad…
It was painfully beautiful

There is a full moon
Setting in the west
I’ve been watching it
Night after night without rest
Talking to the hangman…
Pleading for his sympathy
But the thing about the hangman—
Is he alone knows when to set me free

Now, I’ve got rope burns…
Around my neck
They’re getting deeper by the day
I see him approaching…
He’s loosening the knots
Something’s about to break

**Chorus**

It’s not for me…to decide
Cause this lifetime is not mine alone
It’s not for me…to decide
Cause the laws of time are not mine to know
It will be worth the wait
When the rope is frayed and about to break
It will be worth the wait
When I finally see…
You were beneath the tree...

I have waited…
Agitated
And he’s been mocking me
Then lightening flashes…
And I see the slashes
As his knife cuts me free

**Chorus**

I hope I fall...
I hope I fall...
I hope I fall so hard from this tree
I hope I fall...
I hope I fall...
And when I finally fall
I will find that you're
Below my feet
And then I'll know
That hanging from his noose
Was not so bad...
It was painfully beautiful

2005-10-18T12:39:00.000-07:00

CLINT SEARCH UPDATE...

As many now know, Borden did not, in fact, turn out to be the Clint that I met on the street, disputing Tippy’s theory in the “trinity,” where all three Clint’s (“street Clint,” “camera Clint,” and “auto shop Clint” were one in the same). However, I spent a very nice night with Borden, who asked me if he could be the movie. I told him, “Oh course, you already are.” I don’t yet know what his full role in this story will be. I suppose that will come later. But it is IMPERATIVE that we find the right Clint.

However, we believe, almost beyond a shadow of a doubt that “street Clint” and “auto shop Clint” are the same person. And it is simply just a matter of time before Clint returns to Carter’s shop. The waiting is frustrating, but it seems like the thing we have to do right now.

On Friday night, Beth and I were still wondering about this whole Borden situation. Clearly, physically, this man does not meet the description of the Clint I met…nor does he meet the description of the “Clint” Thomas described to us that night. Which led us to wonder: when Thomas said the name “Borden” did Beth hear him wrong? I will admit: I never heard the name at all. I didn’t hear what he said. But then she repeated “Borden” and that’s what I heard. But we must take into account that Thomas has a very thick Norwegian accent. And another name could easily sound like “Borden,” with such an accent. Beth latched onto the name “Borden” because it’s a name familiar to this story. However, we met Borden and he looks nothing like the man Thomas described and nothing like the Clint I met. Not only that, but Borden doesn’t know Thomas and has never been to the shop before. The “Clint” Thomas described had been to his shop frequently in the past, though he hadn’t seen him in over a year he thought. Also, Borden lives on the southeast side of Lankershim. And Thomas said the Clint he knew lived on the other side…and he pointed to the northwest…that would be closer to the Sherman Oaks/Van Nuys area where we think our Clint is located anyway.

Is it possible that Beth heard Thomas wrong? Something that sounded like “Borden” could easily be: Morgan, Borgen, Boren…with a thick accent…

So, we decided to look into this…and lo and behold, in the area there is Clint Borgen, a Clint Boren, and a Clint Born, as well as a Clint Morgan (but he lives much further north). Clint J. Borgen is about 29 years old. His name is identical to Clint J. Borden’s, with the exception of one letter. His last known address is in Riverside, but that was about 7 or 8 years ago. This could easily be a man who lived in Riverside when he first moved here, moved to Van Nuys a few years later, met Mike, and started running around with him, doing deals and occasionally fixing cars at Carter’s about 4 years ago, which is when Carter originally remembers meeting him. However, I don’t know how to locate this man since the listing is so old.

So, we decided to drive down to the Black Broom again on Saturday and see if I could ask Thomas some more questions about this Clint he knows. I was going to tell him that I had met Borden and he was not the right guy, nor did he seem to be the one that Thomas had described. But maybe Thomas would correct us with a different name. Maybe he would have more information. But when we got to the shop on Saturday afternoon, it was closed. The store had apparently been vandalized and the front of it was all boarded up. There was nothing wrong with the store on Thursday when Beth and Kent drove by it; this must have happened in the last day or so. So, now there is no way to talk to Thomas about the situation. I went home and emailed him, but he hasn’t responded back to me…likely, due to the fact that he is probably dealing with all kinds of shit related to the vandalism of his store.

So, once again, when we are very close to having information of any kind, it slips away at the last moment. Just when we are about to have the crucial information that we need, it slips away…like the day in March when my letter finally went down to Carter’s but yet the day before was the last day that Clint was seen in the shop…or when Rachel was in contact with Bill from Tennessee and it seemed like we were just moments away from locating someone who knew Clint’s phone number or address here and then all of a sudden, Bill moved without a trace and no one has any idea where he’s gone…or now this…where Thomas may very well know the man we are looking for and have crucial information for us, but the shop is broken into and now I can’t get a hold of him…

Yesterday, while I was at the garage, I mentioned all of this to Carter. I told him: “I do all of this searching and follow all of these leads because I have to…because it’s all I can do right now. Otherwise, I would sit in my house and go mad because we go so many days with absolutely no news. I follow them because it makes me feel that at least I’m doing something and it keeps me busy. But I have this feeling that none of my searching and research will actually find him. He will be found the day he gets off his ass and saunters down to your shop.”

And Carter agreed. He said, “It will be just like him. He’ll just wander in here one afternoon like nothing’s happened. Like he hasn’t been gone for 7 months. And I’ll say, ‘Clint, where in the hell have you been?’ and he’ll say, ‘Oh, I don’t know…doing stuff…around…’ And it will be just like Clint.”

This makes me think that this is not that unusual for Clint. Yes, maybe it has been an extra-long time that he has been missing this time, but he does this. And he returns as though nothing has happened.

At this point, I begin to think that maybe there is some kind of “timing” to all of this that I simply have not been able to figure out. Because up until this point, all of my efforts to locate this man (other than actually finding Carter’s garage) have been thwarted. So, I suppose I must resign my self to the Law of Timing. I say that now…I know…tomorrow, I may be going out of my mind again…

But I think to myself…I think back to the very beginning of this story when I laid eyes on him on that street corner and he smiled at me…and his face is burned forever in my mind…and I remember as I walked away (for unexplainable reasons), I KNEW that I would see him again…I KNEW with every bit of my soul that I would see that man again…and so I told myself it would be okay…little did I know that it would be close to a year later and I would still be sitting here writing these same damn words…but I KNEW it then and I suppose there is nothing that should prevent me from KNOWING it now…I will see this man again…just please let it be soon…

2005-10-18T11:40:00.000-07:00

SONG 51...I guess there were still things left to say...
_____________________________________________________________________

COMPULSION OF MY HEART

I was ready to roll…but it was likely
A conversation that ended too quickly
At a loss for more words, you paused awkwardly
And your pause kind of scared me…
Yeah, you kind of scared me…

Now, I’m walking alone on the same street
I’ve had more than enough time to think
But nothing prepares me for the moment
That moment is blind

**CHORUS**
And I know there was a reason to walk away…
At the time, but now I know
There are things still left to say
So, I will follow you high
I will follow you far
I will follow wherever you are
Cause I must follow
The compulsion of my heart

I could leave it alone…it might be easier
Choose never to know…but then I’d wonder
Who is this man who could affect me
To the point I can’t speak?

**Chorus**

My sleep…is broken by the saturation
Of that moment I let slip away
My peace…is broken by the sad reflection
Of you as you watched me walk away
Now, my days are spent…
Searching for the scattered pieces
Of this puzzle so that I can
Put them back together just for you…

I cannot explain the urgency
Won’t stop for anything short of an emergency
I can’t imagine the moment of recovery
When I fix my eyes on you

And I know…there was a reason to walk away
At the time, but now I know…
There are things still left to say
So, I will follow above
I will follow below
I will follow wherever you go
I…I will follow you high
I will follow you far
I will follow wherever you are
Cause I must follow
The compulsion of my heart…

I will follow you high
I will follow you far…

2005-10-13T12:40:00.000-07:00

BORDEN AND HIS CUPCAKES

Borden asked me, "So, did you leave cupcakes at my house?"

"Cupcakes? That's strange," I exclaimed.

"Yeah, well, someone left me cupcakes on my truck."

"Wow, you must have a lot of admirers," I replied.

"Yeah, I guess," he laughed. "It's just a little strange. I thought you did it."

"Cupcakes, huh..." I said.

"Yeah, huh..." he laughed.

"They were real good. I ate them all. A real nice treat," (he was most likely stoned at the time)

"Well that's good," I replied. "I'll confess...I did it."

"I thought so, that was nice of you..."

2005-10-13T12:18:00.000-07:00

AN URGENT MESSAGE FROM THE PRESIDENT OF www.findaclint.org

My dearest friends at www.findaclint.org:

Well, the drive-by cup-caking apparently worked. Not only did this story become Cutter’s favorite so far in “Finding Clint,” it prompted the phone call that we were hoping for. After several days of phone tag, Clint Borden and I spoke for the first time last night. Granted, at the time, he was stoned (as would be expected), there are details of his story that still just don’t add up, as are there details of Carter’s story that don’t add up. But yet, somewhere, the real Clint exists. And I have considered this point long and hard: there is not one single person in this entire story who knows ALL of the details; not even me.

There is a reason that I dreamed Borden’s name back in January. There is a reason that we have returned to this man THREE times in this story. Borden doesn’t remember his car breaking down, but we must remember it was a year ago and who knows…maybe it wasn’t even his car (I remember that Clint was with someone else that night…I could see him out of the corner of my eye). On the phone, Borden told me: “who the hell knows? I totalled a car. I don’t know when that was. Several months ago?” Borden also claims to not know the store that I am talking about that Thomas owns. But that may be my fault in that I made the mistake of calling it “The Black Broom.” Thomas said that Borden hasn’t really been there since it was called “Raven’s Flight,” over a year ago and the night I met Clint on the street, he told me “I’ve been to this place…’Raven something or other’ on Vineland.”

But Thomas knows Clint Borden and Thomas knows me. Borden claims that he can’t remember who Thomas is…but we, again, must remember that he was stoned when I was talking to him and he confessed: “look, I know a lot of people…most of them I can never remember their names.” And if there is anyone in this story I would trust their intuitions and information almost whole-heartedly, it is Thomas, one of the most amazingly in-tune and spiritual men I have ever met. Borden remarked: “I’m not sure who he is, but what…is he cupid or something?”

I could say: “Fuck it. It’s not the guy. I’m not going to meet him.” But then I remember that there are so many holes in everybody’s stories. All of the information we have gathered over the past year is a mish mash of bits and pieces of stories coming from different people with different perceptions of time, different perceptions of the way the world works, and different ways of perceiving things. There is a good chance this IS the guy. If we had the missing puzzle pieces, we would be able to explain how that is possible and how they all fit together. But we don’t have those pieces yet. Perhaps, after tonight, we will…

Borden says to me: “What are you doing tomorrow night?” “Nothing,” I reply. “Excellent,” he says.

So we agree to meet. I wrote a song on Monday night; the lyrics are: “We could meet at 8:14 Somewhere on Magnolia Street.” Borden picked the place over the phone last night. Guess where? Magnolia Street. Guess when? Between 8-8:30.

I say to him, “How will you know what I look like? I should know what you look like, but how will you know me?”

Borden says: “I will know. Don’t worry. I will know you.” “Well, I stand out in a crowd,” I say. Again he replies: “Excellent.”

So, now I have to go. I wake up in a stark panic this morning. I can’t go. It’s not him. There is no way this could be the Clint I met almost a year ago on the street corner.

But I read the tarot this morning and the cards tell me:
1) What will this day bring?
--5 of cups—the return of a soul mate, good news

2) What is the energy of this day?
--The Sun—great happiness, joy, and optimism

3) Is Clint Borden the Clint I met on the street corner?
--10 of cups—great joy, completion, attaining one’s heart’s desire, one who has remained steadfast in love and come through much misfortune to find happiness

4) Who is Clint Borden?
--9 of cups—a wish has come true
--Page of Pentacles—one who delivers a message

5) What do I need to do today?
--3 of cups—celebrate, joy, problem solved, a satisfactory result

So, you see, I must go tonight…

My friends, is it really possible that after 342 days…almost 49 weeks and 50 songs, our journey could end here tonight…and a new one begin? Is that possible? The way the stars have aligned say it IS possible…at least within the next week and a half…and given that Borden was born on April 2nd, only 7 days after me, the stars are affecting him in similar ways…

What will I say and do if it is not him?

What will I say and do if it is him?

I can’t tell you those things now…tomorrow I will be able to but not right now…and who knows? Beth may start calling the phone tree tonight…then you will know for sure…

Find Clint. Find Peace.

2005-10-11T12:35:00.000-07:00

SONG 50...at this point, we've got to be getting close...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(YOU NEVER KNOW) UNTIL YOU KNOW

At the foot of the mountain
A crisp day in autumn
I don’t know how…but it feels like we
Could solve this mystery

The stream has been backed up
The dam has been stacked up
Suddenly…something breaks
And the water flows free…without apology

And if you knew the reason
You would lose most of the meaning
I don’t know why…
But I sense a change
I can feel it in my bones
And you never know…
Until you know

I can’t explain it
Sometimes, it feels like a train wreck
And I didn’t think I could be
More confused than I already am

Is it true what they sometimes say?
All roads lead the same damn place
I could make an honest mistake
But I don’t believe in random chance

And if you knew where this was heading
You would lose the beauty in the ending
I don’t know why…
But I sense a change
I can feel it in my bones
And you never know…
Until you know

You never know…
Until you go…

We could meet at 8:14
Somewhere on Magnolia Street
And if it seemed appropriate
I could tell you what I meant for you to hear
When we met “accidentally” last year

And it should not seem surprising
It was all about the timing
I don’t know why…
But I sense a change
I can feel it in my bones
And you never know…
Until you go…

No, you never know…
Until you know

2005-10-10T12:24:00.000-07:00

CUPCAKES FOR BORDEN

Who doesn’t like cupcakes??

Beth says, “I really don’t trust a man who doesn’t like cupcakes…”

It was Saturday afternoon. Borden had said he would call me “soon,” but that was Monday. Now, normally, you would just write off someone who didn’t call you, but this was an emergency and no ordinary situation. We simply needed to confirm the identity of this man. Is he the Clint I met on the street? And if so, why did he tell me he was from Tennessee if he is not? And why is he not calling? We know for a fact that he is extremely intrigued by the story and does, in fact, want to meet me. So, why isn’t he calling? Is he just scared and unsure of what to say?

Well, by Saturday afternoon, Beth and I were going out of our minds trying to figure out what was going on and what we should do. Somehow, we had to prompt a phone call from him. But how could we do this? We were at Whole Foods eating lunch when this brilliant scheme was hatched…

“I’m about at the point I just want to drive straight down to his house,” I said. “What if we drove down there and left something at his house. When we left the balloons, he immediately emailed that very night.”

“True,” Beth replied. “We could leave more balloons. Halloween ones. Or a cake…or cookies or something. Wait…I’ve got it…cupcakes!!”

“Cupcakes?” I asked. “Why cupcakes?”

“Who doesn’t like cupcakes?” she replied. “And besides, cupcakes are funny.”

She had a point…that was true. Bizarre and outlandish behavior such as this might just get the man to call. If anything, to ask me why I had left cupcakes at his house.

So we drove to the Ralph’s on Magnolia Street…the same one, where more than four months earlier, I had purchased the balloons I left at his house and triggered our initial communication.

But while we were in there, we saw a tall skinny man with long brown hair…with his girlfriend…

Now, you have to understand…we do not know what Clint Borden looks like…only that he is tall and skinny with long brown hair…like the Clint I met last November on the street corner…Clint Borden may be the Clint I met…or he may not be…

So, now I’m in a panic…what if this is Clint Borden here at the Ralph’s a few blocks from his house buying dinner with his fucking girlfriend??? We cant’ very well drive down to his house and leave the cupcakes if this is him…

So, what the hell are we going to do…I’m panicking at this point…

“Allright…I say…we’ll wait until they leave the store and we’ll watch to see what kind of car they get into. We know he drives that pick-up and there were only two other cars in the driveway. We know what they look like.”

So, we get in line…and they get in another line…and fuck…it looks like they’re going to get through checking out before we will…

“Well, what are we supposed to do now?” I ask.

“Here, give me the cupcakes,” Beth says. “You go out to our car and fuck around with it…like you’re doing something with it…and that way you can see them when they leave.”

Well, five minutes pass…and Beth finally comes out…but where are they??? They haven’t left the store…now, I’m in even more of a panic…did I somehow miss then??? But I was sitting here watching the door the whole time…nobody came out…

“Did you see them in there?” I asked her.

“No, I don’t know where they are.”

“Well, we can’t go to Borden’s house if this is him. We have to know what kind of a car these people are driving. I’ll go back in the store. Maybe they got out of line to get something else at the last minute.” I said.

So, I go back in the store and sure enough…they’re in line. And they’re checking out about to leave the store…

So, I leave…and bam…I’m accosted by some man who wants me to sign a petition so every kid can go to preschool or some shit like that…a noble cause…but man, I’m on a mission…he’s going to make me miss seeing what car they get in…

So, now I’m signing this fucking petition…and now he’s got another one out…and I’m just like, “Look, dude, I’m in a really big hurry.” And he’s trying to get me to sign just one more, okay?

And I look around the parking lot…I see them nowhere…I’ve missed them…I turn around and bolt…

“Hey, wait!! Come back!!!” he’s shouting.

I get to Beth’s car. “Fuck.”

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

“I missed them. That fucking guy with the petitions…I missed them.”

“No, they totally got into a white Saturn. I saw them. It’s not Borden. We’re okay. It’s not him,” she replies.

A sigh of relief. I get in the car.

So, now we’re driving the five blocks to Borden’s house. You have to understand about this house…it’s at the end of a cul-de-sac…and there’s no traffic on this street. Especially at 8 at night. So, we decide that we’re going to drive down around the cul-de-sac, and that way, the car will be facing the right direction to get out of there quickly after we make the delivery. I write “For Clint” on a post-it note and stick it to the box of cupcakes. As we’re driving past the house and down into the cul-de-sac, Beth says, “I think there’s someone in there. I thought I saw someone walk past the door.”

We get the car turned around. “Okay, then,” I say. “I’m not going to go all the way up to the porch because that may be too risky and there may be a motion light. I’ll leave them on his truck.”

I open the door. Come around the side of our car and am almost at the foot of his driveway…

And I see him there in the door…staring at me…

Fuck…

Only it’s so dark…it’s only his silhouette…I see a tall skinny man…longish dark hair…but of course (because that would just be too easy)…I can’t see his face. But I’m standing here staring at Borden…who may or may not be the Clint we’re looking for…

And I panic…he starts to come out of the house…there’s no way I’m making it in time around to the passenger side of the car…so, I jump in the back seat…throw the cupcakes in and slam the door…

“Shit, shit, shit…go, go, go…he’s coming!!” I yell.

Beth guns it out of there…

Fuck…

So, now what??? He clearly didn’t see what I looked like because it was dark where I was as well. But I’m sure he saw my silhouette and my profile…and now he’s seen the car…and the man must be wondering “what in the hell is going on here?”

We have to go back with the cupcakes, though because we have to attempt to prompt the phone call…when? We can’t take Beth’s car so we decide we’ll go back with mine.
We decide that we will go the next afternoon. He likely will not be home and we decide it will probably look a lot less conspicuous in the daylight.

The next day, we leave the house with the cupcakes.

“I wonder how long it’s going to take him to call once he gets them?” I muse.

We get to the house and all the cars and the truck are still parked out in the driveway. Likely, someone is home. I tell Beth that she should just leave the cupcakes on the hood of his truck. It’s too risky to go all the way up to the porch.

We turn around in the cul-de-sac…I’ve got the “get-away” car positioned and ready…she jumps out and at a crouched run, runs up around the side of the truck. Cupcakes are in place…back to the car…and we’re out of here…

“I wonder how long before he calls. You know he’s going to know you did it,” Beth said.

We run several errands for the next hour or so before heading home. We get home…and I see I have one missed call…CLINT BORDEN…

Not only that…it is literally minutes after the cupcakes were delivered….

You know he wants to ask me about the cupcakes…but he doesn’t know how…he doesn’t want to sound stupid…he’s extremely nervous on the voice mail:

”Hi…Debbie…this is Clint…ummm…from North Hollywood…ummmm…I was just calling to see what you were ….ummmm….up to….ummmm….what you were doing. Give me a call back….ummmmm….talk to you soon, okay? Ummmmm….okay…bye…”

Yeah, the man’s nervous…

Well, it is literally 15 minutes before we have to go to band rehearsal…I’m nervous too…I don’t have the time to calm myself down and make this call before we have to leave…I promise Beth I will call him when we get home…

“You better not pussy out of this,” she says. “You’re going to call when we get home.”

It’s 9:30 before we get home. By the time I have downed a little wine and have prepped myself to make this call…it is 9:45…

I call…and he’s not home…so I leave a message…I want to see him this week…we should get a drink…call me back…

And that’s where things now stand…I hope you liked the cupcakes, Clint…

2005-10-10T11:30:00.000-07:00

JUST CALL ME MISS MECHANIC...

So, I went down to Carter’s Auto on Friday. Took him lunch. The Eclipse needed an oil change and Carter agreed that he would show me what to do if I was willing to do the change myself. Since, for awhile, I have been dreaming of repairing cars, I figured that this was a good opportunity to learn something and get my foot in the door, so to speak.
I donned my “mechanic clothes” (Dickies shorts, black tank top, black steel toe boots) and headed down to the garage. Carter was an excellent teacher. He showed me what to do and I did the entire job myself (though afterwards, he, of course, went underneath the car himself just to make sure that I had done everything correctly). He took many pictures so he could prove to everyone that I had actually done this and he said that he would pick the best one out to put in the “Clint File,” which is down in his office, just waiting for Clint’s return.

“You know, Debbie,” he said, “What you don’t really know about boys like Clint is that this picture will put you in really good favor.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, for guys who fix cars…seeing a girl underneath one who actually has some knowledge of a car is really the hottest thing. Between that and you playing the electric guitar…well, let’s just say, I don’t see that you’re going to have any trouble wooing that boy when he comes back.”

I laughed.

He continued: “Now, Clint may try to test you. Because he won’t believe that you really know anything about cars. And he may say ‘well Debbie, if you changed the oil, what kind of wrench did you use to take off the oil plug?’ And what will you tell him?”

“16 mm wrench, Clint. It’s standard. Everyone knows that,” I replied.

“Good girl,” Carter said.

While we were underneath the Eclipse, Carter discovered that the left front axel is also broken. We have decided to repair that next Monday. I will come to the shop all day to work because it will probably take most of the day. He told me that while we were working on the axel, we would be near the brakes, so he would also teach me about the front disc brakes while we were at it. All of the guys at the neighboring shops could not believe that Carter had a girl down there working with him. They all came out to watch. They all marveled at the fact that I didn’t mind getting my hands dirty.

“Well, you know, there are even some men who get freaked out by getting dirty,” they said.

“It’s just grease. It washes off,” I replied.

“I think I’m going to get a lot more business down here if I’ve got you working here,” Carter remarked.

Not only are we on the Road to Recovery…I may just be on the road to becoming a mechanic myself…

2005-10-10T11:07:00.000-07:00

SONG 49...
____________________________________________________________________

REVIVE ME

I’m burning for you
And you burn my atmosphere
Forest fire
Started sometime late last year
Ashes and embers
Blood-hot in the night
As flames consume my soul
My body, heart and mind

I wish you well
Somewhere from the deepest parts of hell
I wish you well
I hope I live to tell you…

**CHORUS**
Come revive me…
I’ll be forever in your debt
Come remind me…
Of what I was unable to forget
Come revive me…
Only your electricity will work
Come revive me…
And I will revive you in return

My blood is boiling
As the temperature goes higher
Standing in the path
Of this massive sheet of fire
Choking on the ashes
As the fields are set ablaze
Crimson sky
Fever in my veins

I wish for air
Somewhere, through the smoke I sense you’re there
I wish for air
I hope that you have some to spare…

**Chorus**

My breath is baited
My soul is weighted
My light is fading
My heart is waiting

I need to breathe
Open up my lungs and just inhale
I fail…
So, open up your mouth and breathe for me…

**Chorus**

If you'll revive me
I'll revive you in return...

2005-10-06T18:51:00.000-07:00

SONG 48...48 songs in 48 weeks...and this is a new kind for me...Dave wrote the bass riff and had me come up with lyrics and melody...I kind of like this...and of course, it's about everyone's favorite Van Nuys mechanic...
______________________________________________________________________

EMERGENCY

I…was born 15 days late
And I’ve been late
Every subsequent day

But I…today I can’t be late
If there ever was a time to be on time
It is today

**CHORUS**
Not quite…but we’re almost there
And just my luck
I’m sure the traffic will be stuck
Allright…I’ll take the back roads…I don’t care
Nothing’s going to ruin this day, you see
It’s an emergency

You…you can never expect
What the day will bring
Before the sun has set

I…everyday is just the same
But one day will be different
And everything will change

**Chorus**

Call the paramedics…call the EMT
Cause when I stand before you,
I know it will be difficult to breathe
Call 911…call someone to the scene
Send out somebody to resuscitate me…

You…arrest my heart
And if I live to tell the tale
I will blame this on the stars

**Chorus**

Allright…I am here
Outside on the street
Of the place we’re supposed to meet
Goodnight…my friends,
Wish me peace
I’m about to meet
My greatest emergency

2005-10-06T13:52:00.000-07:00

MORE PEOPLE FROM CARTER'S AUTO

1) Elvis—mentioned previously. 5’1” Obsessed with Elvis. No one knows his real name. Has become even crazier in the ensuing weeks. Believes that I am Carter’s daughter and that I have been at music school on the East Coast for four years. Jumped out of his Cadillac when he saw me and proceeded to sing “Blue Suede Shoes,” while doing his best Elvis impersonation. I told him it was very good. He called Carter last week and told him “your daughter has a degree in music and she said I was very good. There must be something to that.” Told Carter he had been doing a lot of thinking about it and has decided that he should take his career “to the next level.” Would like Carter to be his agent. Told him he would give him 25% of all profits. Told Carter he will be at the garage on Friday because he would like me to record him with my hand-held recording device so that I can play it for “the people in Hollywood.”

2) Tiny Don—extremely thin. Has body-image issues. Loves to go to the beach. One woman there apparently told him that he was fat. He is now obsessing over this. Comes to the garage periodically to ask Willie and Carter if they think he needs to lose some weight.

3) Sharon—old friend of Carter’s. Is an agent in Hollywood. At least that is what she tells people. Told Carter that she believes I am a little wild. Her best friend apparently used to date Carter. Now, this woman calls Carter at the garage at least three times a day just to hang up on him.

4) Fat Joan—obese customer of Carter’s. Willie had to drive her to work one day when she dropped her car off at the garage because she had no other way to work. Willie was apparently very embarrassed to be seen driving around with Fat Joan. Carter says the car dropped 5 inches on the passenger side when Fat Joan got in. As Willie was dropping her off, she said to him, “When you get back to the garage, look in the trunk of my car. There is a surprise in there for you and Carter.” When he got back, they opened the trunk and there were nude photographs of Fat Joan herself. Willie says he almost threw up because “that was definitely something I didn’t need to see.”

5) Kenny—Carter despises him. Carter wants to “get him really good.” Carter wants Kenny to be the first person that I “politely pick-pocket.”

2005-10-05T13:31:00.000-07:00

MY DREAM LAST NIGHT:

I usually don’t dream like Carter…of actual events that take place the exact way they are dreamed. My dreams tend to be much more symbolic. This is the most vivid dream that I have EVER had of Clint. I woke up and it was like he was in the room with me still. I was very shaken…I sense that something is coming very soon…it was as if I could have reached out and touched him…I woke up and wrote down everything I could remember…

My Dream 10/5/05

Something was going on at a pagan convention center of some kind and we had been told that Clint was going to be there. There was also a dance going on at this place and it was also a birthday party for one of our Mexican friends…maybe Victor Hugo…

We walked in and we knew that Clint was there because Carter had told us that he would be there. I was worried that I wouldn’t recognize him, but as soon as I saw him, I knew it was him. I walked up and said, “Clint,” and though he didn’t say my name, I knew he knew who I was. He told me later that though he didn’t remember my name, he remembered my face.

We ended up leaving together and everyone thought that was okay because we should be alone together because we had a lot to talk about. There was a room where we went and I remember there was a fire burning in it.

Beth finally came into the room later and said: “Carter’s called here three times already tonight and wanted to know what was going on. I told him you were getting to know each other properly.”

Then she said: “If people ask you, they are going to think you were coached as to what to say or what to do. They may not believe this story. You tell them you just happened to be there and you saw each other.”

Clint said: “It doesn’t matter what people think. We know everything that happened. Carter knows you and I know him and it all worked out right. THAT’S what you should tell the people if they ask.”

And then he looked at me and smiled, and it was as if I had known him forever…
____________________________________________________________________
MY DEDICATION:

I hope that I have done a good job. I hope I have learned the right lesson. I hope I have learned the right things. It is about not walking away from things that affect you in monumental ways. It is about persevering against (at times) seemingly insurmountable odds. But on a personal level, it is a lesson of patience. No one can really know what that means until you must ask a completely impatient person to patiently wait. I am that person. I hope, through this, I have learned some form of patience.

My impatience, which is really an inappropriate sense of time and reality, exaggerates my sense of time and makes me even more impatient.

My impatience may make me rush blindly towards my goal, missing the full scope of the journey. I hope these 47 songs may immortalize ever facet of this trip…the ups and downs…the light and darkness…the blindness and moments of clarity and sight...that make this story as beautifully painful yet promising as it is.

And I hope that these 47 songs remind me…even after he has returned…to be patient on the next leg of this journey…

As a new dawn comes and our next chapter begins…

Find Clint. Find Peace.

2005-10-04T16:29:00.000-07:00

MY ANNOUNCEMENT

At this point in time, I think that Carter's Clint is likely to turn out to be the one we are looking for...afterall: 1) he is a mechanic and 2) he is from Tennessee. This feeling comes after the news that Carter gave me today (which is related in the blog below this one). However, I am ruling nothing out at this time, and I will continue to follow both leads that we now have...it is possible that they will both lead back to the same place.
Regardless, I know that one of these is going to lead back to the Clint that I met 11 months ago...

We may be in the final days before revelation...

Updates will follow...

2005-10-04T16:12:00.000-07:00

SOME BIG NEWS AT CARTER'S TODAY

I called Carter today for our daily phone call and to also check in and see what time and where we were supposed to meet for dinner tonight.

He said, “Before I say anything, I have to tell you about this dream I had. It was about you and Clint and it just went so perfectly.”

I said, “What happened in it?”

He said, “God, you know, I think I may be going crazy too. I just keep thinking of this damn story and you two meeting. That now I’m dreaming of it all the time. But like I said, sometimes my dreams come true. Everything I’ve had a premonition of today has come true so far.”

He was talking a mile a minute and was obviously quite excited about something.

“Well, tell me what happened,” I said again.

“Let me tell you about the dream first. In the dream, some of the boys came down here and I told them, ‘you know what…why don’t you go get Clint and bring him down here. I’ve got a really nice surprise for him…”

He continued: “In the dream, one of the guys left and came back with Clint and I told Clint that I had some business to discuss with him…would he mind having dinner with me? And he agreed. So, I knew that you would be too overwhelmed by all of this, so I called Beth and I told her: “look, you need to leave work immediately and come down here. I have something I need to show you…” She knew that something really big was going on, so she left work and came down to the garage. Clint was hiding in the back office and I told him to come out and Beth stopped dead in her tracks and said, “I know who this is…” So, the three of us devised a plan…that we would meet with you at dinner. You walked in and Beth and I were sitting there at the table. I said to Beth, “Here…let me use your phone…I need to make a quick call…” And I called Clint who was waiting in the car…he walked in…and the look on your face was just priceless…you were just speechless…and it was all just so great and wonderful…”

“Wow,” I said.

“But that’s not all,” Carter went on. “Like I said, I had some other premonitions and every one of them has come true today. About noon, I looked down the driveway and saw this Dodge truck pulling up. And I thought it was The Gardner, but guess who it was?”

“Who?”

“George…”

“Oh my god…” I said. That completely caught me off guard
(**As an aside...besides Mike, George is the other person down there who knows Clint really well…he has been gone this whole time as well…**)

“You’re kidding…” I said.

“Nope. And I said to George, ‘where the hell have you been?’ and he told me it was a long story but that he was back in town. And I got a phone number for him…well, it’s not really for him, but one of his friends where he is staying…now, I’m not going to give you this number because we don’t want to freak them out…but let’s just say…this is big news…finding George is as good as finding Mike…and I sent him out on a little mission I’m not going to tell you the details of…but I’ve got contact with him and he’s supposed to be back sometime this week…if not later today…

“Wow,” I said again. “And you’ve said before, when they disappear…once one comes back, the rest trickle back in, right?”

“Yeah…but I don’t want to get your hopes up too high because I don’t know when this will be…but we’ve got contact and I’ve learned some things…and let’s just say…this is all going to work out…”

“Wow,” I said yet again. I was at a complete loss for words because this was the most news we have had at Carter’s in a long time.

“Now,” he went on, “When you’re down here on Friday…if anybody comes in here besides Clint…anyone from his gang…and that is a very realistic chance…you are my daughter…you’ve been out of town at school for several years and that’s why they’ve never seen you…if the boys come down here, they’re not going to trust you if they don’t know who you are…so if it is them and not Clint on Friday…you’re my daughter…and we’re going to get some information…”

“But do you know anything more about Clint? Did you ask about him?” I questioned.

“I’m not going to tell you anything until I know 100%. I’m only telling you the things I know 100%.”

“But it’s nothing bad, right?” I asked.

“No…no, nothing bad at all. This is some of the best news we could have gotten. And let’s just say…I’m going to fix it so you two are able to talk and we can get this whole thing resolved. We just all need to keep our optimism up. And remember there is something to be said about premonitions. So far, all the things that I have had premonitions about today…have come true…”

“Let’s hope for more news this week…” I said.

“I can almost guarantee it…”

2005-10-04T12:08:00.000-07:00

THERE ARE THINGS WE KNOW AND THINGS WE DO NOT KNOW:

1) I do not perform brain autopsies. However, I have, from time to time, told people that is what I did as a “fall-back” career…in case the whole rock star thing ever fell through. I have also told people that:

a) I was from Boston. True, I went to school there, but am not from there.
b) I was from Chicago. No, in fact, I’m from Indiana.
c) I was from Gary, IN. Not true. I actually grew up in Valparaiso.
d) I spent a while in the south. Not true. I don’t remember any of it. I was born in Florida and we lived in Georgia and North Carolina. But I was only 2 years old.
e) I graduated from high school when I was 14. Not true. I graduated when I was 18 like everyone else.
f) I have sold songs in Nashville. Not true. I am thinking of doing this, but have not done so yet.
g) Beth and I are sisters. Our father had four wives and all four of us (Beth, Bill, Jeff, and I) all have different mothers.
h) Beth’s family adopted me when I was an infant. Beth is seven years older than me. A funny story in our family is that Beth and our two brothers flyered the neighborhood with flyers that said, “Baby for Sale.” Our mother was irate when one of the neighbors rang the doorbell and said that her biological children were trying to sell the adopted baby.

All of these “white lies” were told to people…often to men that I was actually interested in at the time. I didn’t realize that other people ran around making up “white lies” and telling them to people they actually liked…so, I never expected that Clint would do this. However, as BD pointed out, if I am interested in Clint in the first place and he is “right up our alley,” he would be no stranger to this type of thing as well.

2) It is for the above reasons, I suppose we cannot put any stock in Clint being from Tennessee or him being a mechanic. The only things that I can really say that we can believe 100% is:

1) I met Clint on the corner of LaBrea and Santa Monica on the evening of November 5th, 2004.
2) His car really did break down. His hands were dirty. Though not a mechanic, he may very well have been trying to fix it because he knew something about cars. The mechanic line was delivered in an attempt to impress me. However, suppose the car never really broke down in the first place and that was a line as well. That he used to explain what he was doing on this sketchy street corner in the first place. So, perhaps, we cannot put stock in this either.
3) He is Romany Wicca. That’s a difficult thing to make up without knowing something about it. Especially since he drops the name of the store that he shops at and knows the street it’s on. He recognizes the very inconspicuous pentacle I am wearing around my neck (which I know is not recognized by people unless they know something about it). It is one thing to say you’re pagan…but an entirely different thing to say Romany. He had to know something about it.

So, we know what he looks like, that I met him that night, that he is Romany, and that he shops at this store. That is ALL we can know for certain at this point. And given those things, this fits Clint Borden’s description.

The questions I still have:

1) Why tell someone you’re from Tennessee if you’re not? But is it possible that he went to school in Tennessee? I know that Clint Borden went to school because he told me that he studied abroad in Belgium at some point.
2) Why say you’re a mechanic when you’re not? As Tippy pointed out: to impress the girl. And I suppose it is possible that Borden would not remember having ever said this. Which is why he told me he was not a mechanic in the email.
3) Carter says that Clint is “not much of a mechanic.” It is possible that Clint does not generally tell people he is a mechanic? But was only saying it that night to impress me. Carter says that Clint is “good at other things.” These things include: cell phone deals, lien sales. Now all of a sudden, Carter is talking about runs to Mexico to get black tar to sell. However, is this Clint? Or one of his friends? Carter is so confused most of the time, it is hard to tell. It would seem strange that the Romany wicca Clint is also a black tar dealer. But maybe that’s someone else who sells it. Clint works on movie sets most of the time (which is what he is doing when he disappears for lengths at a time)…then runs with these boys down at the shop from time to time. Mainly putting liens on the cars. It is hard to put a ton of stock in the DETAILS of what Carter says because 1) he is confused and 2) we don’t even know that the boys are telling him the truth. Carter is crazy and they know that. They might make shit up to tell him.
4) All we can really know from Carter is:

a) he knows a young man named Clint
b) this guy fits our physical description
c) he has known him for about 4 years
d) the guy is from Tennessee, or at least somewhere near there in the south

5) That means our options are:

1) Clint Borden is the Clint we’re looking for; Carter’s Clint is someone else
2) Carter’s Clint is the one we’re looking for; Clint Borden is someone else
3) Neither is the Clint we’re looking for
4) Both are physically the same person: Borden leads two different lives and doesn’t want people at the shop to know about his other life. That’s why no one knows his last name, phone number, or whereabouts.

5) If Borden is the Clint we are looking for, how do we explain Carter?

Suppose, we were meant to meet Carter because of his connection to this very story in another life. However, the Clint he knows is not the right person.
a) Had that person called me and ended all of this in January-March when he was at the shop, we would have very well taken the search elsewhere and ended our relationship with Carter because we did not really have one yet (that is before we had actually met him in person).
b) Had that Clint come back in May-July and confirmed he was not the right person, again we would have taken the search elsewhere because I still had no relationship with Carter at that point (our contact was limited to BD’s calls down there just to see if he had any news) But he didn’t come back then.
c) Had that Clint come back in August-Sept, we would now have the relationship with Carter because that’s when I had started hanging out down at the garage. That relationship would still exist. But just imagine how devastated I would have been in September, to find out that this was the wrong guy and I had no other places to look and had wasted all that time in that one place.
d) But now we have one other place…and that is with Borden, who, for whatever reason, we have returned to again for the third time, though I thought I had ruled him out the previous two. If the Clint (who I did not meet) returns to Carter’s now and confirms that he is not the one I met…we have Borden (who then turns out to be the one I met). The devastation is not there as it would have been in August or September because we had found the right one by that point. Then, we have: 1) a lifelong friend in Carter and 2) the right Clint…the one I met on the street corner last November…and everybody wins…

I personally hope that both Clint’s turn out to be the same person…because it makes the story that much more complex and beautiful…

But I think I’m no longer driving this bus…the universe took over the driver’s seat a long time ago…actually, it’s probably been in the driver’s seat the whole time…

2005-10-03T13:27:00.000-07:00

I REALLY DIDN'T THINK I COULD GET ANY MORE CONFUSED THAN I ALREADY AM...

As far as the Clint search…

Tippy has this theory of the universe that were I to actually try and ask someone out and date that person (the wrong person), then the right person (Clint) would come around…so, we went down to Whole Foods where Ken (this guy I have been watching for awhile) was working in the “Fine Cheeses.” He’s always looking at me and I’m always watching him…I wanted to be like Rachel and just march right over to the counter and tell him that he should take me out on a date…but alas, I’m not that confident or bold (just look at the whole mess with the Clint situation)…so, the best I could do was to go up there and ask him if he was a musician and give him one of my cards, explaining that we needed a new drummer for the band and he should call me if he knew of anyone or thought of a place where I could look for someone….it was a stupid attempt at flirting and he probably won’t even call because he didn’t even know that I was hitting on him or what the hell I was doing…but anyway…I did it…

So, we leave Whole Foods and I have decided that we need to go to The Black Broom (the pagan store in North Hollywood that Clint originally told me about) because there were some major planetary aspects (involving the two eclipses that are occurring today and then again on October 17th) that will aspect my chart in ways similar to what was happening the night I met Clint. So, I wanted to get some supplies at the store to do a ritual to try and harness this energy and send it in the appropriate direction. Besides, I wanted to ask them if they knew anyone around here who they would recommend to do a tarot reading.

We get to the store and Thomas, the owner, (who is rarely there on a Saturday) is sitting in there and we are chatting about various things…the band, how we are, etc…and I am checking out…and it completely slips my mind to ask him about the tarot card reading. But Beth remembers…and asks him…he says that he’s not really sure where to send me…do I have a specific question??

It’s about someone I’m trying to find…I tell him…
Romantic relationship?? he asks…

And so I start to tell him the story…”and you know, Thomas, here’s the funny thing…it even involves your shop because this guy told me about your store and that’s when I started coming here…”

So, he asks me who he is…I say “Clint…”

“Oh, Clint Borden you mean…” he replies

And now here’s the deal…we have already been in contact with this person…in fact, I have had Clint Borden’s phone number since January…there’s no way this could be the right guy…I thought I had ruled him out…

But Thomas is confident…he describes him to us…tall, skinny, longish brown hair…

But the problem is that Clint Borden is not from Tennessee…I already know this because I asked him in email…he’s from Toluca Woods…but Thomas tells me…”he had an ex-girlfriend from Tennessee or somewhere around there…he talked about moving there once”…Thomas is certain this is the guy I’m looking for though…he says, “Unless I’m off my rocker, it’s Clint Borden you’re looking for.” Thomas has known him for 10 years. He hasn’t seen him in awhile though…

We thank him for his help and leave…how is this possible? How could there be two tall skinny men with long brown hair named Clint who go to the Black Broom?? The store’s just simply too small and the name Clint is too rare…but before, I didn’t realize that Clint Borden was also pagan…

I had left him a message back on January 17th…when we first found his listing…we knew he was young from our search and he only lived a few blocks away from the Black Broom…so, it would make sense this could be the Clint we were looking for. Besides, this was two days before we found Carter’s Auto and moved our search a town over to Van Nuys…

I left him a message….something about meeting him on a street corner a few months ago…I don’t really remember what I said…but he never called back…so, I forgot about him until the end of May when Beth and I were out taking photos of different sites from the Clint Search…she asked me if I remembered the house we used to drive past on Denny Ave…where that Clint Borden lived? I said that I did and we decided that for posterity, we should drive past the house one more time and get a picture…we did, and there were all kinds of old cars parked out front and several pick-up trucks…this place just looked like it fit the profile of the guy we were looking for…but he never called me back in January…she suggested that maybe he didn’t get the message…

So, we devise this brilliant scheme where Beth is going to deliver balloons to his house and that way she will be able to get a description of him when he comes to the door…”but what if he’s not home???” We’ll leave a card attached to the balloons that tell him he has a secret admirer and to find out who it is…he should email the person…and we left one of my email addresses...one that would not immediately give away what my name was…crazy scheme, we know…probably futile…but at least it will be a neat scene in the movie…

He wasn’t home, so she left the balloons and the card…and that very night…sure enough, I get an email from him…he wants to let me know that he thought it was very sweet and that I shouldn’t stay hidden from him like this…but if it was a joke, he wanted to let me know that it was very funny…

I wrote back that it wasn’t a joke…that I was trying to find a Clint that I had met from Tennessee awhile back…he told me he wasn’t from Tennessee…but he had spent time there and maybe I had thought he had said that…he spoke of fate…that he didn’t think it was coincidental that I had found him and that he doesn’t believe in random chances…maybe all of this had happened so we would meet…or maybe he was the guy I was looking for???

I wrote back that the guy told me he was a mechanic…he wrote back that he wasn’t…he was a camera man for the show Grey’s Anatomy…again, he told me that he thought it was not coincidental that we had been put in contact with each other…he thought we should meet…

This went back and forth for about a week…at one point, I revealed my real name to him…it was right around that time that I was going to Boston for a week for vacation…I told him I would be in touch with him when I got back…but I didn’t think it could possibly be the same guy…why should I meet him and waste my time???…he wasn’t from Tennessee AND he wasn’t a mechanic…this could not be the guy I was looking for…Beth joked that he was probably short and fat and he was most likely NOT pagan…I got back from Boston and I never wrote back to him…

But then, four months later…his name is brought up yet once again…by Thomas…someone I consider very in-tune with the universe…Borden fits the physical description….AND he’s pagan and goes to this shop…could it be just coincidence that there are two Clint’s who look similar who go to this tiny pagan shop in North Hollywood??

I swore I had ruled Borden out…he said he wasn’t from Tennessee…and he wasn’t a mechanic…and I thought I had told him the story of how I met the Clint I was looking for…he should at least remember if his car broke down around that time even if he doesn’t remember the exact date…but when I went back and looked at the old emails we sent back and forth…I realized I had never mentioned that and I had never mentioned Carter…

So, I decided I needed to find out more about him….I needed to see him so I could see with my own eyes if this was the Clint I had, indeed, met back in November…if it proves to be, I have had this guy’s phone number since mid-January…so I emailed Borden and told him that I had thought he was the wrong guy but I had been down the Black Broom and spoken with Thomas and now I had some more questions to ask him…I thought we should meet for a drink or coffee or something…I told him that I didn’t really have email access anymore (because I didn’t want to deal with emailing back and forth again…I just wanted to see him immediately)…so I told him to call me and gave him my phone number…

And that’s where we are now…that was less than 48 hours ago that I sent the email on Saturday night…I haven’t heard back yet…I’m agonizing over this…but Beth says…”he might not have even checked his email yet”…now, we’re just waiting to hear back…this is a guy who was intrigued by the whole story in the first place…he doesn’t believe in random chance…he’s got to call back…Borden was born 7 days after me…I know this already…which means most of the planets were in similar positions when he was born as they were when I was…and these eclipses and planetary aspects that are about to take place and took place on November 5th when I met Clint…would affect Clint Borden’s chart in similar ways…

But how could this be the right guy? Why would he tell me he was from Tennessee if he wasn’t? Why would he tell me he was a mechanic if he wasn’t? And if Borden is the guy I’m looking for, who is the Clint down at Carter’s? That guy runs around Van Nuys doing shady deals and apparently doesn’t have a permanent place to live. Borden works on a film crew and has a house in North Hollywood.

Is Borden the one I’m looking for? Is Carter’s Clint the one I’m looking for? Is neither the one I’m looking for? OR are Borden and Carter’s Clint the same person??? Is Clint a guy who lives two different lives?? Tippy says that the thing about shady deals is that you don’t want the people you’re doing them with to know too much about you…

Is it possible that Clint works on a film crew months at a time and has a house in North Hollywood…when his schedule allows…he goes to Van Nuys and puts liens on cars and runs around with these mechanics…to them, he’s Clint…from Tennessee…no one knows his name or his phone number….in his other life, he’s a cameraman from Toluca Woods??

I don’t know…I can’t wrap my mind around any of this…at this point, I’m about as confused as I have been throughout this entire journey…

Clint Borden just needs to call me…or Carter’s Clint needs to show up down at the garage…something needs to give…

Updates will follow...

2005-10-03T11:53:00.000-07:00

47 Songs marks the start of 47 weeks apart...
______________________________________________________________________

WHAT I SHOULD HAVE SAID

Something in the way the sky looks
Is so familiar
Somehow it reminds me
Of a different day
Where I would walk through Hollywood
Eight hours without stopping
I will walk the same route
Hoping to change the outcome

**CHORUS**
My heart would have told you what it wanted
If it were smart
But it’s not
And so the tragedy is we were wrenched apart
Now, I need to find you
I will…but until then,
I’ll be rehearsing
What I should have said

Something in the way that time moves
Is so frustrating
It passes by so quickly
Except when you’re waiting for something
I will drive the same streets everyday
Looking for you
Someday, we will have the same conversation
But we’ll say different things

**Chorus**

I want you to know
That somewhere in this world
Someone waits for your return
I want you to know
I was fighting every step I took
I turned around and saw your look
Of disbelief that I would leave you
Standing there alone

I cannot explain this
With laws of science
There’s not a bit of logic in my love
Only blindness
I only know that I was affected
In ways not well understood
Now, you’re the only outcome
That I can conceivably think of as good

**Chorus**
My heart would have told you what I wanted
If I were smart
But I'm not
And so the tradegy is that we were wrenched apart
Now, I need to find you
I will...but until then,
I'll be rehearsing
What I should have said...

2005-09-29T18:11:00.000-07:00

MY CONVERSATION WITH MR. CARTER TODAY...

Mr. Carter: “Carters?”

Debbie: “Tell me that you know…without a shadow of a doubt…that Clint will come back…and I will believe you.”

Mr. Carter: “He will come back…I know. Unless he’s in jail for several years or something…he’s coming back.”

Debbie: “I hope so.”

Mr. Carter: “I know that you are at your wit’s end with this.”

Debbie: “I lost my faith Tuesday night. And flipped out. I said that I wasn’t calling you anymore and I wasn’t speaking his name ever again. That I was just done. I wrote the song that nobody wanted to hear from me. But then by Wednesday night, my outlook changed and I wrote another song about finding him.”

Mr. Carter: “What happened to change it?”

Debbie: “I realized that I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t give up on finding him again.”

Mr. Carter: “I could tell on Tuesday afternoon when I talked to you that something was wrong. I know that no one can be in your shoes and no one can possibly know what it’s like to go through this. But you’ve made a decision to go after what you want and you have to be optimistic. With our optimism, it will all turn out okay. There are many outcomes and all will be good.”

Debbie: “There is only one outcome that would be good. For Clint to come back.”

Mr. Carter: “He will come back. I don’t’ know when. I wish I could tell you when and I wish that there was something I could do to help you more than I have.”

Debbie: “Oh…I just wish I had taken that letter down there one day earlier…when he was at the garage. Before he disappeared. If only I had taken it down one day earlier. Why the hell didn’t I take the letter down JUST ONE DAY EARLIER??”

Mr. Carter: “Well, it would be a different story then. And you know what, things happen the way they’re supposed to…and they happen for reasons. And we can’t pretend to always understand them.”

Debbie: “I wish I could understand them.”

Mr. Carter: “It’s okay to have all these different emotions and be frustrated with the situation. But try to stay optimistic underneath it all. Clint will come back.”

Debbie: “I know.”

2005-09-29T11:22:00.000-07:00

SONG 46...so, I have finally caught up...that's 46 songs for this goddamn man in 46 weeks...I think I now officially take the title of Prolific Songwriter
_____________________________________________________________________

SCENE OF THE CRIME

I…was at the scene of the crime
No alibi
I was aiding and abetting you

You…didn’t even need a disguise
Just walked right in
And had the place cleaned out in no time

You’re as good at lifting other things as you are lifting cars
But if you know what’s good for you…
You’ll return with my heisted heart

**CHORUS**
Hey…I don’t wanna detain you
No…I…only want a little of your time
Hey…I don’t wanna convict you
No…I…only want a share of what’s mine

Now, I hear you’re out on the lam
Stay low to the ground
Cause you never know who’s on your trail

But you…you can’t stay hidden for long
It’s just a simple truth
And the search is still going on strong

I’m as good at finding things as you think you are at stealing them
In fact, I know that you’ll return
To the crime scene once again

**Chorus**

I…I think you need
An accomplice like me
Cause we’re not of this world
I…I think you’ll find
When you’re done running blind
You could use the help I can provide…

I…I left the scene of the crime
And when I went back
You had disappeared into the night

You…you pick-pocketed me
It was all in your look
But it wasn’t my money you took

You’re as good at stealing other things as you are at stealing cars
But I swear I won’t press charges
If you return just half my heart

**Chorus**

Return to the scene of the crime
Cause I only want a share of what's mine...

2005-09-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

SONG 45...That's 45 in 46 weeks...
______________________________________________________________________

NOW YOU'LL NEVER KNOW

Release me…
Release your hold
If you’re not coming back,
Then let me go

Cause I’ve been down this road
At the end, there is no light
Only the agony
Of what I never find

Your sun has set
My patience is spent

**CHORUS**
Please…know…
I would have given you anything
But now you’ll never know
I…go…
With this fractured heart
And these shattered bones
I would have given you anything
But now you’ll never know

This is how it starts
The end of poisoned days
My body atrophied
After one year in this cage

But it was life or death
And I’ve given all I can
I had to save some strength
For the swim back

My faith is gone
Along with the sun

**Chorus**

And they think that I am joking
Cause I have said all of this before
But this is how I break…it’s how I break
This is where I speak of you no more…

**CHORUS**
But please…know…
I would have given you anything
And now you’ll never know
I…go…
With this fractured heart
And these shattered bones
I would have given you anything
But now you’ll never know

2005-09-26T15:54:00.000-07:00

MR. CARTER’S DREAMS

Last night Mr. Carter dreamt that Clint came to his shop and Carter said to him, “Listen, I’ve got a really exciting car deal for you to work on. But we have to go down to Hollywood and we can meet up with the person who has the deal.” Clint agreed and they drove down to Canter’s deli on Fairfax where this mysterious person with “the really exciting deal” was supposed to meet them. Carter left Clint in one of the booths and called me from the pay phone outside the deli. He told me that he had some things that he wanted to talk to me about and could I meet him down there for dinner? He also told me to tell Beth to “get in the kitchen and start making brownies.” But in the dream, I didn’t catch his drift and showed up at Canter’s completely unaware of who I was about to see (in actual life, Beth and Carter have an ongoing agreement that she will bake him “brownies every week for the rest of his natural life once Clint is found.”).
Beth and I arrive at Canter’s to meet him and there is Clint sitting with him in the booth. In the dream, we talk for awhile and at the end of the night, Clint says to me, “Look, I have to go down to Mexico for a few days to work on something, but it will only take a few days and then I’ll be back. I think you’re really amazing and I promise that I will not forget what you have done for me and I will not forget to call you when I get back because I need to see you again.”
Carter says he then woke up.
I was very affected by the telling of this dream. I don’t know why. Very much so by Clint’s speech at the end of the dream and because his reaction to me and the story was so positive.
I told Carter, though, that I don’t see how this scenario could really happen or would be the way we would meet for the second time. But I am very intrigued by his dreams, nevertheless. He told me that he simply thinks he was dreaming of the meeting as a premonition that it is coming soon, but the dream and the actual scenario in it just goes the way it goes (as things do in dreams). Part of it may be day residue (meeting at the deli and the comment about the brownies), but he believes that there is a reason that he keeps dreaming about mine and Clint’s second meeting.
As I’ve mentioned before, Mr. Carter has told me in the past that he has had dreams that come true. He said that just this past week, he dreamed of a car deal that he later received that week.
I don’t know the meaning of these dreams or how we’re supposed to interpret them or this part of the story…

But it gives me hope that he has them…

2005-09-26T13:50:00.000-07:00

THE CLINT LOOK-A-LIKE’S PICTURE AND OTHER NEWS:

I have the picture which I will post if anyone knows how to post pictures on this blog.

This Clint-look-a-like has since cut off all his hair, which is mainly what makes him look so different. Though, there is a resemblance I can see, mostly in the eyes. Clint is thinner than this man and has a narrower face, but like I said, I can see the resemblance. I informed Mr. Carter that I felt Clint was much more attractive than his look-a-like and he told me that was only because I was biased.

There is also an actor on the show Everwood named Gregory Smith. I had a picture of him cut out from a magazine to show Mr. Carter my perception of what Clint looked like. I had previously seen a billboard on Highland Ave. for this program, and each time I drove past it, I was always taken aback by how much that actor looks like Clint. I showed Mr. Carter the picture and he told me that this man definitely looked like the Clint he knew, though he added “this guy is kind of a pretty boy; Clint is much more rugged.” Which, is exactly what I remember…and is half the reason I was attracted to him so much in the first place.

Beth spoke with Mr. Carter last night. We are having dinner with him tomorrow night (at a little Indian restaurant in North Hollywood). Mr. Carter told her that he knows that all of this is very hard for me and he knows that at times, I get frustrated with the situation. But he adds: “I know this will all come to be. You’ve had your premonitions and I have had mine as well.”

Will the second meeting come this week? Only time will tell…

Updates will follow…

2005-09-26T13:23:00.000-07:00

HARVEST

I forgot to mention before that when I was at the garage on Friday afternoon, I asked Carter about the origins of his first name, since Gareth is not very common. He told me that his mother was originally from North Dakota and though a lot of people don’t know this, she was a very educated woman. He told me that he was named after a character from literature. “But I bet you don’t know which one,” he added. “Of course, I do,” I replied, “Gareth was one of the Knights of the Round Table.” He was completely taken aback that I would know this. But I explained to him that one of my secret obsessions is the King Arthur story. In fact, the irony of all of it is that I was reading and carrying with me “The Once and Future King” the very night I met Clint.

Today, while I was speaking with Carter, I told him that I had done some thinking about his name. I explained to him that I had realized the knights began to return from the Grail Quest around Michaelmas. Michealmas is an old Catholic holiday devoted to the archangel Michael. It also coincidentally (or not so coincidentally) falls around the time of the Harvest Moon and the Fall Equinox. On most calendars, Michaelmas would be celebrated on September 29th. As we all know, this is Thursday of this week. If one were to think of the Clint Search as a type of Grail Quest, so to speak, perhaps his return comes around this time, as well as around the time of the Harvest, when we “harvest all things hoped for over the past year.”

Perhaps all coincidence…but perhaps not…

SONG 44...keep 'em coming until there's a change...
______________________________________________________________________

OCTOBER

You come around as the days grow shorter
The shadows creeping up the walls
I think I knew it all along
Since the harvest comes in fall

Summer breaks and the days grow cooler
The sun sets with a deeper slant
One by one, the birds head south
As you migrate back

The earth spins…round and round
I rise…from underground
I am waiting for you to come back home

**CHORUS**
Oh…meet me in October
Oh…return to me October
Oh…waiting for October
Oh…see you in October
See you in October…

Where do you sleep when you’re on the road?
Oh your transitory flight?
Very soon, I’ll have all the answers
But I have none tonight

The minutes move like a ticking bomb
Suspense is up as time winds down
I’ve been falling all this time
How will my landing sound?

You retreat…half the year
Rise from the ashes dear
You have no idea what you’re coming home to now

**Chorus**

Oh, Libra tip the scales
And tell me that I have paid the toll
To travel on this road
Oh, Venus do be kind
And tell me I’ve balanced all the debts
That I had left behind

You come to me and it’s like my birthday
You hold my gaze and we are reborn
Until that moment we never knew
What our star-crossed feet led us toward

Oh…surrender your control
Fate…has us in it’s hold
As this journey ends, a new beginning unfolds

**Chorus**

See you in October...

2005-09-22T13:33:00.000-07:00

CLINT UPDATE...

I am going to Carter's this afternoon to try and get the picture of the Clint-look-a-like...

This should be interesting...

2005-09-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

SONG 43...what is the magic number????
____________________________________________________________________
NEVER GO AWAY

I watched you cross the sidewalk
Those calculated steps
To lean up against the lamppost
And invade my loneliness
Your not-so-subtle gestures
And how you looked amazed
That I didn’t catch what was behind your stare
Until I’d walked away

Aching that I left too quick
You have haunted every moment since

**CHORUS**
Oh…oh…you never go away
Oh…oh…you never go away
Oh…oh…I can’t make you go away
Oh…oh…cause you never go away

(5 minutes is all I need to tell you what you’ve done to me)

I’m intrigued by darkness
By what my eyes can’t see
So it’s true if this were simple
There would be no mystery
Yet, it’s dangerous to want you
Cause that makes me feel detained
This padded cell is growing smaller
Each and every day

When you come back, I'll feel better I am sure
Haunted til the moment you return

**Chorus**

(One smile was all it took…baited, now I’m on your hook)

I need light
I…dream in black in white
I am blind
I…I have lost my sight

Until today I never had the
Opportunity
To catch you unaware
And show you that I bleed
Day fades into night
And then rolls into the next day
But this afternoon
You might come and dig me from this grave

Patience is what I’ve always lacked the most
But I’ve been patiently haunted by your ghost

**Chorus**

You never go away...
You never go away...

2005-09-20T16:19:00.000-07:00

THE CLINT LOOK-A-LIKE

I just spoke with Mr. Carter and today there is no news regarding the Clint search, per se. However, from my conversation with him, I did find out something very interesting. There is apparently, a “Clint look-a-like.” This “Clint-ish” looking man (who is actually named Mark) used to frequent Carter’s garage. He is apparently around the same age as Clint, drives the same type of truck, but he works for a construction firm and is also a musician (who may or may not still be in a rock band in the area). Mark is not involved with Clint or any of his friends in any way and awhile ago, he moved back to Chicago, where he grew up. Carter has not seen him in almost a year, but he rolled down to the garage this morning to see if Carter could do some work on his truck. Apparently, he realized that the weather in Chicago was just too much to handle for him and he moved back to California recently.

Though not related to our story in any way, Carter and I marveled at the irony in all of this. In fact, Carter told me that Mark and Clint look so similar, were I to have driven up to the garage this morning when he was there, I would have initially been mad that Carter didn’t call me up to tell me Clint was down there. They apparently look that similar (though according to Carter, Mark’s hair is a little longer than Clint’s). Mark is supposedly coming back to the garage tomorrow, at which point Carter is going to take a picture of him to show me. He also told me that I could take the picture with me to show people what Clint looks like.

Not that I don’t trust Carter, but if when I look at this picture, this is the spitting image of the man I have been looking for all these months, it will further lend validity to all of this.

Carter also mentioned that he wondered if, perhaps, this was an “omen” of the real Clint’s return. Mark has been away from the shop for many many months. Then, out of the blue, he shows up down there this morning. And from what I understand, this is just the way things seem to work around there. As Mr. Carter bemused: is this a sign of Clint’s haphazard and imminent return?

Updates will follow…

2005-09-19T17:34:00.000-07:00

MORE PEOPLE FROM CARTER'S AUTO

15) Karen- Strange affinity for Tweety Bird. 4’ 8” 80 lbs. It is questionable whether this is a man or a woman. Has a lot of car troubles, so he/she is often at Carter’s. Body size indicates that he/she is either a heroin addict or severely anorexic. It has now been confirmed that Jerry, the 6’ 1” transgender woman, is dating Karen as they were spotted making out in the car when Jerry dropped Karen off one day at Carter’s when he/she had come to pick up his/her car. This is a very strange couple and no one can quite figure out what is going on with them. Karen also supposedly has two very tall African American daughters who are very tall and “model-beautiful,” according to Carter, who finds this strange as Karen is extremely short, mousy, and Caucasian.

16) Juan and Carlos- come to the shop every Friday to pick up scrap metal. Were interested in taking a picture of my legs. Said they would pay $50, at which point they were run off the property by Willie.

17) Javier- sells belts, wallets, and DVDs. Stops by the shop every Friday afternoon. Willie bought a brown snakeskin belt from him. Carter bought two belts because “the deal was so good, I just couldn’t resist it” and because according to him, he does not own a belt and needs one because of his upcoming 40-year high school reunion. Javier then tried to sell Carter a backpack full of pirated movies. Carter told him he only bought movies that had “a lot of women in them.” Javier offered him “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigalo.” Carter told him that was not the kind of movie he was looking for. “Javier, there’s just not enough nudity in it. I only watch movies with naked senoritas,” he said.

18) Eduard- occasionally works for Louie (next door to Carter’s). Has a very severe drug problem. Tried to hang himself one day in the garage but couldn’t figure out how to tie the noose. Louie eventually had to get rid of him because “he was driving my business straight into the ground."

19) Louie- mentioned in previous post. Currently involved in a long-standing feud with Carter due to a dog house Carter claims Louie stole from him.

20) James- sells porno. Carter has agreed to fix James’s mother's car in exchange for $40 worth of porno.

2005-09-19T16:49:00.000-07:00

THE BLACK WIDOW SIGHTED IN SHERMAN OAKS...and other news...

According to Mr. Carter, there is a man, known only as “The Mexican,” who has always been adept at “finding people.” No one knows exactly how he is able to do this…only that he is. This man is, apparently, currently searching for information regarding Mike’s (Clint’s friend's) whereabouts. A lead came in late Friday morning. “The Mexican” spotted “The Black Widow” in Sherman Oaks the day before. “The Black Widow” is a woman who used to (or may currently) be dating Mike. According to Carter, she is “the worst of the worst,” but she would most likely know where Mike (and therefore, Clint) is. Over the past several years, she has periodically come to Carter’s Auto to “sell me various things” (that she came to possess from god only knows where). Her absence from the shop over the past few months has indicated to Carter that she was out of the area. However, due to this recent sighting of her in Sherman Oaks by “The Mexican,” Carter is convinced she will come down to his shop at some point soon now that she has returned to the neighborhood. She is apparently a known heroin addict and “The Mexican” said that she is very low on cash at the current time. It is for this reason that Carter believes she will stop by his shop soon in order to try to sell him something to make some quick cash. Once Carter is able to talk to “The Black Widow,” Mike’s whereabouts will be discovered, and through him, possibly Clint’s as well.

Carter and I also discussed events surrounding the return of Clint. For example, how will all of this go down? Carter told me that he doesn’t want to take a chance with Clint and he wants to make sure that I am able to talk to him the day that he returns to the shop (Carter says he does not want to take the chance of missing the opportunity were Clint to only come down there one afternoon and then disappear for several months again). It is for this reason that he wants me to come to the shop as soon as Clint shows up there. Carter has devised “code words” that he will call me and say while Clint is sitting at his shop hanging out. The reason for this is that he doesn’t want to “put Clint on the spot” and “make him so nervous that he gets out of there before you arrive.” Therefore, he has decided that Clint should have no clue that it is me he is calling. Carter will call me cell phone and say, “Yes, I have some time to work on your car this afternoon. But you need to bring it down in the next 30 minutes.” Upon receiving this call, I am to fake a migraine and immediately leave work, driving to Van Nuys as fast as humanly possible. Carter will stall Clint at the shop for the next 30 minutes, by discussing possible future lien sales and deals. I will arrive at the shop, where Clint will no doubt be completely shocked and amazed by my presence there. We’ll see where the rest of the afternoon takes us…

Additionally, there are a few other small, but potentially fruitful leads that we continue to follow…

We are hoping to have some more substantial news (or Clint himself)…but the end of the week…

2005-09-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

SONG 42...
______________________________________________________________________

ONLY YOU

Cut adrift now
On this silent placid sea
I surrender…
To whatever fate has offered me
But the boat is filled with holes
And the water starts to rise
Throw a line out
And bring me back to shore tonight

I am…drowning
I am…underwater
Where no one hears me scream

**CHORUS**
Only you… can kill me with your eyes
Only you…a moment and a smile
Don’t you know…you alone can rectify this?
Cause only you…can kill me with your eyes

All alone now…
I’ve been treading water for countless weeks
All other things fade away…
There’s only one thought that I keep
Keep my head above the water
And my aim fixed and true
My disrepair becomes routine
As my thoughts routinely drift to you

I am…tired
I am…exhausted
Only one thing brings relief

**Chorus**

Oh, listen for my heartbeat
And you will find me on the crest beyond this wave
Oh, remember what you told me
When you were moved by the beauty in that day
Oh, follow me down
Down to the depths…to the bottom of the sea
Oh, follow me down
Follow my pulse…follow where it leads

I am…drowning
I am…underwater
Come drown with me…

**Chorus**

Only you can kill me with your eyes…

2005-09-14T16:09:00.000-07:00

TIME GOES SLOW FOR GARY CARTER

I have come to the conclusion that Mr. Carter has absolutely no perception of time. At least of its length and it’s passing.

He was talking again today about Mike (one of Clint's "running buddies" and probably the person closest to him out here) and how strange it was for him to be gone so long and how he has never been gone this long before and how he has been put away in jail before and Carter’s is usually the first stop he makes when he gets out.
So, in order to test what length of time really meant to him, I asked, “So, when’s the last time you saw Mike?”
And he said, “Nine or ten…maybe eleven months.”
And I said, “Oh, that is a long time. Did he disappear before Clint did?”
And he said, “Well, it was probably around the same time if not a little before or a little after.”

Now, here’s what I’m thinking…there is simply no way that Mike has been gone ten or eleven months…even nine. It has only been ten months since I met Clint…if Mike disappeared ten or eleven months ago…that is sometime last year. In the beginning of November or October. We know several reasons why he cannot have been gone that long:

1) There have been people in and out of the garage up until a few months ago. Granted, these could be other people, but even in April, Carter was talking about how Clint’s best friend had been in (and we know at this point, that has to be Mike).

2) If Mike disappeared in October or November of last year, that was essentially 5 months before Clint disappeared. That is the period of time we know Clint was down at the garage. There is no way that Carter would not have asked Clint where Mike was during that period of time since we know Clint was there.

3) Carter says that Mike disappeared ten or so months ago from the garage but he also says that is around the time that Clint disappeared. We know that Clint only disappeared from the garage less than 6 months ago. That means Mike has only been gone for six months at the most…putting his disappearance around April…if not a little later. Carter has said that Mike has been put away in jail for six months at a time before. So, his being gone six months now should not seem that unusual.

Why this discrepancy? Some people would say it is because Carter is lying…making up the entire thing. I would say the whole thing actually makes perfect sense as long as you take into account that time perception and it’s passing is relative depending on people’s emotions and situations. We all know that time seems to pass more quickly or slowly at times. Sometimes, it speeds by so quickly, a year passes and it feels like you have barely blinked your eyes. This is usually when life has become mundane … ordinary…routine.

However, when life changes…something new happens…the passing of time begins to take on meaning. We only know how much time has passed since I met Clint or since he disappeared from the garage because we know those exact dates and can calculate the exact number of days.
But with Carter, you essentially have this local mechanic who has been sitting down there in the shop for years…nothing changes…everything is always the same. The boys come in and out. They work on deals from time to time like they always do. Sometimes, Mike goes away to jail for several months at a time. Clint goes in and out of town. Sometimes, the boys are down there day in and day out to the point they become a “nuisance” at the shop. Sometimes, they’re gone for awhile because there are no new deals to work on. Then they come back. But during all of this, no one is sitting there calculating these cycles or the time that is passing. It’s all relative…because it’s all routine.

Then something happens…

We show up. Around the time Clint leaves town. And Mike goes to jail. Now, time begins to pass by differently for Carter. Because now he’s waiting for something. For Resolution. For The Return. For the Road to Recovery, as he calls it.

What has only really been a little less than six months, feels like a year to him. To a man who has never really been that aware of the passing of time before.

Like the child waiting for Christmas or the last day of school before summer vacation. We all know it. Eleven months of the year pass by quickly. It’s those last couple of weeks that are a bitch. That just go so excruciatingly slow…as you’re waiting for that thing you want so badly.

Carter’s never noticed time until we showed up and gave him a reason to. Now he labors over the fact that the boys have been gone so long. But they’ve probably been gone for long periods in the past (since we know Mike has been in jail for up to six months at a time before). Maybe not this long…true…but this disappearance may not be all that unusual. It’s just that he’s never noticed it before. He’s never really had a reason to.

He still believes they’re coming back. I do too. At that point, all of these questions we have will finally be answered. I only hope that comes soon.

2005-09-13T17:07:00.000-07:00

MORE PEOPLE I HAVE MET WHILE HANGING AT CARTER'S AUTO

9) Arty- I mentioned him earlier, but have since learned more about his “situation.” Has an extremely raspy voice. One of the strangest voices I have ever heard. I thought he simply had laryngitis, but I have come to learn that Arty used to have an extremely loud and booming voice until one day when he permanently damaged his voice when he “swallowed some glass.” No one knows why he did this. Even stranger: no one has thought to ask him why.

10) Jerry- A woman. Used to be a man. She is white, but has a black son who is supposedly “a very famous rap artist.” Jerry (who is well over 6 feet tall) is always in the company of a 4’ 8” woman who has a fondness for Tweety Bird. No one knows how they know each other or what they are doing together.

11) One-Nut Jack- No one knows how he came to acquire this name. According to most, he has both of his nuts.

12) Willie- Has a home, but prefers to sleep in a camper parked in the lot next to the garage. This is highly illegal, according to Carter, but Willie insists on crashing there most nights. Carter has even run electricity out to the camper so Willie could have power. Willie works on cars with Carter and has known him for many many years. Has taken a keen interest in me and the Clint story. Told me that he remembers Clint was “very attractive,” but he would be willing to change his own name to Clint if I thought that might help. Also asked me if I wanted “to kill Clint or just do him?”

13) Elvis- 5’1” stocky, slow-witted man. Claims to be an Elvis impersonator, but when asked where he performs, he replied, “In my shower.” Lives in a home he calls, appropriately enough, “Graceland.” According to those who have seen it, it does look somewhat like Graceland but on a much smaller scale. Has been seen around town in full-Elvis attire, but showed up at the garage the day I met him wearing a ripped up T-shirt, shorts, and a fanny pack. Said he would have dressed as Elvis that day, but he hurt his hips and simply had no energy. Did serenade Mr. Carter, Willie, and myself with several Elvis songs while at the shop.

14) Mike- mentioned previously. Cross-dresser. Obsessed with the O.J. Simpson trial. Went to the trial every day while it was going on. Brought three photo albums of pictures to the shop to show me what happened during the trial. Was going to come to my show on Friday night at Kibitz Room (and even bought a brand new dress for the occasion), but got lost on his way and never made it to the show. Allegedly, he is a former meteorologist (though now retired) and he frequently calls up the local weather forcasters to “rip them a new one because they don’t know what the hell is going on with the weather.”

2005-09-13T17:04:00.000-07:00

SONG 41..."If you write them, he will come."
______________________________________________________________________

10,000 WORDS (HARDER THAN YOU KNOW)

I can’t give you more than what I have
10,000 words is really not that bad
I can’t be a catalyst without a spark
Wish I could…but I don’t see that well in the dark

It goes how it should
It goes exactly how it should

Maybe yesterday we were on the same street
Opposite directions…so how could we meet?
Maybe tomorrow you will ask me for a cigarette
But by then, we may have already met
Who knows?

Cause it goes how it should
Wouldn’t second guess it even if I could
It goes how it must
Time takes no orders from any of us

**CHORUS**
It’s never nothing
It’s always something
The waiting is harder than you know
It’s never easy
That’s what gives it meaning
The waiting is harder than you know
It’s harder than you know

I can’t tell you more than I’ve already said
10,000 words and I will say it all again
I wouldn’t wish this on anybody else
But if you listen closely, you can glimpse my private hell

But it goes how it should
Wouldn’t walk away from this even if I could
It goes how it’s planned
The best that we can hope for is to try and understand

It’s never nothing
It’s always something
The waiting is harder than you know
It’s never easy
That’s what gives it meaning
The waiting is harder than you know
It’s harder than you know

10,000 words is harder…
Harder than you know…

2005-09-08T16:29:00.000-07:00

INTERESTING…
If one were to take the entire Gypsy Chronicles (all 40 songs) and listen to it from start to finish, one would hear a total of 10, 771 words (give or take a few) that have been written for Clint the gypsy mechanic up until this point. And certainly, there will be many many more words in the future…

2005-09-07T14:16:00.000-07:00

SONG 40...Enough said...
______________________________________________________________________

A MATTER OF TIME

Another Friday night and I am broken
Another Friday night and I could cave right in
But something will not let me release this even though
At times, I think I’d like to let you go

I don’t have an explanation
I don’t have a master plan
I don’t have a reason for this
It’s out of my hands

**CHORUS**
Oh…it’s just a matter of time
Days go slow…it’s just a matter of time
Don’t lose your trust…it’s just a matter of time
Good things will come…it’s just a matter of time

Something in your smile just will not die
Branded on my heart…burned into my mind
Now, I’m painted in the corner of this empty room
No way out except with you

Months ago, I might have left
But too much energy’s been spent
Now, I have no other choice
No alternative

**Chorus**

No use in regret
The damage is done
No use looking back
I’ve already run
My only hope…
That you’ll come back around
I swear I’ll make it worth your while
If you’ll come back around
And hear me out…hear me…

I don’t have an explanation
I don’t have a fighting chance
No control of this situation
Until you come back

**Chorus**

Now, don’t lose your trust
Good things will come
It’s just a matter of time…

2005-09-01T12:36:00.000-07:00

MY ANNOUNCEMENT:

Dear friends,

I suppose I must have known all along that Clint would return when just about everybody had stopped believing.

I could not have made this story up even if I tried. It has become so consuming…consuming almost every waking (and dreaming hour of my time). I don’t know why I have been so compelled to find him, but I know that I know him from another life and for whatever reason, whether it was to pay back some karmic debt or whatnot, I had to spend these months alone searching for him…writing 39 songs…so in some way I could prove myself or at least try to in some way rebalance any debt I may owe to him from the past.

It is true that there have been times when I have wondered if maybe Carter was lying to me. But then I think back to how this all began when we first found Carter and I know that is not possible. It wasn’t even Carter who answered the phone that first day. It was Willie who works there from time to time and when Beth asked for Clint (just as she had done 300 times before), instead of having some Mexican who barely speaks English shout “Who?” into the phone, the man on the other end asked, “What would you want to talk to him for?” She was taken aback because she did not expect this. She asked if there was a Clint who worked there and he again said, “Yeah, but what would you want to talk to him for?”

The next day is when I called there and Carter actually answered the phone. He told me that there was a Clint who sometimes came in to fix cars. I made Carter describe him to me. As time has passed, I have gotten more and more descriptions from him, making me truly believe this was the guy we were looking for.

I’ve spent much time with Carter. Hour upon hour down at the garage. I know that he would never be that cruel to lead us on this way. He is doing what he can to try to help us but it is really hard to find people who don’t want to be found. If Clint knew who it was that was searching for him, the story would be much different. Carter assures me that Clint is going to feel really stupid when he finally realizes that it was not the authorities or someone he owed money to looking for him, but me, the wiccan girl he had met on the street and told that she was beautiful. Carter is just a guy who really wants to believe in romantic love and that star-crossed people can find each other again. I think he wants to believe in this because it will help him believe that there is goodness in this life. He thinks of me as kind of a daughter to him and both Rachel and Beth have said that it is kind of eerie to see Carter and I together because we really do seem like we might be related. Perhaps we were in another life.

If anything, people should believe me because of the songs. All 39 of them. Never a day in my life have I written something I didn’t know about. That is just the kind of writer I am. Completely honest in what I write and in my music. I think that is why people have always loved it so much because they feel like I am sharing a piece of myself with them. I could never write 39 songs about a completely imaginary person. Hell, I couldn’t write 39 songs about a five-year relationship I was in. That, to me, proves how special Clint really is.

I assure everyone that Clint is completely real. Everyday, for the last 300 days, I have asked myself, “Why the hell did you walk away from that man?” As I was doing it, I knew that I would see him again. But I thought it would be a matter of weeks. Not ten months. I didn’t realize how long it was going to be and how much it was going to take from me.

I don’t know what I’m going to do when I see him again. I’m terrified of that moment. In Carter’s dream, it is when I am at the shop playing and I have my eyes closed because I often do when I sing. I don’t realize that someone has walked up to the garage. Carter motions for Clint (who looks very confused by all of this) to be quiet. I finish the song and look to Carter, but he is smiling and looking behind me. I turn around, and there he is. That’s when Carter wakes up. Is this really how we meet? I don’t know.

I know that I will be so completely shaken the moment our eyes meet. More shaken than I have ever been in my life. I am so completely terrified of that moment. I don’t know what I’ll say or what he’ll say. But the moment will come, inevitably. The letter is down there and I’m not taking it back. Even if I tried to, Carter would still tell Clint the story when he finally came to the shop again. We will meet again. There is no way to stop that.

Perhaps that day could only come when just about everybody else fell away. And I, alone, with just a few others, were left. My faith will not be shaken. I have come too far to lose that. I believe. Maybe when he returns…one day when you meet him for the first time, you will believe too.

2005-09-01T12:31:00.000-07:00

SONG 39...Because I'm truly at the point of no return...and there's nothing else I can do...
_______________________________________________________________________
POINT OF NO RETURN

I wake up in a nervous haze
10 months pass and I’m going insane
Some days, I’m down and I want to go back
But the train stays on the track

What I can I give you? What can I tell you?
That I’ve not already said?
My words could fill an ocean
Drowning in devotion
I’m drowning in my head

I…I asked for a big crash
You should be careful what you wish
You might get more of a collision than you expect

**CHORUS**
Now, there’s just one route to take to the end
Nonstop ride ‘til I see you again
You come back
Or I go mad
Whichever one comes first
I’m at the point…
Of no return

I’ve died each day since the night we met
Rise each morning just to die again
Sometimes, I cave and I want to retract
But my feet stay in the trap

You got me helpless…incapacitated
Blindfolded and bound
If I use persuasion…charm and natural grace can I
Entice you to come back around?

I…I wanted an earthquake
You should be careful what you ask
You might get more of a jolt than you had planned

**Chorus**

Shoot me now…shoot me now
You better shoot me before I shoot myself
Kill me now…kill me now
Go on and kill me…the gun is in my mouth

I am waiting…anticipating
I’m left with not other choice
I wonder where you’re hiding…and why you are dividing
The distance between us with this void

I…I wanted a car crash
Broken bones and broken glass
I got exactly what I asked

**Chorus**

2005-08-29T13:39:00.000-07:00

"DO YOU BELIEVE IN E.S.P.?"

I may have related part of this story a while back, but about a week ago, Mr. Carter told me that he had dreamed of me the night before. In his dream, I was down at his shop and I was playing guitar for him. I had just finished a song, and just at that moment, Clint and his friend Mike walked up to the shop. I turned to Carter and he said my expression was priceless. He said that the dream was very clear and vivid and that he remembers all the details. I had wondered about Carter’s intuitive abilities for some time, especially after an unrelated dream that he told me about that I know for a fact came true in exactly the way he dreamed it.
Then on Friday, while I was down at the garage, Carter told me again about another dream that he had of mine and Clint’s second meeting. He said he has been dreaming of us meeting a lot lately. And all the dreams are very vivid and he can remember all the details of them, down to the very expression on my face when I see Clint.
After telling all of this to me, he turned to me and asked, “Debbie, do you believe in E.S.P.?”
I told him that I did. And then he went on to tell me that he often has dreams that come true in exactly the way they happened in his dreams. He said he really didn’t know what it meant, but that he has noticed this happening quite a bit.
Now, Beth and I find all of this very interesting. Based on some of the things he’s said and done and just his unwavering belief that this is all going to end well and that Clint is going to be so happy when he gets back to the garage and finds out what is going on…we’ve always wondered about Carter’s intuitive abilities. And then all of a sudden, one day, he comes out with this all on his own. About E.S.P. And wondering about it. We believe it is very possible that Carter has some psychic abilities, but he’s just never really known what they were or what to do with them.
If this is the case, what does it mean for us that he has been dreaming about Clint and I meeting with great frequency over the past week? Perhaps, we will soon find out.

Updates will follow…

2005-08-29T11:30:00.000-07:00

SONG 38...because I was down at the car show on Parthenia on Friday night with Mr. Carter hoping Clint might show up there...
______________________________________________________________________

CHASING YOU

What if I walked away?
Who am I kidding…I can’t lie
I was down on Parthenia
At the car show tonight

Hoping that you might come
Cause you were in the neighborhood
Roll through there…just in case
There was anything good

What will you be thinking
When we meet
A second time?
So unexpected…who would have expected
You would see me in this light?

**CHORUS**
And I just wanted to know
That you did not forget
Just wanted you to know
I knew that we would meet again
And I just wanted you to know
That I could not forget you…
I could not resist…not resist
Chasing you…
Chasing you...

What if I walked away?
Who am I kidding…I can’t cave
I was down on Sepulveda
At your garage today

Watching the guys fix cars
Radiators and power steering wheels
Hoping you might roll down
To work on one of your deals

What will you be thinking
The second time
You see my face?
So unexpected…who would have expected
To find me in this place?

**Chorus**

I know I knew you
From some far off place
I know I knew you
Didn’t know why I walked away
I know I knew you
I know you knew my face
Don’t know why…don’t know how
You let me walk away

What will you be thinking
When we meet
The second time
So unexpected…who would have expected
You would see me again in this life?

**Chorus**

2005-08-25T12:49:00.000-07:00

SONG 37...I have nothing I can do besides write at this point...god, this is one lucky man...who else gets 37 songs written about him over 9 months while I am endlessly searching??
______________________________________________________________________
REACH YOU

Tonight…tonight I am manic
You gave me poison…and I drank it down
Tonight…tonight I need magic
To bring you around…to bring you around

Still…there is a beauty to this story
Still…there is a hope kept alive

**CHORUS**
But how can that cover the distance?
How can my call span that far?
How on earth can I reach you? (reach you)
When I don’t know where you are?
How can I reach you when I don’t know where you are?

Tonight…tonight I am wishing
I had refused…to get drunk off of your smile
Because now…I know what I’m missing
The one thing that would calm me down for awhile

Still…there is a beauty to this tragedy
Still…there is a hope I’ve kept alive

**Chorus**

Still…there is a beauty to this utter mess
Still…there is a hope kept alive

**Chorus**

How will you find your way back?
How could you travel that far?
How on earth will I reach you? (reach you)
When I don’t know where you are?
How can I reach you when I don’t know where you are?

2005-08-25T12:44:00.000-07:00

SONG 36...I was flipping out last night so I wrote this rather than start breaking shit...
______________________________________________________________________

IMPOSSIBLE

Believe me, I have had my moments
Yeah, I have had my fill
I’d rather murder you sometimes
Than be the one that’s killed

I’ve been to the breaking point
I’ve been right up to the edge
I’ve kicked the dirt off my boot
And watched it fall over the ledge

But no matter what I do I find
I just cannot get rid of you…

**CHORUS**
It’s impossible even though you still evade me
It’s impossible even though you still escape me
It’s impossible…impossible…it’s impossible
To walk away…

Destiny won’t let me go
Even though I’ve tried to bolt
Somehow the deal was sealed
The night the trigger was pulled

Blow a hole right through my head
Blow one right through my heart
Condemn me to a life of searching
For the missing part

No matter how I’d like to cave
I find something won’t let me sway…

**Chorus**

I’ve come to the point…
I’ve come to the point…
I’ve come to the point…
Of no return…
No return…
There’s no return…

Believe me, I have had my moments
Yeah, I have had my share
I’ve stepped right up to the edge
With the trust that you’d be there

No matter how much blood you take from me
There still is more so I endlessly bleed…

**Chorus**

Impossible…
It’s impossible to walk away

2005-08-23T15:55:00.000-07:00

MRS. MAGGIO LOVES THE STORY...

I must recount a very touching story I heard yesterday. Over the weekend, Bonney Death and I left letters at several houses that are believed to be possible locations where Clint and his friends may have once hung out. The letter simply told the story and asked the homeowner to contact Mr. Carter if they knew Carter or Clint or had any other information for us. Mrs. Maggio called Mr. Carter on Monday morning. She said that she didn’t know Clint or any of the boys. She believed that it was possible they may have once lived in her neighborhood, but she didn’t know any of them personally. However, she just wanted to tell Carter that she found the story “absolutely beautiful” and she hoped so much that I was able to find Clint again. She also wanted to compliment my “penmanship.” Now, this is a woman completely uninvolved in the story in any way, but she was so moved by it that she just had to call Mr. Carter to tell him how much she loved it. We are turning hearts across the country, my friends.

2005-08-22T17:25:00.000-07:00

PEOPLE I HAVE MET WHILE HANGING OUT AT CARTER'S

1) Mike – 6’4” goateed, bald body-builder. Mike is also a transvestite. When I first met Mike, he was wearing a stone-washed denim skirt and a halter top. He drives a 1978 white Cadillac that is as big as a boat. He was recently pulled over because he was fraudulently displaying a registration sticker on his vehicle even though it had not passed the Smog Check for three years. Carter recently worked on his carburetor so that the vehicle might pass the test. Mike loves to ride his bike through the hills at 3am and walked the L.A. marathon last year (sporting a red Hawaiian dress). He would like to go to the beach with Mr. Carter, but Mr. Carter privately told me, “That’s never going to happen. If he’s laying out there in a bikini next to me at the beach where all my friends go, that would be difficult to explain.” I agreed. Mike also loves taser guns and never travels anywhere without at least three of them.

2) Fernandez – Works at one of the shops near Carter’s. Came by to listen to me play guitar one day at the shop. Carter said that he noticed Fernandez trying to look up my skirt the entire time I was playing.

3) Garcia – Works at Louie’s Auto (next to Carter’s). Stops by to say hi frequently. Offers me a Corona or some tequila every time he sees me.

4) Louie – Owns the shop next to Carter’s. Loves to play flamenco guitar. Stopped by to serenade me one day while I was there. Crashed his old Camino into a parked car one day. Bought a station wagon for $250 off of a man named Willie who was being forced to leave the country the next day and needed to “get rid of the car quick.”

5) Arty – Works at one of the garages in the strip. Works for a man named Kojak. Arty is a heroin addict, though according to Carter, Kojak doesn’t know this. Arty asked me how I knew Carter. I told him he was my father. Arty turned to Carter and said, “No shit, Carter. I didn’t know you had a pretty daughter like this.” He turned to me and asked, “What’s your last name?” I replied, “Carter.” He said, “No, that’s his first name.” Carter corrected him and explained, “Around here, everybody goes by their last names.” Arty asked to see my ID. Carter said, “We Carter’s never carry our IDs anywhere. Just in case.” That explanation seemed to satisfy Arty. He said, “Take off your sunglasses. Let me see your eyes.” I did and he said, “Wow…yeah…I can totally see the resemblance.”

6) Mr. X – Lebanese man that sells arms out of the back of his van. Came to the shop to sell Carter a couple of taser guns as well as a few swords. Was bitten by a brown recluse last week and showed up at the shop on Monday in a wheel chair. Carter doesn’t trust him.

7) Jose – The local porn dealer. Has a friend who works in a warehouse where they store porn. Steals it and sells it on the street. Sold Carter 30 pornos for $20. Carter gave me “Hardcore Havansu” because he already had that one. I have not seen it, but MBM took it home and told me “it was just awful.”

8) Hector – The mailman. Comes to the shop just to hang out. Likes my music. Told me that he has seen cops pull up behind Liquid City to down a few beers while on duty. He has also seen cops picking up prostitutes on Sepulveda. “They’re human, afterall,” he says.

2005-08-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

WE ARE VOID OF COURSE

Recently, the blog has been dedicated soley to the Clint search. However, I have to update everyone on what else is going on. I recently found myself a new drummer. His name is Johnny and we really believe that he’s going to work out well for the new band. Having found Johnny, spurred me to put my ads up again on Recycler, Craig’s List, and Music Connection. I have had much interest in the band and will be auditioning players this week. We hope to have the full band put together in the next couple of weeks so that we can begin rehearsing and booking future shows.

This is all very exciting. I will keep you all updated on this as well.

P.S. It should also be noted that “Psycho Vic” of my last band Static 99 called and left me a message the other day. He was wondering if I was still looking for a drummer because he would like to play for me “now that Craig will no longer be there to bring all that extra tension to the band.” I have no clue why this man would want to play with me again. After he threw his drumsticks down and stormed out of the last show and then called me the next day to tell me to get my shit out of his practice space (for no apparent reason that anyone could discern), I never thought we’d hear from him again. I thought he could barely stand to be in the same room with me, let alone in the same band again. Not to mention the fact that I don’t need a drummer who is running around with his pants undone, standing up on his stool, flipping out while he’s playing, and talking about lighting his drum kit on fire at the next show. Why the hell would he want to be a band with me again? Corey Taylor could sum this one up best: “Why do crazy people do crazy things? Because they’re crazy…”